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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Threatening police, have I done anything wrong?

707 replies

Salemtrust · 04/04/2023 19:20

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Nocutenamesleft · 05/04/2023 19:48

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 19:48

@Nocutenamesleft but they could be working, not able to get a day off.....

Lots of reasons why they couldn't come?

And if they couldn't drive but we're not working, why not take public transport to collect the child?

Man. You're just reaching now

😂😂😂😂😂😂.

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 19:51

@Nocutenamesleft unlike yourself who said that OP couldn't leave the children without consent, which she was never going too 🤔!

Ah well, it's all sorted and had you originally read both of the OPs posts (onerous I know), you wouldn't have made such a ludicrous statement in the first place.

Nocutenamesleft · 05/04/2023 19:51

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 19:51

@Nocutenamesleft unlike yourself who said that OP couldn't leave the children without consent, which she was never going too 🤔!

Ah well, it's all sorted and had you originally read both of the OPs posts (onerous I know), you wouldn't have made such a ludicrous statement in the first place.

I never said that.....

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 19:55

@Nocutenamesleft stop splitting hairs, you agreed with the other poster who said it! 🙄

Nocutenamesleft · 05/04/2023 19:55

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 19:55

@Nocutenamesleft stop splitting hairs, you agreed with the other poster who said it! 🙄

But. The. Words. Didn't. Come. From. Me

Argue with that poster!!'

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 19:57

@Nocutenamesleft oh please! You're both equally unreasonable to not have read the whole two posts from OP!!

Do you know how to filter the posts.

Stop being such a sheep and hiding behind others, honestly "yes I'm with you poster", hang on now I've been shown up I won't follow you, I'll say it wasn't me!

Are you 5?

walkingismedicine · 05/04/2023 20:01

YABU 100%
Offer to pay for taxi not public transport

ScreamingBeans · 05/04/2023 20:01

DonnaRix · 04/04/2023 20:03

I think there is unreasonableness on both sides, for the reasons already outlined.

what I would say, however, is that I wouldn’t let my child go away somewhere if I wasn’t prepared to go and pick them up myself (or to facilitate their return myself if I was t able to drive). I have a 9 year old and I’d need to know that I could get to her if I needed to.

This.

Redebs · 05/04/2023 20:05

Nimbostratus100 · 05/04/2023 14:02

"no one else can help with"

no one, including you, you are not available to help with this either, and it doesn't sound like an emergency that actually involved you as such

Show quote history

Exactly. If you have care of these children, it is up to you to return them home personally before helping out a family member elsewhere. Not an emergency.

HarlanPepper · 05/04/2023 20:05

Holy moly! 24 pages and only two posts from the OP. This really has set the cat among the pigeons.

Nocutenamesleft · 05/04/2023 20:07

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 19:57

@Nocutenamesleft oh please! You're both equally unreasonable to not have read the whole two posts from OP!!

Do you know how to filter the posts.

Stop being such a sheep and hiding behind others, honestly "yes I'm with you poster", hang on now I've been shown up I won't follow you, I'll say it wasn't me!

Are you 5?

You realise you’re arguing with a stranger about something another stranger said.

have a lovely evening. I wish you happiness.

peace!!!!

ConstableGoody · 05/04/2023 20:07

walkingismedicine · 05/04/2023 20:01

YABU 100%
Offer to pay for taxi not public transport

@walkingismedicine I would think a taxi would be more risky. On a train/coach there would be a lot of people around most of whom would be safe so anyone dodgy would have a harder job. in a taxi the girl would be on her own at the mercy of one person (probably a man) who could take her anywhere.

Oinkypig · 05/04/2023 20:08

This is a strange thread, I can think of any number of emergencies that would require someone to travel to provide childcare. The DSD is 23 she could be a qualified teacher/doctor/solicitor/accountant…. the hand wringing that a 23 year old can’t look after 10-12 year olds. Both her and the BF could be DBS checked as well, not that that’s full proof. I can also think of many reasons why DSD couldn’t help for the emergency childcare, very young children she has never met as one example as they are the OPs family as opposed to her step/half sister who is with 3 friends.

I couldn’t imagine letting my child go away with someone I didn’t trust fully to arrange solutions in any emergency situation.

Nocutenamesleft · 05/04/2023 20:08

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 19:57

@Nocutenamesleft oh please! You're both equally unreasonable to not have read the whole two posts from OP!!

Do you know how to filter the posts.

Stop being such a sheep and hiding behind others, honestly "yes I'm with you poster", hang on now I've been shown up I won't follow you, I'll say it wasn't me!

Are you 5?

You lost me when you put me down

quick easy way to lose an argument with anyone.

MotherofBingo · 05/04/2023 20:13

I had 2 children I was responsible for by 23, I know qualified teachers who are 23 who go on residential trips and look after teenagers (some of whom will be trying to sneak off to smoke and drink because I'm sure we all know what teenagers are like). A 23 year old looking after children isn't the horrifically irresponsible nightmare some people are making it out to be here. That said, I personally wouldn't be happy with someone I don't know looking after my children after agreeing to someone else looking after them so I do understand why the parents have an issue - but in that case they should be coming to get her themselves.

mozzierella · 05/04/2023 20:21

I think kidnap and endangerment is bit far
Off

Why couldn't you just take the kid back with you?

BignBootiful · 05/04/2023 20:25

BellePeppa · 05/04/2023 19:36

Regardless of anything I’m just shocked OP thinks it okay as an option to put a 10-12 yr old on public transport alone on an unfamiliar journey that is the distance of a four hour car ride away. I’m not a driver so I googled what kind of distance that could be and it could be Manchester to London by car. That’s a long way! It makes me wonder what OP’s idea of child safety/well being is?

She sounds incredibly irresponsible and I am quite surprised that only one parent kicked off (albeit a tad over the top) while the others were OK with it. I think people seem very naive and cavalier with their children's care.

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/04/2023 20:26

Salemtrust · 04/04/2023 19:20

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

I think YBU I understand that you have an emergency and that can’t be helped but unfortunately you’re hands are tied here and you should really be staying with the kids.

It totally unacceptable imo to leave them with people that the parents have not consented and expect people to drive an 8 hour round trip out of the blue to collect them.

Im sorry about your emergency, I hope no one is hurt but you’re just not available to be there atm.

Blueflag22 · 05/04/2023 20:26

NoodleNuts · 04/04/2023 19:44

I think that YABU. You took your daughters friends away, their parents were happy for you to do that. You are now leaving them in the care of a 23yr old and her boyfriend, who presumably the other parents don't know.

You are responsible for these kids, you either have to stay with them or bring them home. I would be fuming if I was the parent of one of those girls.

are you implying a 23 yr is too young? 😂

MummyJ36 · 05/04/2023 20:27

I would be really really unhappy with how OP had handled this. You can’t just place a 10 year old on a train (especially assuming that they haven’t travelled this route before before) because you deem your emergency more important than getting a child home that you agreed to be in charge of. Wtf OP.

As a parent I would 100% collect my child if this situation occurred and I would not be happy at the suggestion of someone I didn’t know taking care of them. Honestly this would be friendship ending for me.

Blueflag22 · 05/04/2023 20:28

I would be annoyed not because if we a 23 year old but it's someone I don't know? Sorry

LuluBlakey1 · 05/04/2023 20:29

You're in the wrong here. You made a commitment to your daughter and her friends and have reneged on that.

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/04/2023 20:29

Blueflag22 · 05/04/2023 20:26

are you implying a 23 yr is too young? 😂

Show quote history

The maturity of 23 yr olds vary widely. So, yeah.

Faith77 · 05/04/2023 20:35

Any time my daughter goes away without me, be it school trip or with friends/family, I have it in the back of my mind that I may have to go and pick her up if an emergency occurred. Even when she went to France with school, I had a contingency plan should the worst happen. If the child's parents weren't willing or able to go to their child in an emergency, they shouldn't have allowed her to go. Their child hasn't been kidnapped, they just can't be arsed to go and fetch her! If they were that worried, they would find a way to get there.

CM1897 · 05/04/2023 20:35

Desperatelywantinganother · 04/04/2023 19:46

You are being extremely unreasonable. I would be furious and you would never be left in charge of my child ever again.
But calling the police is not the right response. They need to come and pick up their daughter.

Clearly an emergency has come up, and OP trusts her step daughter, or she wouldn’t leave her own child with her. If you’re too selfish to understand that, or collect your kid, then I’d be glad I wouldn’t have to look after your kids again. Things happen