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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Threatening police, have I done anything wrong?

707 replies

Salemtrust · 04/04/2023 19:20

I've taken Dd and some of her friends(10-12) away for the week. Unfortunately I've had family emergency come up today and am going to have to leave tomorrow to help. Dsd (23) and her bf have offered to come and take over. The girls all seen more than happy with this, they have an event on Thursday which was the whole reason for the trip and want to stay.
I've called the other parents to let them know and one parent was furious and said that they don't want someone else looking after their child and that I need to either stay or bring their child home.
I've said they are welcome to come and get their child (4hour drive) and I'm happy to arrange and pay to send her home on public transport but I can't stay or bring her home so if not she will come home Friday as planned. They are now threatening to call the police saying its kidnap and endangerment and I've changed the terms they agreed to send their child on.
Have I do a anything wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Ahsoka2001 · 05/04/2023 20:37

Newusernameaug · 04/04/2023 19:47

YABU - What’s to say your daughters boyfriend isn’t a pedo? How are they to know?
4 hrs is a long way to drive, what if they don’t drive, can’t come due to work / financial reasons.

I think you should either drive the children home or pay for a DBS checked registered taxi

Women can be pedophiles too

IamKlaus · 05/04/2023 20:39

CM1897 · 05/04/2023 20:35

Clearly an emergency has come up, and OP trusts her step daughter, or she wouldn’t leave her own child with her. If you’re too selfish to understand that, or collect your kid, then I’d be glad I wouldn’t have to look after your kids again. Things happen

Show quote history

A non emergency. The step daughter comes with a man.

would you let your pre-teen daughter stay over night with a man you've never met or even heard of? If you say yes, you're a liar or a fool.

Blueflag22 · 05/04/2023 20:42

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/04/2023 20:29

The maturity of 23 yr olds vary widely. So, yeah.

Show quote history

Same with a 33 year old. I've heard it all now. could be a qualified social worker for all we know.

Macinae · 05/04/2023 20:47

The age wouldn't bother me, they are adults. What would bother me is I don't know these people, so erring on the side of caution, I wouldn't be pleased. If they were 19 but I knew them well, fine. I also think public transport age 10-12 for a lengthy trip is unreasonable. Different if they were 15 for example, but a 10 year old? No.

Thighlengthboots · 05/04/2023 20:47

Yeah, sorry but theres no way I would feel comfortable leaving my kids with someone I didnt know and have never met before. This isnt about 23 not being mature enough- I'm fully aware that plenty of 23 year olds are very responsible but I didnt choose to leave my kids with that 23 year old person because I dont bloody know them- THAT is the point.

If the 23 is so responsible and capable, why cant SHE help the single parent with the family emergency and the OP stay where she is until the end of the trip? If she isnt capable of doing that then how would she be capable of dealing with an emergency with this group of kids if an unexpected incident happened?

We all know sometimes shit happens but what the OP should have done was come home, bring all the kids with her and end the trip early. Yes, they might be disappointed but it can always be re-arranged for another time and its not the end of the world.

IamKlaus · 05/04/2023 20:48

Blueflag22 · 05/04/2023 20:42

Same with a 33 year old. I've heard it all now. could be a qualified social worker for all we know.

Show quote history

It doesn't matter if she's 22 or 102, and if she's Queen of Fucking Everything, shes a stranger and brings an unknown man with her.

CM1897 · 05/04/2023 20:49

IamKlaus · 05/04/2023 20:39

A non emergency. The step daughter comes with a man.

would you let your pre-teen daughter stay over night with a man you've never met or even heard of? If you say yes, you're a liar or a fool.

Show quote history

That is massively sexist 🙈

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/04/2023 20:53

Blueflag22 · 05/04/2023 20:42

Same with a 33 year old. I've heard it all now. could be a qualified social worker for all we know.

Show quote history

And she could not be, what’s your point? My sister was incredibly immature at that age.

So she could be mature but she might not be, umm, ok?

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/04/2023 20:53

CM1897 · 05/04/2023 20:49

That is massively sexist 🙈

Show quote history

Eh?

CM1897 · 05/04/2023 20:53

IamKlaus · 05/04/2023 20:39

A non emergency. The step daughter comes with a man.

would you let your pre-teen daughter stay over night with a man you've never met or even heard of? If you say yes, you're a liar or a fool.

Show quote history

You do realise women are equally capable of committing crimes. The OP could be a sex offender for all anyone knows.

Royalbloo · 05/04/2023 20:53

Not really, unless you say that the fact that most sexual abuse is committed BY men and the victims are women and girls.

ArianahX · 05/04/2023 20:54

So @Salemtrust OP what had the outcome actually been - are you returning to the thread??

Blueflag22 · 05/04/2023 20:54

IamKlaus · 05/04/2023 20:48

It doesn't matter if she's 22 or 102, and if she's Queen of Fucking Everything, shes a stranger and brings an unknown man with her.

Show quote history

That's right and I agree with you but nothing to do with age. 23 is a n adult. However, times your disgusting language down. Are you always this unpleasant and potty mouthed?

Martz · 05/04/2023 20:55

I hate to disagree with you as it sounds like a tough situation. But you were unreasonable. You should’ve taken the child home as their parents entrusted you with the responsibility of caring for their care. Family emergency or not, your duty of care first and foremost was to the children you were responsible for at that time and they therefore were the priority in that situation- no matter how grave the circumstances were elsewhere. If the parents were unable to come and collect the child, then you should've either taken them all back together to ensure you could attend the emergency as soon as possible, or waited until help arrived to care for the others and then you should’ve taken the child home before you went anywhere else.

Hope everything worked out okay with the emergency.

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/04/2023 20:55

CM1897 · 05/04/2023 20:53

You do realise women are equally capable of committing crimes. The OP could be a sex offender for all anyone knows.

Show quote history

But not equally likely to be a sex offender statistically speaking.

DrPrunesquallor · 05/04/2023 20:56

romdowa · 04/04/2023 19:43

Nah sorry but you took them away, so its your responsibility to bring them back or to take care of them. You've assumed a duty of care to these children and you can't just pawn them off on someone else without their parents permission.

I Agree with @romdowa
I apreciate the circumstances are out of your control but you took responsibility to look after other peoples children. You cannot now go back on that.
They are your responsibility. I wouldnt be happy for young strangers to be responsible for my children.
YABU.

Vynalbob · 05/04/2023 20:58

YABU
U assumed responsibility.
Emergency that can wait until tomorrow?
Family but you can't take the child back?

You're in the wrong, sorry.

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:00

@IamKlaus and the parents were offered an option!

FFS, why can't you understand that the parents were happy!

And as for the unknown man, I'll advise you of todays news....

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-65189785

7 women convicted....

Royalbloo · 05/04/2023 21:03

About 5% of sexual assaults are committed by women. Which means the other 95% are committed by men.

That's not sexist, that's a fact.

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:05

Royalbloo · 05/04/2023 21:03

About 5% of sexual assaults are committed by women. Which means the other 95% are committed by men.

That's not sexist, that's a fact.

8 (I previously stated 7, apologies) of these 21 were convicted today.

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 05/04/2023 21:09

DoIWantThis · 04/04/2023 19:36

If they don't want her to stay they need to collect her

I disagree with this. Yes I think they are being ridiculous by saying they will call the police for kidnapping.

But the OP took the kids there and if she has to leave the message should be I have to leave for xx reasons so let me know if you’re happy for your kids to stay if not I will drop them back home.

DemonSpawn · 05/04/2023 21:09

OP is bang out of order and I call bullshit on her “emergency”.

This is clearly a lie:
”a medical emergency that no one else can help with”

Humanbiology · 05/04/2023 21:09

NoodleNuts · 04/04/2023 19:44

I think that YABU. You took your daughters friends away, their parents were happy for you to do that. You are now leaving them in the care of a 23yr old and her boyfriend, who presumably the other parents don't know.

You are responsible for these kids, you either have to stay with them or bring them home. I would be fuming if I was the parent of one of those girls.

This!!
You want to go and help else where it's an emergency. You took them kids away and now you decide that you want to do something else. Get your priorities straight. Of course some of the other parents are fine with it they don't set boundaries with their children. You come across a family who love and care for their child's wellbeing and all you think about is yourself. You took their child return him or her and act like the responsible adult you pretended to be.

nomoremerlot · 05/04/2023 21:15

DemonSpawn · 05/04/2023 21:09

OP is bang out of order and I call bullshit on her “emergency”.

This is clearly a lie:
”a medical emergency that no one else can help with”

Clearly a lie.....

Ok then!

Ninjanana · 05/04/2023 21:16

Can’t one of the other parents come and take over from you. That’s what I’d offer.