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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step children calling my parents grandfather

248 replies

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:34

AIBU - my brother is in a relationship with a woman who had a kid that was about 12 when they meet. Let's call the kid Nancy. Not sure where the father is, but the mother is a piece of work.

Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

My brother has no blood children with the women and I don't think she calls my brother dad..... so why call my parents granddad etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 19:02

@kittensinthekitchen mine will be the 12 grandchild from my mother and father..... so no.

OP posts:
nomoremerlot · 04/04/2023 19:03

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 19:02

@kittensinthekitchen mine will be the 12 grandchild from my mother and father..... so no.

Is that including Natalie and Nancy's children?

BungleandGeorge · 04/04/2023 19:03

I do t think it’s weird. Dad is a unique title but you have multiple grandparents and it’s not such a close relationship. It’s common for children to have extra grandparents, either because they are a stepchild or because the grandparents are re-married

TheShellBeach · 04/04/2023 19:06

So Nancy has four children and she's only 22?
Yeah, right.

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 19:06

TheShellBeach · 04/04/2023 19:06

So Nancy has four children and she's only 22?
Yeah, right.

Yes had her first at 16.

OP posts:
marrymeadam · 04/04/2023 19:07

My DP had a step mum who he calls her name yet she is Nanna to my children and would be gutted to not be called that. Children can't have enough family to love them. Stop being so mean spirited

Macaroni46 · 04/04/2023 19:07

Andanotherone01 · 04/04/2023 19:00

You all sound absolutely lovely 🙄

I was thinking the same. A right unfriendly and unwelcome bunch.
@northeasrer
Either your parents say something to Nancy about being called grandpa etc or graciously accept it. Presumably they're moaning about it behind Nancy's back which in my book is plain nasty and passive aggressive.

Justalittlebitduckling · 04/04/2023 19:08

My step cousins always called my Grandad ‘Grandad’. Sure technically he was their step Grandad but they loved him and to be honest they were better at visiting him when he was ailing than I was. Let it go.

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 19:10

@Womencanlift do blended families also have the rule that if mummy and step daddy split up, you never see the extended family again?

OP posts:
Justmeandthedog1 · 04/04/2023 19:11

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:38

Why?

Nancy (the 22 year old) doesn't call my brother dad yet my parents are called grandfather.

Can you explain that?

Show quote history

Because she was a child when she met your parents. So she called them gran/grandad or Mr Jones and Mrs Jones. She’s known them 10 years so calling them Mr and Mrs Jones still would be weird! And calling them by their first names might have sounded disrespectful.
To small children anyone they consider old is a granny or grandad, I can’t see the problem.

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 19:14

@Justmeandthedog1 she rarely sees my parents (the grandparents) compared to my brother who fed and sheltered her... so I find it disrespectful

OP posts:
Justontherightsideofnormal · 04/04/2023 19:15

@northeasrer
@TheShellBeach
Nancy has obviously been busy! does her children call their own dads parents Nan/grandad too

Jemimapinotduck · 04/04/2023 19:16

@northeasrer
Unfortunately I lost my lovely stepmum 2 years ago and both myself and my children- her grandchildren were heartbroken. But in answer to your question yes I would, she was as much their grandmother as my mum/MIL/my dad

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 19:16

@Macaroni46 no they weren't moaning "behind their back". I saw a card for Father's Day from the grandchildren and got talking to my dad about it.

OP posts:
HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 04/04/2023 19:17

I'm surprised you aren't closer to Nancy. You have a lot in common.

Lwrenagain · 04/04/2023 19:18

You lost me at blood related.
Fucking grim.

Plumbear2 · 04/04/2023 19:18

It's really not any of your business that the children call him grandad.

TheShellBeach · 04/04/2023 19:19

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 04/04/2023 19:17

I'm surprised you aren't closer to Nancy. You have a lot in common.

Grin
nomoremerlot · 04/04/2023 19:19

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 19:16

@Macaroni46 no they weren't moaning "behind their back". I saw a card for Father's Day from the grandchildren and got talking to my dad about it.

So it's been going on for a decade and they've only just mentioned it 🤔!

TheShellBeach · 04/04/2023 19:25

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:15

They sound unpleasant? Are people not allowed to have boundaries? I haven't stated they dislike or don't desire to be called grandparents.....

But did you also read the part where they didn't see any of them (Natalie and Nancy etc) for 18+ months because natalie fell out with my brother?

Show quote history

But you HAVE stated they dislike being called grandparents.
It's literally your OP.

Folkishgal · 04/04/2023 19:32

Dang this is nasty. I call my step-mums mum my daughters gran (basically I'm the Nancy in this situation) and my daughters gran loves it, looks after her and treats her like she treats her blood grandson.

Cannot even imagine being so cruel you actively dislike being called a grandparent by a literal child 💀

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 19:46

Folkishgal · 04/04/2023 19:32

Dang this is nasty. I call my step-mums mum my daughters gran (basically I'm the Nancy in this situation) and my daughters gran loves it, looks after her and treats her like she treats her blood grandson.

Cannot even imagine being so cruel you actively dislike being called a grandparent by a literal child 💀

Did you read the post?

My parents don't have an issue about it.... I find it weird.

Just in case you didn't read, they also broke up for 18 months and my parents didn't see them for 2 years.... Natalie didn't allow it....

They aren't blood related.

OP posts:
iLiveALifeOfSin · 04/04/2023 19:47

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 19:16

@Macaroni46 no they weren't moaning "behind their back". I saw a card for Father's Day from the grandchildren and got talking to my dad about it.

You even call them grandchildren yourself 😂

CrazyHedgehogLover · 04/04/2023 19:47

Completely bizarre, I’m struggling to see where it’s any of your business?

I saw a card for Father's Day from the grandchildren and got talking to my dad about it.

Yeah ok.. in other words you was looking for a way to shitstir about innocent children! My stepdaughters don’t call me mum however, they call my mum their nana? What’s your obsession! Just sound jealous and entitled tbh. If I was you I’d be more concerned about your brothers abusive relationship from what you’ve posted on here rather then what Nancys children refer your parents to..

iLiveALifeOfSin · 04/04/2023 19:48

OP do you even know what you're saying??

Your parents DO have an issue.

'My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.'

Your words.

You on crack???

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