Do people forget what it's like to have a baby/toddler?

[Whydoievenbother]

Having a baby was quite a shock to the system in terms of what a lifestyle change it was and basically never really getting a break. The majority is on me and basically I'm exhausted. I have alot of friends and family, all with much older children. My AIBU is really do people forget what it's like? I feel no one gave me any idea what I would be in for, and to be honest I feel quite let down. I'm particularly exhausted today and feel like giving up so this is the reason for my thread. I guess what I'm asking is why not give people a heads up so they know what they are in for and be somewhat mentally prepared rather than completely blindsided.

Erm be blunt about what peiples experiences are different we have 3 under 2s loved every second of them as I did the older ones

Yep, or that. I'd just go over for a day and do anything she needed/wanted, clean, put on some washing, make a meal etc.

You'd be very welcome here then! I can't remember the last time I felt the whole house was clean. And there are so many toys out all the time these days...but oh the snuggles with my little ones are soooo worth the chaos.

I think it’s a combination of a few things - people do forget and look back with rose-tinted glasses; people have hugely varying experiences depending on what kind of baby they get and how involved their partner is; and finally that expectant parents don’t typically want to hear that it could be anything other than sunshine and rainbows.

Personally I loved it. But I had a really "easy" baby.

But if everyone who had had a hard time during the baby and toddler years spent your pregnancy and first few months telling you how terrible it would be, would you
a) have listened
b) found that helpful?

I'm shorter than average and my husband is taller than average. My MIL took great delight telling me at every possible moment during my pregnancy how enormous my baby was going to be. Not helpful. Unwanted "advice". It freaked me out every time she said it. And totally unnecessarily too. My child was/is small like me.

Most people don't want to terrify you with their own worst case scenarios. If what just want someone to commiserate with you though, then try opening up that conversation. I'm sure most mums have memories of some tough times that they are happy to share with you so you don't feel so alone.

I didn’t forget. When it came to looking after grandchildren from Day 1, it was like yesterday since our DC. The good thing was, we knew what we were doing, and weren’t assailed by doubts, about the best way to go about it. I found watching child development fascinating the second time, seeing as I wasn’t worrying about it, and the memories of how teenagers are more wearing emotionally were still fresh. A two year old stamping his foot like Rumpelstiltskin, to get his own way, just seems funny, compared to teenage DS trying to assert his dominance over DH!

I had a difficult baby (now stubborn toddler!) and when she was newborn I would absolutely moan to anyone and everyone about how hard it was! But then one day my friend with a similar-aged baby said something like "I don't like to complain about anything because we struggled so much to conceive" and it gave me a bit of perspective. Not to say my feelings aren't valid, but maybe broadcasting them far and wide could irk some people.

So I don't moan about it anymore unless someone asks me specifically to tell them the truth - in which case I will happily tell them yeah it's fucking hard work so think carefully before you do it

Well I don't think people want to scare the living daylights out of you for one thing. And also, I don't think however much someone tells you it will be hard you can possibly understand until you are in the midst of it. People told me it was hard, they didn't go into detail cos why would they want to make me feel worried and regretful before the baby was even here? Nothing prepared me for how hard it actually was and I don't think anything they could have said would have done. It gets easier. X

When my friend was pregnant, I told her ( a few times!) how hard it could be. I really did.
When she had a baby, she complained that NOBODY told her😆 Well I did, but the information did not sink it.