Told to 'be kind' to trouble causing SIL.

[OooWhatAWhopper]

Brother has asked if SIL can come & stay with me for a while. Apparently her mental health is bad & she 'needs a rest from the stresses of life'. SIL & I don't get on, she has constantly attempted to sabotage family relationships & in my (bitter) opinion, her failing MH is well deserved karma - the scores of people she has upset has finally resulted in her being isolated & being given a wide berth by everyone.

I've said 'no' & I mean it & will stick to my guns, but what has really pissed me off is DB saying: 'you being nice about this will be ever so helpful to me'. It feels like a veiled threat, 'if you don't forgive & forget then you're the bad one'.

For context, just a few of the things SIL has done within the last 5 years. And this is just the tip of the iceberg:

1. Reported me to the police in lock down 3 times (I didn't break any rules).

1. Put my boyfriend on a dating site. This caused a lot of upset, she said it was a joke.

1. Refused to allow me any time alone with my dying mother. She knew when I'd be visiting the hospice, because I needed to arrange childcare, & would always be there & refuse to leave the room.

1. Funeral cars only had room for our dad & my siblings & I, but she made such a fuss, I let her have my place & drove myself.

1. Has publicly made fun of anything positive in my life. New hair do, new glasses, kids achievements, my postgrad graduation etc.

I've been grey rock with her for 2 years now but it's not been easy to do because she's constantly tried to push into my life. I refuse to be labelled as 'bad' if I won't 'be kind' to this person. AIBU? And how on earth do I voice my position in a calm & rational manner to my DB? Ordinarily I have no problem being assertive & sensible but I'm bordering on loosing my shit over this, hence needing some perspective before screaming 'no way' at him & looking unhinged.

There is only so much one person can take…. Ur not a bad person 4 protecting your mental health she is toxic

Actually it doesn't matter if she's the loveliest person in the world. Having someone to stay long-term is a huge commitment and your brother shouldn't be asking this of you. It's not about being kind, it's about being realistic. I wouldn't get bogged down in reasons with your brother. Just quietly and firmly say that the answer is no as it's just not a possibility.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Fabulously worded OP, very well done!

Really well worded reply OP.

Just read your updates, and your brother sounds like a prize bell end.

Sounds like he doesn’t like any inconvenience or responsibility. Baby on the way - well that might inconvenience me, so I’ll be off. Wife no2 has mental health issues - I can’t be dealing with that so let’s send her off elsewhere.

Can you write my replies to nightmare situations OP? That was a blinding response. Your brothers reply tickled me -how convenient!

Why should your mental health suffer to support her’s? The be kind mantra is used to subjugate women and weapon used against us. Is it ever said to men? She is vicious and you need to protect yourself. Stick to no.

No way should you let her come and stay, personally I would tell your Brother the reasons you’ve listed! Just be straight to the point and tell him that whilst you’re happy to be civil with her, you don’t have the time or capacity to deal with her on a semi-permanent basis!

You need to cut ties with your brother, oh and tell your sister in law to piss off.