Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband being a cock!!

233 replies

Sweeted · 02/04/2023 21:44

Was driving my 14yo son back from his weekend away and we went over a hidden pothole in the road which ripped a massive hole in my front offside tyre. I pulled over into a carpark and immediately assessed the damage and tried to connect to my breakdown and recovery app. Signal was patchy so I stayed with the car and asked my son to go along the road a bit to see if he could get some signal and call DHto tell him the tyre was torn and to ask him to contact recovery for me and explain the issue. DS said DH was sighing and grumbling and getting snappy, then said “go back to the car.” DS said he was being really off and he didn’t know if DH was calling breakdown or not, so I went along the road myself, found some signal and booked the recovery. I pay for fully comp platinum service so I know they have to get me home and then the vehicle somewhere to be repaired. I texted my husband to let him know I booked it

Fifteen minutes later, my DH pulls into the car park, gets out of his car with an air compressor, doesn’t say hello or anything and dives for my front wheel and attaches it to my tyre. The air pisses out of the massive tear. I said “What are you doing? That won’t work, there’s a tear in it.” He said, "yeah, I know- come here and look.” Well, I don’t need to look, I’ve already seen it haven’t I? Anyway, I do look and say “yes, I know. There’s a huge water filled pothole on the road. It looks like a little puddle.” He gave me a contemptuous look and said “I don’t know why you even drove this way.” I replied, "I don't even know what to say to that." Apparently he would have gone an alternate route and taken the car safely home, but I, with my obvious inferiority, chose a suboptimal route which was, according to google maps “two minutes slower.” 😑
Telling him that he could have been rear ended on his hypothetical better journey, could have hit a car, an animal or come across any number of incidents didn’t seem to compute. He's simply too good of a driver.

The breakdown man arrived. My husband pipes up with, “he’ll have to tow you, he won’t have a spare.” I replied that I wasn’t sure what would happen but it was ok. Because of what I pay for, I wasn’t bothered how it was done, I just knew it would be. But straight away he said to the guy, "you haven’t got a spare have you? No. See, I told you!” All smug like his penis gives him super foresight as well as route planning perfection. Then the guy said, "I do have a spare wheel though which will fit.” Husband went a bit quiet, I said, "aha, that’s perfect!” DH STRODE towards his car saying, "yeah, you’re all smug now so I’m going home.”

I replied, "Oh, ok, I don’t really know why you came though.” Because I didn’t! He left two kids (15yo and 7yo) at home to check if my assessment of a torn tyre was accurate. He zoomed out of that carpark.

It was so embarrassing! The repair guy said it looked like my husband didn’t believe I knew what had happened and said that regularly he sees blokes who think their wives have fucked up when stuff like this happens to them, but when it happens to the man, they’re blameless.

We got home, the car got to the garage. Exactly the service I pay for. As expected. I asked my husband why the hell he behaved like that and he said “I drove all that way to help you and you acted like you didn’t need my help. It was like a slap in the face!”

WHAT? Because I used the professional service I pay for to solve a problem he had no way of solving? AND told him in advance that I had done so? I told him I didn’t think he had come to help, he came to crow/whinge about how inept I am and how I have caused such a problem. He went on to say about how much money it’s going to cost for a new tyre when we just bought some. I asked what all this “we” business was about. I paid for the tyres, I pay for the servicing, the insurance, the recovery and breakdown, the MOT, the excesses and I will also be paying for this as he well knows, so he’s got nothing to be so pressed about!!

He had a good long session of sulking upstairs. It’s our son’s birthday tomorrow and my husband is meant to be helping me clean ahead of company arriving tomorrow and put up banners. He was literally sulking because he doesn’t like me ”going on at him^'" I just went up to ask him to come and do something to assist and he's fast asleep under the blankets.

Aibu to be boiling fucking mad??^

OP posts:
EmmaEmerald · 03/04/2023 01:08

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/04/2023 01:04

Christ are you still going on about this?

It’s your car, your tyres, your breakdown cover etc… we’ll keep the damn details with you then!

You could have just called and given your reg number and they could have sorted it. But you sent your 14-year off down the road in a panic, begrudged your husband turning up and now want to feel smug about it all??

I was about to say read the post to see the answer, but then realised I'm engaging with you...

HappyBunnyNow · 03/04/2023 04:05

You sound very capable but he's not treating you with respect or as an equal. Has he been supportive at other times during the last 15 years? If he always behaves like this it might be worth considering cutting your loses. This kind of behaviour can really wear you down, you might be happier without him.

Codlingmoths · 03/04/2023 04:28

He doesn’t sound like someone you could get in brilliantly with! Don’t let him skive out of party prep!

TheHoodedPaw · 03/04/2023 04:39

Sweeted · 02/04/2023 22:10

No, it's a seven seater, no space for one.

Now @Sweeted, you do know that random poster Clevs certainly knows more about your car than you do! You should have asked them before calling your husband or the recovery service, tut tut. Are you sure you don’t want to double check you haven’t missed a spare tire, one of those round things, maybe hidden under a pile of kittens and embroidery?

TheHoodedPaw · 03/04/2023 04:41

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/04/2023 01:04

Christ are you still going on about this?

It’s your car, your tyres, your breakdown cover etc… we’ll keep the damn details with you then!

You could have just called and given your reg number and they could have sorted it. But you sent your 14-year off down the road in a panic, begrudged your husband turning up and now want to feel smug about it all??

Ooh ‘panic’ and ‘begrudged’ and ‘smug’! Somebody doesn’t like the women who aren’t all grateful to their superior husbands 🤣

America12 · 03/04/2023 04:44

Clevs · 02/04/2023 22:09

Did you not have a spare wheel in your car?

A lot of cars don't have spares now.

emptythelitterbox · 03/04/2023 05:00

Truly enjoy your storytelling and writing style.

Your DH is a villian I could low key hate in the story.

My late DH would often come to my rescue as well as other family members for car breakdowns, keys locked in, flat tyres,etc. We owned a very large auto dealership and he could have easily sent a tow truck with someone from service but he would come himself and he never tried to lord it over or belittle anyone. It was clear he was in charge though without him having to say a word. He had the larger than life charisma and just took charge and did what needed to be done without snark, smugness, sulking, or any of toddler like behaviour so many men these days seem to exhibit.

Miss him.

ilikeyarn · 03/04/2023 05:20

Something occurred to me. Maybe your husband was genuinely worried about you and your son, got flustered, and then behaved irrationally. Maybe he didn't want to reveal those feelings.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 03/04/2023 05:20

Sweeted · 03/04/2023 00:20

Update-

Twenty minutes ago he was eating a chocolate spread sandwich viciously. Picture it. Tearing at it with his flat little human teeth and scowling all the while. I don't think he's anywhere near over it yet.

Oh, dear. FWIW pistachio spread is far superior. Maybe suggest he try it instead? 😁

Shoxfordian · 03/04/2023 05:30

He sounds like he doesn’t think you’re a capable adult, he doesn’t respect you. Is he often so sexist as to assume you don’t understand your own car or what’s happened to your tyre? Don’t know how frequent this kind of thing is but it’s toxic

Sweeted · 03/04/2023 05:37

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/04/2023 01:04

Christ are you still going on about this?

It’s your car, your tyres, your breakdown cover etc… we’ll keep the damn details with you then!

You could have just called and given your reg number and they could have sorted it. But you sent your 14-year off down the road in a panic, begrudged your husband turning up and now want to feel smug about it all??

I can't imagine being so desperate to chide someone that I fail to fact check my own comment. Here, I'll help you.

-"Keep the damn details with you then!" What have you misunderstood about an app containing all my details?
-Why didn't I call myself?
What is flummoxing you about no phone signal and initially staying with the vehicle?
-Was my 14 year old in a panic? Was I?
Read again, carefully. Have a few goes. There's no shame in taking your time.
-"Begrudged your husband turning up"
Is 'begrudged' the right word to use in respect of the situation? Substitute it for 'bewildered by" and it makes sense. I can see where you struggled though, they are all 'b' words.
"and now want to feel all smug about it."
I'd love to feel anything other than annoyed at having to fork out for a new tyre and sort all that shit out on my child's birthday as well as deal with a pathetic man tantrum, but I don't think smug is the logical next pick to be honest with you.

OP posts:
Sweeted · 03/04/2023 05:40

ilikeyarn · 03/04/2023 05:20

Something occurred to me. Maybe your husband was genuinely worried about you and your son, got flustered, and then behaved irrationally. Maybe he didn't want to reveal those feelings.

This is a lovely take on the situation. I think if you were correct, he would have asked after our welfare or said hello when he showed up, rather than diving for the tyre and attaching his air compressor before even making eye contact with either of us.

OP posts:
Sweeted · 03/04/2023 05:49

Shoxfordian · 03/04/2023 05:30

He sounds like he doesn’t think you’re a capable adult, he doesn’t respect you. Is he often so sexist as to assume you don’t understand your own car or what’s happened to your tyre? Don’t know how frequent this kind of thing is but it’s toxic

In all honesty, no. He's really not. He's got no problem expecting me to be capable of everything under all circumstances

OP posts:
JennyJenny8675309 · 03/04/2023 05:53

stonebrambleboy · 02/04/2023 22:14

You need to ask your husband how to fix it 😂

This made me LOL. 🤣😂

leafygarden · 03/04/2023 05:57

Antiquiteas · 02/04/2023 22:19

Much like your husband, this place is wall-to-wall cocks tonight.

Grin

Yes OP I can confirm that your husband is not only a cock but also an annoying dickhead.

My sympathies.

JennyJenny8675309 · 03/04/2023 05:58

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/04/2023 01:04

Christ are you still going on about this?

It’s your car, your tyres, your breakdown cover etc… we’ll keep the damn details with you then!

You could have just called and given your reg number and they could have sorted it. But you sent your 14-year off down the road in a panic, begrudged your husband turning up and now want to feel smug about it all??

Hey, ReadingComprehensionWouldBeHandy, Try again.

ilikeyarn · 03/04/2023 06:03

Sweeted · 03/04/2023 05:40

This is a lovely take on the situation. I think if you were correct, he would have asked after our welfare or said hello when he showed up, rather than diving for the tyre and attaching his air compressor before even making eye contact with either of us.

Not necessarily. Many men would think they are helping you best by attending to the problem. YOU may consider feelings to be "number one". HE considers solving the problem to be "number one".

He felt when he arrived at the car that the pressure was on for him to perform, to succeed. His mind was only able to hold one thought at a time. He had tunnel vision. Picture being the pilot on a plane when the altitude is too low. That's the stress he felt. His main task was to not screw up.

He was attending to the car as a way of showing love to you, but you didn't read that. I think you should apologize.

MaireadMcSweeney · 03/04/2023 06:36

Sweeted · 03/04/2023 05:49

In all honesty, no. He's really not. He's got no problem expecting me to be capable of everything under all circumstances

I used to have a husband like this. Expected me to know everything, do everything and sort everything unless it was something he wanted to use to make me feel small and useless. It's not a nice trait.

shutthewindownow · 03/04/2023 06:37

He doesn't sound very nice
Is he always such a nob?

LoisLane66 · 03/04/2023 06:38

I think you're hard work. Why the book-length post? What d'ye want us to say? Whatever WE think isn't going to change what YOU think of your husband. So...you pay for xyz and a platinum service therefore don't ring your DH.

Ladybug14 · 03/04/2023 06:47

Sweeted · 02/04/2023 22:03

Sorry, I didn't realise I was switching fonts! I was doing this on my phone, I don't know what I've done to make that happen, sorry.

No need to apologise. Posting on a phone on MN is often filled with weirdness 🙄

Your husband is a dick

Don't involve him in this sort of thing again

You don't need him, you can sort life events yourself

In fact ....... is he needed at all? 🤗

Kittensat36 · 03/04/2023 06:50

Ktime · 02/04/2023 22:01

I liked it too. The foreskin of foresight 😂

I didn't think OP's comment could be improved on, it made me laugh. But @ktime you managed to. I shall have difficulty keeping a straight face next time I am in the car with DP. He's not insufferable like OP's DH, but he does have that confidence...... Although he hasn't questioned my directions in a long day.

GobbieMaggie · 03/04/2023 06:52

Do you have a short version of that ?

Sweeted · 03/04/2023 06:56

If nothing else, this thread has taught me that carsplaining is a thing and that a lot of people have exceptionally poor reading comprehension.

(I already knew that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't on here. If you give all the information then you've simply given too much information and provided too many words. If you don't give it all, you're dripfeeding and backpedaling, shame on you, you're a troll, this can't be real.....🙄)

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread