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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband being a cock!!

233 replies

Sweeted · 02/04/2023 21:44

Was driving my 14yo son back from his weekend away and we went over a hidden pothole in the road which ripped a massive hole in my front offside tyre. I pulled over into a carpark and immediately assessed the damage and tried to connect to my breakdown and recovery app. Signal was patchy so I stayed with the car and asked my son to go along the road a bit to see if he could get some signal and call DHto tell him the tyre was torn and to ask him to contact recovery for me and explain the issue. DS said DH was sighing and grumbling and getting snappy, then said “go back to the car.” DS said he was being really off and he didn’t know if DH was calling breakdown or not, so I went along the road myself, found some signal and booked the recovery. I pay for fully comp platinum service so I know they have to get me home and then the vehicle somewhere to be repaired. I texted my husband to let him know I booked it

Fifteen minutes later, my DH pulls into the car park, gets out of his car with an air compressor, doesn’t say hello or anything and dives for my front wheel and attaches it to my tyre. The air pisses out of the massive tear. I said “What are you doing? That won’t work, there’s a tear in it.” He said, "yeah, I know- come here and look.” Well, I don’t need to look, I’ve already seen it haven’t I? Anyway, I do look and say “yes, I know. There’s a huge water filled pothole on the road. It looks like a little puddle.” He gave me a contemptuous look and said “I don’t know why you even drove this way.” I replied, "I don't even know what to say to that." Apparently he would have gone an alternate route and taken the car safely home, but I, with my obvious inferiority, chose a suboptimal route which was, according to google maps “two minutes slower.” 😑
Telling him that he could have been rear ended on his hypothetical better journey, could have hit a car, an animal or come across any number of incidents didn’t seem to compute. He's simply too good of a driver.

The breakdown man arrived. My husband pipes up with, “he’ll have to tow you, he won’t have a spare.” I replied that I wasn’t sure what would happen but it was ok. Because of what I pay for, I wasn’t bothered how it was done, I just knew it would be. But straight away he said to the guy, "you haven’t got a spare have you? No. See, I told you!” All smug like his penis gives him super foresight as well as route planning perfection. Then the guy said, "I do have a spare wheel though which will fit.” Husband went a bit quiet, I said, "aha, that’s perfect!” DH STRODE towards his car saying, "yeah, you’re all smug now so I’m going home.”

I replied, "Oh, ok, I don’t really know why you came though.” Because I didn’t! He left two kids (15yo and 7yo) at home to check if my assessment of a torn tyre was accurate. He zoomed out of that carpark.

It was so embarrassing! The repair guy said it looked like my husband didn’t believe I knew what had happened and said that regularly he sees blokes who think their wives have fucked up when stuff like this happens to them, but when it happens to the man, they’re blameless.

We got home, the car got to the garage. Exactly the service I pay for. As expected. I asked my husband why the hell he behaved like that and he said “I drove all that way to help you and you acted like you didn’t need my help. It was like a slap in the face!”

WHAT? Because I used the professional service I pay for to solve a problem he had no way of solving? AND told him in advance that I had done so? I told him I didn’t think he had come to help, he came to crow/whinge about how inept I am and how I have caused such a problem. He went on to say about how much money it’s going to cost for a new tyre when we just bought some. I asked what all this “we” business was about. I paid for the tyres, I pay for the servicing, the insurance, the recovery and breakdown, the MOT, the excesses and I will also be paying for this as he well knows, so he’s got nothing to be so pressed about!!

He had a good long session of sulking upstairs. It’s our son’s birthday tomorrow and my husband is meant to be helping me clean ahead of company arriving tomorrow and put up banners. He was literally sulking because he doesn’t like me ”going on at him^'" I just went up to ask him to come and do something to assist and he's fast asleep under the blankets.

Aibu to be boiling fucking mad??^

OP posts:
TheHateIsNotGood · 02/04/2023 23:47

You missed the post where I apoligized to OP for assuming that all cars have spare wheels. But don't let facts get in the way of your assumptions DelphiGirl.

And calling someone a 'dafty' is a word that comes with kindness attached to it, or are you going to tell me I don't even know what the words I speak mean, because you know so MUCH more.

Twilight7777 · 02/04/2023 23:47

He did it deliberately to get out of helping with the party as someone said.

Mamanyt · 02/04/2023 23:48

Eyerollcentral · 02/04/2023 22:36

Doesn’t seem like it. I wouldn’t get on like you two do to someone I hate never mind to someone I am supposed to love. You are horrible to one another, if you think either of your behaviour is normal loving behaviour you are v far from reality.

Show quote history

Nice to know that there's one person on Mumsnet who never, ever gets into a row with their spouse over something small in the relative scheme of things! It gives the rest of us lesser mortals something to aspire to. 🙄

Most couples, even normally loving ones, have things like this happen occasionally. Those who don't actually worry me. It generally means that someone is keeping quiet to keep the peace.

Original poster
Sweeted · 02/04/2023 23:49

TheHateIsNotGood · 02/04/2023 23:35

Jesus, Mo and Bud have all wept for centuries ffs - same as women have been in charge of their own lives, but still so many aren't, what bits of this are so many PPs not understanding.

Your car, your life, etc - deal with it, work it out yourself - why call someone else about your minor app/tyre related problem? But, hey, your DH didn't respond in the way you wanted, so what, he must have other uses or why be with him.

I suggest going it alone instead if he's that terrible, but then I'm considered outdated, past-century, out of touch and too old to even speak of such things. That's progress for you.

Mate, what the fuck is this salty word salad?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweeted · 02/04/2023 23:51

Duckingella · 02/04/2023 23:38

Please tell me when he flounced off like a teenage girl having a tantrum he at least took your 14 year old and didn't leave him with you?

The 14 year old chose to stay with me. He took one look at his dad's pouty face and death grip on the steering wheel and declined to exit my broken vehicle in favour of his Dad's functional one. And I don't blame him at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweeted · 02/04/2023 23:55

Autienotnautie · 02/04/2023 23:43

You both sound like you really don't like each other.

This afternoon we definitely didn't. 96% of the time we do. I also don't really like him much on Christmas Eve after 9pm 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
CockSpadget · 02/04/2023 23:55

He’s acted like a cock because he’s embarrassed. He thought he was going to turn up and re inflate it, save the day, then mock you for calling the breakdown services unnecessarily. His amazing penis driven foresight hadn’t factored in him turning up to a gaping tear. Knobhead 😂

Hawkins003 · 02/04/2023 23:58

Sweeted · 02/04/2023 22:03

Sorry, I didn't realise I was switching fonts! I was doing this on my phone, I don't know what I've done to make that happen, sorry.

It's quite nicely written, your dh was a pickle of the highest order, instead of trying to say told you so ect your dh should of been trying to help.
No wonder marriages or relationships begin to break down when the novelty or love begins to fade.

Original poster
Sweeted · 02/04/2023 23:59

CockSpadget · 02/04/2023 23:55

He’s acted like a cock because he’s embarrassed. He thought he was going to turn up and re inflate it, save the day, then mock you for calling the breakdown services unnecessarily. His amazing penis driven foresight hadn’t factored in him turning up to a gaping tear. Knobhead 😂

This is my thinking. And I'd have admired him all the more if he confessed that he had come to rescue me and be The Man, but had been defeated by the pothole's viciousness. Instead he had to swish some audacity around in his bloodstream and ruin any chance for me to view his actions positively

OP posts:
weirdoboelady · 03/04/2023 00:04

He's behaved like a total dick this evening, but it sounds from what you've said as if he is normally more vagina-like and sensible. (Note to self - dickishness is a continuum so the other end must be a vagina, right?) Sulking is sooo deeply unattractive - I am married to a part time dick (and so is he - I have my moments too). Love your writing style and even enjoyed the italics.

He'll get over it - is part of his stress about money, do you think? A ripped to pieces tyre is never cheap.

billy1966 · 03/04/2023 00:05

You are not mad.

He sounds like an awful moron, AND he sulks🙄.

In your place I would be mortified that my husband was such a tit.

You have my sympathy OP.

Tedious men are exhausting.

Mind yourself.

CockSpadget · 03/04/2023 00:09

@Sweeted yep, it’s exactly something my other half would do. Contrary to the opinions of a few calamity Pamela’s on here, it by no means sounds like you don’t like each other, he wouldn’t have even come out if that was the case. And you will prob be taking the piss out of each other about it when he’s got over his sulk.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 03/04/2023 00:12

@Sweeted You've taken counter-trolling to new heights in your delightfully snappy replies! I think my favourite is:
"Mate, what the fuck is this salty word salad?" and I might have to use this! 🏆🤭
Glad you made it home safely and hope the sulking has ended.
Please update! 😄

Nimbostratus100 · 03/04/2023 00:12

ReliantRobyn · 02/04/2023 23:33

Do you struggle with reading generally?

Show quote history

yes why?

Original poster
Sweeted · 03/04/2023 00:17

weirdoboelady · 03/04/2023 00:04

He's behaved like a total dick this evening, but it sounds from what you've said as if he is normally more vagina-like and sensible. (Note to self - dickishness is a continuum so the other end must be a vagina, right?) Sulking is sooo deeply unattractive - I am married to a part time dick (and so is he - I have my moments too). Love your writing style and even enjoyed the italics.

He'll get over it - is part of his stress about money, do you think? A ripped to pieces tyre is never cheap.

Probably, but it's not him that will pay for the tyre. 'Tis I who will bear that expense. And even if it is money that's annoying him, I don't expect him to treat me as if I selected that route on purpose, planning to mangle a tyre and reap all of his precious pounds replacing something that was functional prior to the "accident." I'm as pissed off about this as anyone. My car, my tyre, my money! His hand need not stray near his dusty wallet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweeted · 03/04/2023 00:20

Mumtobabyhavoc · 03/04/2023 00:12

@Sweeted You've taken counter-trolling to new heights in your delightfully snappy replies! I think my favourite is:
"Mate, what the fuck is this salty word salad?" and I might have to use this! 🏆🤭
Glad you made it home safely and hope the sulking has ended.
Please update! 😄

Update-

Twenty minutes ago he was eating a chocolate spread sandwich viciously. Picture it. Tearing at it with his flat little human teeth and scowling all the while. I don't think he's anywhere near over it yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweeted · 03/04/2023 00:25

@Nimbostratus100

My DH, whom I actually love very much (I just like him less on days where he's a raging knob), also struggles with reading. His issue is dyslexia and I know he would struggle with a change of font in the middle of a block of text. As I said, it wasn't my intention to pepper it with random italics and I'm sorry that made it more difficult for you to read.

OP posts:
ilikeyarn · 03/04/2023 00:25

When I was learning how to drive, my father said, "Sometimes, you can be right, but you can also be dead right." He meant, sometimes, you have to work around somebody else's driving error to survive.

I believe you are right in this whole scenario, albeit dead right. You've ended up hurting your husband's feelings. It seems the guy can't handle as much as maybe he could in the past; getting older perhaps? I'd cut him some slack.

Hawkins003 · 03/04/2023 00:28

ilikeyarn · 03/04/2023 00:25

When I was learning how to drive, my father said, "Sometimes, you can be right, but you can also be dead right." He meant, sometimes, you have to work around somebody else's driving error to survive.

I believe you are right in this whole scenario, albeit dead right. You've ended up hurting your husband's feelings. It seems the guy can't handle as much as maybe he could in the past; getting older perhaps? I'd cut him some slack.

It's like the philosophy of you know the other person is completely wrong, but you should try to suppress the told you so, so that it helps both sides to win rather than the whole your wrong I'm right,

Even if, like this one, the op is completely correct.

Original poster
Sweeted · 03/04/2023 00:28

ilikeyarn · 03/04/2023 00:25

When I was learning how to drive, my father said, "Sometimes, you can be right, but you can also be dead right." He meant, sometimes, you have to work around somebody else's driving error to survive.

I believe you are right in this whole scenario, albeit dead right. You've ended up hurting your husband's feelings. It seems the guy can't handle as much as maybe he could in the past; getting older perhaps? I'd cut him some slack.

Very good advice. I shall remember that.

He is in his 30s though, so I'm not sure getting older is much of an excuse for this.

OP posts:
Hawkins003 · 03/04/2023 00:31

Sweeted · 03/04/2023 00:28

Very good advice. I shall remember that.

He is in his 30s though, so I'm not sure getting older is much of an excuse for this.

Show quote history

He was just being a big pickle, and your correct to do the told you so.
But then it just festers resentment, etc,

Sometimes it's a Pyrrhic victory.

Fraaahnces · 03/04/2023 00:35

Having been through similar emasculating attempts in the past with my DH, he now knows his that he is far too busy and important to leave his “work” (even if he is dicking around at home) to come out and pretend that he is Sir Galahad. Our mechanic (who has known our family for over 30 years) told him to trust my judgement over his own asI have more knowledge about how cars work than he does (I used to help dad in the shed) and he needs to keep his opinions to himself. (Could have kissed the bloke at the time, but would have been the lemon juice in DH’s man papercuts.)

Itsbritneybitch22 · 03/04/2023 00:47

Sweeted · 02/04/2023 22:43

Ah, @Eyerollcentral. Your name is so apt. Reading some of your responses on other threads is entertaining. You save all your "getting on at" for strangers on the internet! I bet you are absolutely brimful of repressed rage in real life. I can imagine you with a fake smile for everyone, hot tea sloshing about in your special cup as you tremble with 24/7 indignation.

I love this 😂

EmmaEmerald · 03/04/2023 00:56

OP it's not worth responding to some folks.

That's really awful and weird behaviour by your DH. I hope he's not like this in other ways. I wonder what brought it on this time.

as for road routes, my late father was like that - his route was the Right Route. I told him he could drive himself or keep his opinions to himself!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/04/2023 01:04

Christ are you still going on about this?

It’s your car, your tyres, your breakdown cover etc… we’ll keep the damn details with you then!

You could have just called and given your reg number and they could have sorted it. But you sent your 14-year off down the road in a panic, begrudged your husband turning up and now want to feel smug about it all??