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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband being a cock!!

233 replies

Sweeted · 02/04/2023 21:44

Was driving my 14yo son back from his weekend away and we went over a hidden pothole in the road which ripped a massive hole in my front offside tyre. I pulled over into a carpark and immediately assessed the damage and tried to connect to my breakdown and recovery app. Signal was patchy so I stayed with the car and asked my son to go along the road a bit to see if he could get some signal and call DHto tell him the tyre was torn and to ask him to contact recovery for me and explain the issue. DS said DH was sighing and grumbling and getting snappy, then said “go back to the car.” DS said he was being really off and he didn’t know if DH was calling breakdown or not, so I went along the road myself, found some signal and booked the recovery. I pay for fully comp platinum service so I know they have to get me home and then the vehicle somewhere to be repaired. I texted my husband to let him know I booked it

Fifteen minutes later, my DH pulls into the car park, gets out of his car with an air compressor, doesn’t say hello or anything and dives for my front wheel and attaches it to my tyre. The air pisses out of the massive tear. I said “What are you doing? That won’t work, there’s a tear in it.” He said, "yeah, I know- come here and look.” Well, I don’t need to look, I’ve already seen it haven’t I? Anyway, I do look and say “yes, I know. There’s a huge water filled pothole on the road. It looks like a little puddle.” He gave me a contemptuous look and said “I don’t know why you even drove this way.” I replied, "I don't even know what to say to that." Apparently he would have gone an alternate route and taken the car safely home, but I, with my obvious inferiority, chose a suboptimal route which was, according to google maps “two minutes slower.” 😑
Telling him that he could have been rear ended on his hypothetical better journey, could have hit a car, an animal or come across any number of incidents didn’t seem to compute. He's simply too good of a driver.

The breakdown man arrived. My husband pipes up with, “he’ll have to tow you, he won’t have a spare.” I replied that I wasn’t sure what would happen but it was ok. Because of what I pay for, I wasn’t bothered how it was done, I just knew it would be. But straight away he said to the guy, "you haven’t got a spare have you? No. See, I told you!” All smug like his penis gives him super foresight as well as route planning perfection. Then the guy said, "I do have a spare wheel though which will fit.” Husband went a bit quiet, I said, "aha, that’s perfect!” DH STRODE towards his car saying, "yeah, you’re all smug now so I’m going home.”

I replied, "Oh, ok, I don’t really know why you came though.” Because I didn’t! He left two kids (15yo and 7yo) at home to check if my assessment of a torn tyre was accurate. He zoomed out of that carpark.

It was so embarrassing! The repair guy said it looked like my husband didn’t believe I knew what had happened and said that regularly he sees blokes who think their wives have fucked up when stuff like this happens to them, but when it happens to the man, they’re blameless.

We got home, the car got to the garage. Exactly the service I pay for. As expected. I asked my husband why the hell he behaved like that and he said “I drove all that way to help you and you acted like you didn’t need my help. It was like a slap in the face!”

WHAT? Because I used the professional service I pay for to solve a problem he had no way of solving? AND told him in advance that I had done so? I told him I didn’t think he had come to help, he came to crow/whinge about how inept I am and how I have caused such a problem. He went on to say about how much money it’s going to cost for a new tyre when we just bought some. I asked what all this “we” business was about. I paid for the tyres, I pay for the servicing, the insurance, the recovery and breakdown, the MOT, the excesses and I will also be paying for this as he well knows, so he’s got nothing to be so pressed about!!

He had a good long session of sulking upstairs. It’s our son’s birthday tomorrow and my husband is meant to be helping me clean ahead of company arriving tomorrow and put up banners. He was literally sulking because he doesn’t like me ”going on at him^'" I just went up to ask him to come and do something to assist and he's fast asleep under the blankets.

Aibu to be boiling fucking mad??^

OP posts:
Rayn22 · 02/04/2023 23:16

Sweeted · 02/04/2023 22:43

Ah, @Eyerollcentral. Your name is so apt. Reading some of your responses on other threads is entertaining. You save all your "getting on at" for strangers on the internet! I bet you are absolutely brimful of repressed rage in real life. I can imagine you with a fake smile for everyone, hot tea sloshing about in your special cup as you tremble with 24/7 indignation.

You are right! So many wankers on and there is always one or two who would do things so different and are far superior not to argue or act like a knob.

Avatartar · 02/04/2023 23:16

I recognise this behaviour- instead of a bit of - glad you are ok, accidents happen- got to make the whole situation worse for everybody. Enjoyment thief - irritate him by pretending you haven’t noticed/ don’t care, then have a think about your long term plan - concentrate on the birthday and having a nice time- DH will probably feign dreadful illness especially if it’s your family visiting and not his

UniversalMamma · 02/04/2023 23:19

Sweeted · 02/04/2023 22:25

Why are there so many picky little wankers on here tonight? It's MY car. Yes, I have ovaries, but they've not scrambled my brain so much that I can't identify a spare wheel in or under my vehicle. Even if I was suffering from XX mania, XY mechanic didn't find a fucking spare either. Know why? Because there isn't one! Why did I call roadside assistance when my tyre was torn? Because I NEEDED IT. I'm sure some of you would have fused the tyre back together with the power of your almighty pith, but I only have GreenFlag,

Haha I love you OP 😄

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 02/04/2023 23:19

Lunde · 02/04/2023 22:37

Many modern cars no longer come with a spare wheel. It's a complete pain in the arse especially when the tyre suffers damage on a gravel track in the middle of nowhere in rural Sweden

You can get a temporary wheel quite cheaply that will suffice to get you home/to a garage - I think we paid about £40 for ours.

BreviloquentBastard · 02/04/2023 23:19

TheHateIsNotGood · 02/04/2023 22:47

Oooh - never had so many reponses to one of my posts before, what nerve have I touched? Anyways, if all these DHs are so useless, etc maybe many here might prefer to go it alone instead? It might mean certain downgrades in lifestyle and cars driven of course (so old they might even have a spare wheel) but really a small price to pay for not putting up with a cock (birds excepted).

Er, what century are you from? Most women are quite capable of paying for their lifestyles and cars without the contributions of a man. Jesus wept.

Justlovedogs · 02/04/2023 23:21

Mildred007 · 02/04/2023 22:55

Wow!! 😳🙄

BTW how old are you classing an "old" car as our 14 Yr old 7 seater has no spare tyre either 🤔

@Mildred007 I raise you a 22 year old BMW 5 series that has no spare... Grin

Delphigirl · 02/04/2023 23:22

@TheHateIsNotGood since you know absolutely nothing about cars post about 2006, clearly (which was the last time I bought a car with an actual spare wheel) why have you even commented?
My current car hasn’t got a petrol tank, no doubt that will blow your tiny mind too. Or maybe you will call me ‘dear’ and tell me to look at the back of the car under the filler flap.

OP yes your DH is a cock (but possibly not quite as much as some on this thread) and I also admire the foreskin of foresight!

MyMumIsOnMN · 02/04/2023 23:22

Do you regularly argue like that in front of your children over trivial issues?

BitOutOfPractice · 02/04/2023 23:23

Hey @Sweeted dont sorry about the italics. I liked how it made me read it!

I love the fact that the thread is now full of people explaining to the op how she was in fact wrong all along 🙄 not all cars have spare wheels nowadays!

SleepingStandingUp · 02/04/2023 23:24

I bet your husband could have found a spare tyre OP 😂 used the penis like a water dowser.

UniversalMamma · 02/04/2023 23:24

SleepingStandingUp · 02/04/2023 23:24

I bet your husband could have found a spare tyre OP 😂 used the penis like a water dowser.

😂😂😂

PousseyNotMoira · 02/04/2023 23:27

TheHateIsNotGood · 02/04/2023 23:16

Now you're just sounding ageist 'poussey' - have you any driving a car or changing a wheel experience yourself? Or is that not relevant to the conversation.

Not caring about your non sequiturs doesn’t make me ageist.

Whst a weird question. You think driving is some rare skillset? And, nope, my driving and wheel changing experience isn’t relevant at all. Do at least try to keep up with what’s going on. 🤣

Fromwetome · 02/04/2023 23:29

Beautiful creative writing, I felt like I was in the room the whole time with you

ReliantRobyn · 02/04/2023 23:33

Nimbostratus100 · 02/04/2023 21:46

yanbu, but it is hard to read when you keep switching fonts

Do you struggle with reading generally?

TeenLifeMum · 02/04/2023 23:33

I’m continually stunned at the shit treatment people on here tolerate, moan about but continue with. I just can’t understand how you would behave like that towards someone you love.

TheHateIsNotGood · 02/04/2023 23:35

Jesus, Mo and Bud have all wept for centuries ffs - same as women have been in charge of their own lives, but still so many aren't, what bits of this are so many PPs not understanding.

Your car, your life, etc - deal with it, work it out yourself - why call someone else about your minor app/tyre related problem? But, hey, your DH didn't respond in the way you wanted, so what, he must have other uses or why be with him.

I suggest going it alone instead if he's that terrible, but then I'm considered outdated, past-century, out of touch and too old to even speak of such things. That's progress for you.

ChappellApple · 02/04/2023 23:37

OP. Maybe buy your Husband a wheelbarrow for his oversized foreskin of foresight? Lugging round something oh sooo huge was probably the cause of his exhaustion! Of course, there appear to be a few 'Billy Big B*llocks' on here tonight, who could benefit from one, also! 😂

Duckingella · 02/04/2023 23:38

Please tell me when he flounced off like a teenage girl having a tantrum he at least took your 14 year old and didn't leave him with you?

Clarinet1 · 02/04/2023 23:40

I think your husband is a cock because he didn’t do what he was asked to in the first place - contact roadside assistance not come to where you were!

Delphigirl · 02/04/2023 23:40

TheHateIsNotGood · 02/04/2023 23:35

Jesus, Mo and Bud have all wept for centuries ffs - same as women have been in charge of their own lives, but still so many aren't, what bits of this are so many PPs not understanding.

Your car, your life, etc - deal with it, work it out yourself - why call someone else about your minor app/tyre related problem? But, hey, your DH didn't respond in the way you wanted, so what, he must have other uses or why be with him.

I suggest going it alone instead if he's that terrible, but then I'm considered outdated, past-century, out of touch and too old to even speak of such things. That's progress for you.

This isn’t even literate.

I think what you meant to say was “I’m sorry for calling you a “dafty” in a patronising manner when in fact I am the idiot for assuming I know more about your car than you do, when in fact I know nothing about cars at all”

That’s MUCH better.

Moveoverdarlin · 02/04/2023 23:40

Personally I despise dealing with shit like that and I would be over the moon if my husband turned up, whatever his theory was I would say ‘ok darling you know best, you stay with the lovely breakdown man and I’ll take your car and DS back home. See you back at home, I’ll have the dinner on.’ Then I would get out of there as fast as possible leaving DH and breakdown man chatting about f’ing pot holes and spare tyres and premium breakdown packages. I’d be grateful he turned up but you seem to have your shit together when it comes to this sort of stuff, so don’t sweat it. Think he was trying to be helpful in his own way.

Autienotnautie · 02/04/2023 23:43

You both sound like you really don't like each other.

ifeelimgoingmad · 02/04/2023 23:45

I didn’t get a spare with my car, but I went to the local scrappy and got one to keep in the boot on advice from my dad.

I can change a tyre but I’d spend the entire journey onwards absolutely terrified it wasn’t done properly 🤣 so I’d call the breakdown cover and have them change it. It may be worthwhile investing in a spare?

That said, where my parents live the pothole are horrendous and my sister ended up with warped suspension etc, council still didn’t pay out after loads of complaints! Even one of their workvans fell victim!

Gillbil · 02/04/2023 23:45

It sounds like he's using it as a way to get out of doing work for your child's birthday under the guise of sulking.
He's choosing his ego over being a parent....and you.
LTB

Sweeted · 02/04/2023 23:45

MyMumIsOnMN · 02/04/2023 23:22

Do you regularly argue like that in front of your children over trivial issues?

No.
Nor did we. My 14 year old is delightfully oblivious to the world directly in front of him when he's got his headphones on. He would definitely not have cared about me and his dad talking at a level significantly below the eardrum punishing music on his AirPods outside of the vehicle he was in....and we are his parents, so barely get a second glance.

OP posts: