Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

DH and his GF diet

167 replies

Surfingthewaves · 02/04/2023 19:29

Hi I’m after some advice as I’m getting a bit stressed!

background… married for 25 years, two teenagers. I work FT, DH has a number of debilitating health issues including fibromyalgia, coeliac disease, anaemia (being investigated) amongst other things. He’s not well enough to go to work but has his own business WFH (long before the pandemic) and this way he can obviously choose his working hours and rest (nap) when he needs to, he also has crippling insomnia.

I do (and always have done) food shopping, planning and preparation- not because he’s lazy, he does his fair share but struggles in this area and generally I don’t mind so it works for us.

However, about 6 weeks ago he was diagnosed with Coeliac disease so is now gluten free. No problem, I’ve researched it, there’s a lot of GF alternatives and overall it wasn’t an issue. However he now naps about 4 - 8pm most days and is not hungry till about 9. The rest of us eat earlier about 7 as 9 is too late for us to eat.

sometimes I just plate up his dinner and he reheats it when he’s hungry (meals like spaghetti Bol, Kung po chicken, omelettes etc) but now he’s saying he doesn’t fancy a full meal and also wants to lose weight so he wants a snack.

He has sandwiches for lunch so doesn’t want that, he wants me to make him things like poached eggs & bacon or beans on toast.

I’m just knackered by 9 and don’t want to- I’ve said can’t you do that yourself but then he looks so sorry for himself and I can see he’s in pain so I end up doing it.

Although he’s always telling me how much he appreciates and loves me I feel like a housekeeper.

I can’t find a compromise or solution 😬

OP posts:

Original poster

Surfingthewaves · 02/04/2023 19:30

Forgot to add as he’s not eating his meals sometimes it gets chucked and this annoys me as GF alternatives are really expensive

OP posts:

DisplayPurposesOnly · 02/04/2023 19:31

Tell the lazy git to poach his own fucking eggs.

GordonShakespearedoesChristmas · 02/04/2023 19:31

Gluten free Huel.

Lucyccfc68 · 02/04/2023 19:31

There is a solution. Ignore the puppy dog eyes and stop enabling the babyish behaviour. If he can run a business, then he can make himself a simple snack.

Curseofthenation · 02/04/2023 19:31

How about half portions of the meals? If that isn't good enough, then leave him to it. It's what he would be doing if he lived alone.

Pinkflipflop85 · 02/04/2023 19:32

If he wants to eat that late and wants specific things then he can cook it himself.

Pinkflipflop85 · 02/04/2023 19:32

If he wants to eat that late and wants specific things then he can cook it himself.

TakeMe2Insanity · 02/04/2023 19:33

This isn’t about his illnesses, this is about him not making basic light meals. If he doesn’t know how now is a good time to learn. If he’s just lazy…

mbosnz · 02/04/2023 19:33

I hope we're thinking gluten free beans and gluten free toast.

I get that he's just found out he is coeliac, but he's a grown man. He should know how to nuke some beans, poach an egg, and toast some toast.

It's up to him.

Our daughter is coeliac. She eats with us. Okay, we eat later than most. But you either eat at the family time, or sort yourself out.

Rattlethestars · 02/04/2023 19:33

As someone who also suffers with chronic illness which causes widespread pain and debilitating fatigue, he's BU.

He either needs to make himself easy meals or just have a smaller portion of whatever youve already made, adapted to his own needs. He can't just request this of you all the time. Fine if you want do it for him occasionally but otherwise he needs to sort himself out.

Blobblobblob · 02/04/2023 19:34

He's being ridiculous. How much effort is it to knock up his own bloody sandwiches?

isthewashingdryyet · 02/04/2023 19:34

Surely he needs lots of really good GF meals to help repair his poorly gut, as he will not have been absorbing nutrients properly for a long time, so now is not the time to lose weight ?
he gets his own food if he does not want yours. Lazy git.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 02/04/2023 19:34

Freeze the meals if he doesn't eat them, then there are options for him when you cook something he doesn't want/ isn't gluten free.

But like fuck would I be making him something different at 9pm. I'd be happy to have a discussion about what kinds of things he'd like and where that fits with what you and your kids want to eat to plan that for dinner. But you're not running a restaurant and he's taking the piss to expect you to cook him something different.

SeeWhatYouGetWhenYouAskAStupidQuestion · 02/04/2023 19:34

Would it be possible for him to sleep at lunchtime/early afternoon? Does he need 4 hours sleep? Surely he can't sleep at night because he doesn't wake up until 8pm?

Cherrybl0ssm · 02/04/2023 19:34

Anemia and celiac are linked.
Maybe batch cook and then small snack sized potions he can heat up.
Although is really sounds like a pain in the bum

NoSquirrels · 02/04/2023 19:35

If he’d like you to cook for genuine reasons, then he either needs to eat at the time everyone else is, or have the meals that are kept for him. You could make him an omelette or scrambled eggs and leave it in the microwave - it won’t be that nice, but if that’s what he wants eh, he’ll cope. Poached eggs would be an absolute no from me. And I’m sure he can manage his own beans on toast at whatever hour.

Tinkerbyebye · 02/04/2023 19:35

Cooking his own food will allow him to take his mind off his pain. Tell him he either eats what you cook or he does his own

Craftybodger · 02/04/2023 19:35

It would be a NOPE from me. I’m not a short order cook. He eats with the family, or heats it up later, but nothing different would be cooked.

Bearpawk · 02/04/2023 19:36

Half portion of his meal - stretch it out for 2 nights - perfect
Huel
Read made salad he can get himself
He makes himself whatever he wants

Struggling to see how beans on toast is any 'healthier' than a small portion of a regular home cooked meal tbh. Gluten free bread is heavily processed and costs a fortune.

cannaecookrisotto · 02/04/2023 19:37

DisplayPurposesOnly · 02/04/2023 19:31

Tell the lazy git to poach his own fucking eggs.

I agree, if he wants you to cook for him then he can eat with the rest of the family.
Expecting you to fire the kitchen up after just getting everyone sorted and sitting down yourself really isn't on.

cannaecookrisotto · 02/04/2023 19:38

And also, eating that late can't be good for his digestion or weight loss.

NoSquirrels · 02/04/2023 19:38

He has sandwiches for lunch so doesn’t want that, he wants me to make him things like poached eggs & bacon or beans on toast.

Why can’t he have poached eggs at lunch and sandwiches at night? He can prep his sandwiches when he poaches his eggs, if he’s less fatigued earlier in the day.

LividNC · 02/04/2023 19:39

This sounds really hard on YOU.

I appreciate he’s ill but this must be taking a huge toll on the family?

Rightsaidmargot · 02/04/2023 19:40

My daughter has coeliac disease. I feel your pain 😬. What about heating up the meal for lunch the next day and having sandwich for tea. Or otherwise he could resort to the coeliac standby, jacket potato and beans. Even my 9 year old can manage to make that herself!

Rightsaidmargot · 02/04/2023 19:41

I wouldn't worry about losing weight until you've got into a routine with the diet.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7