At what age do you ask a woman....

[LilacRain12]

If she has kids?
There's a girl of 20 years old at work and she was asked if she had any children the other day. Felt that was a bit young to be asked. I wouldn't ask anyone under 23 personally.

I don't ask. I know too many women who have challenges and it's heartbreaking.

I would wait for someone to volunteer the information before having a chat about it.

I can't see that it matters if you did say that. Its not actually offensive is it. Most people would just laugh.

You don’t. It’s none of your business unless she tells you.

I wouldn't assume anyone has children.

@MoongazyHare I am talking about in a work setting. I worked in a huge multinational, we were mostly a similar age and grew up in there.

I can see it's really upsetting to people in while going through their own personal traumas, so I apologise if that's insensitive of me. But I do find it's a reality of work particularly as working from home is now accommodated. Not in a big "let's have a chat" but it is casually mentioned.

Pretty certain it's not the go-to question for a man of any age.

Although the vast majority of adults do become parents, fathers are not defined by being one. I imagine this is probably due to the burden of parenting landing squarely with women in most cases

I'd rather ask so how do you spend your days? What do you like to do when you have spare time? What's your second favourite animal? 😄 How do you know (X)?

Generally speaking, I try and ask pretty open questions and see where we go.

This is so strange.

This. Learn some sensitivity people!

You never 'need' to ask anyone. I would never ask colleagues about their family situations, it's inappropriate - you have no idea what they are going through. And no one asks men. I'd only ask if they bring it up

I wouldn't ask at all as I suspect it'd come up in conversation naturally by them if they wanted to talk about it.

I started a job in September, and the only colleagues I know for sure are parents are the one who was on paternity leave when I arrived, the HoD, who is a neighbour with a 17 year old who once babysat my DS, and the one who had to bring a toddler in an emergency. Oh, and a colleague my age I vaguely assumed didn’t have a child because from things she said, it was clearly only her and her husband living at home and going on holiday together — but it turns out from a conversation last week, she has a son in his thirties and currently living in Finland, having got pregnant in her teens. It just didn’t come up. I’d imagine most colleagues don’t know whether I’m a parent or not.

Oh I’ve seen people on here being accused of being smug when they say “that’s why I never had kids”.

I mean if you mean what's a likely age... the average age in the UK for a first child is now 31 years old. So even 23 is pretty young to assume.

It doesn't really make sense though when people who have actively chosen to have kids accuse those who don't of being smug.

You obviously don't live on the SW coast of Scotland, no subject is off limits, no offence is taken and people just chat without a care. We are pretty hardy and don't have the collywobbles because someone asked a very simple question about our lives.

Why would you ask a woman and not a man?

I didn't mind being asked at 20, because I had a 1 year old. It reassured me that I wouldn't have people saying "ooh you're far too young to have a child, ooh I couldn't do it" which I had to put up with in several places 🙄

However I'd agree that in general, just don't ask. Why would you?