Page 5 | AIBU to be a little miserable

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 2023-04-02T07:27:32+00:00

We are supposed to be flying out this afternoon on a big family holiday. First big holiday since our plans were cancelled in April 2020 - and with us both working in the NHS we could do with the break Unfortunately DP has started with a migraine this morning. Happens once every few months. Severe headache, paracetamol and ibuprofen not touching it. Doesn’t look like we can fly today - and no flights tomorrow Obviously we are all a bit pissed off about this - but DP has just told me off for being miserable and said I need to snap out of this. Given this is a much wanted holiday - and we’ll probably not be covered by insurance for this - am I allowed to wallow in a little misery?

Inkypinkee · 02/04/2023 09:26

You can still try triptans even though you feel you have “missed the window”. Would be worth it not to miss the flight.

Original poster

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 09:27

ThomasinaLivesHere · 02/04/2023 09:24

You’re responding but not to those asking why you all have to stay at home. Why can’t you go ahead? I wouldn’t want others missing out because of my illness.

Also like others say check travel insurance. It may be covered but you’ll need doctors note.

Because with had a difficult few years and this is celebrating coming out of that - hopefully better had stronger together. Going alone would seem like a kick in the teeth to her and a step back

OP posts:

Thehonestbadger · 02/04/2023 09:29

Hmm

My spidey senses are tingling on this one.
‘Big family holiday’ suggests kids are involved. OP doesn’t refer to age of kids but I have a feeling they aren’t self sufficient teenagers.
It’s common sense that the well parent would fly out with the kids and the unwell one would follow days later to mitigate cost and holiday loss. I mean that’s very clearly the common sense option.

Reading between the lines I see ‘I’m not willing to take my kids alone on holiday for a couple of days before my wife can join us because I’m either unwilling or unable to manage them and my wife would usually do the lions share of shitty holiday practical parenting whilst I enjoyed myself’

This would also explain the wife’s lack of sympathy to the situation ‘snap out of it or go ahead’ I hope I’m wrong but I’m not sure I am from what OP has posted so far.

CandlelightGlow · 02/04/2023 09:30

I know every relationship was different but if it was me I would actively want my partner to go and enjoy the holiday. the only factor for us would be if taking the kids alone would still be considered as enjoying the holiday or if it would be more pain than pleasure (but ours are really little).

Have you spoken to her about the idea of going alone? Has she brought it up at all?

KnackeredGoat · 02/04/2023 09:30

I suffer from migraines and I’ve found I can use a combination of things that get me to function for a short amount of time. Syndol tablets, ibuprofen gel on my neck and a forehead stick. It doesn’t last forever, but it would be enough to get me to the airport and no way would I miss out on a holiday.

Is there any chance she is stressed about the holiday which has triggered the migraine?

BellaJuno · 02/04/2023 09:32

I can’t believe the lack of empathy for having a migraine, they’re really debilitating. I’d speak to your insurer to check if you’re covered and / or what you need to provide to evidence this.

Lizzt2007 · 02/04/2023 09:32

Thehonestbadger · 02/04/2023 09:29

Hmm

My spidey senses are tingling on this one.
‘Big family holiday’ suggests kids are involved. OP doesn’t refer to age of kids but I have a feeling they aren’t self sufficient teenagers.
It’s common sense that the well parent would fly out with the kids and the unwell one would follow days later to mitigate cost and holiday loss. I mean that’s very clearly the common sense option.

Reading between the lines I see ‘I’m not willing to take my kids alone on holiday for a couple of days before my wife can join us because I’m either unwilling or unable to manage them and my wife would usually do the lions share of shitty holiday practical parenting whilst I enjoyed myself’

This would also explain the wife’s lack of sympathy to the situation ‘snap out of it or go ahead’ I hope I’m wrong but I’m not sure I am from what OP has posted so far.

Or wife's a bit of a drama queen and thinks world should revolve around her, would therefore make ops life a living hell if he didn't stay with her.

CandlelightGlow · 02/04/2023 09:32

Thehonestbadger · 02/04/2023 09:29

Hmm

My spidey senses are tingling on this one.
‘Big family holiday’ suggests kids are involved. OP doesn’t refer to age of kids but I have a feeling they aren’t self sufficient teenagers.
It’s common sense that the well parent would fly out with the kids and the unwell one would follow days later to mitigate cost and holiday loss. I mean that’s very clearly the common sense option.

Reading between the lines I see ‘I’m not willing to take my kids alone on holiday for a couple of days before my wife can join us because I’m either unwilling or unable to manage them and my wife would usually do the lions share of shitty holiday practical parenting whilst I enjoyed myself’

This would also explain the wife’s lack of sympathy to the situation ‘snap out of it or go ahead’ I hope I’m wrong but I’m not sure I am from what OP has posted so far.

These kind of sexist responses are exactly why the OP was trying to avoid gendering him and his partner.

I'm a mum and my DP is far better equipped to handle days out with the kids. I have anxiety and get overwhelm but he is calm and just better physically able to keep up with toddlers and young children.

There's also no shame, as in my previous post, in deciding that a holiday with young DC alone may not be worth the effort and it may just be stressful and horrible for everyone involved.

Not everything is selfish and manipulative just because a man does it. 🙄

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 02/04/2023 09:32

Well there are lots of options which don't involve everyone missing the holiday and losing all the money. Get to a chemist, a private GP, on the phone to travel insurance or the airport to investigate what's going to work in this situation, whether it's medication and assistance for her to travel today, insurance covering the delayed travel for you all or organising separate travel.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 09:33

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 09:27

Because with had a difficult few years and this is celebrating coming out of that - hopefully better had stronger together. Going alone would seem like a kick in the teeth to her and a step back

Show quote history

Well you know her best. So try and get travel insurance to cover the cost of rebooking the entire holiday. Get a phone GP appointment or call it in. With my GP as they know my migraines and I have a consultant neurologist, my DH just called the office and they wrote a letter dated that day. The insurance company also sent a form that the GP filled out and signed later on when the claim was being processed.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 02/04/2023 09:33

Thehonestbadger · 02/04/2023 09:29

Hmm

My spidey senses are tingling on this one.
‘Big family holiday’ suggests kids are involved. OP doesn’t refer to age of kids but I have a feeling they aren’t self sufficient teenagers.
It’s common sense that the well parent would fly out with the kids and the unwell one would follow days later to mitigate cost and holiday loss. I mean that’s very clearly the common sense option.

Reading between the lines I see ‘I’m not willing to take my kids alone on holiday for a couple of days before my wife can join us because I’m either unwilling or unable to manage them and my wife would usually do the lions share of shitty holiday practical parenting whilst I enjoyed myself’

This would also explain the wife’s lack of sympathy to the situation ‘snap out of it or go ahead’ I hope I’m wrong but I’m not sure I am from what OP has posted so far.

Bingo- dressed as not wanting to leave her alone because things have been tough.

Sierra26 · 02/04/2023 09:33

you say DP is telling you to snap out of being miserable - that’s a strange reaction, as it would be strange if you didn’t feel that way. why isn’t she also feeling miserable and disappointed? Could it be she didn’t want to go anyway?

Poppyblush · 02/04/2023 09:34

I don’t think they have travel insurance from an earlier comment he made.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 09:34

Thehonestbadger · 02/04/2023 09:29

Hmm

My spidey senses are tingling on this one.
‘Big family holiday’ suggests kids are involved. OP doesn’t refer to age of kids but I have a feeling they aren’t self sufficient teenagers.
It’s common sense that the well parent would fly out with the kids and the unwell one would follow days later to mitigate cost and holiday loss. I mean that’s very clearly the common sense option.

Reading between the lines I see ‘I’m not willing to take my kids alone on holiday for a couple of days before my wife can join us because I’m either unwilling or unable to manage them and my wife would usually do the lions share of shitty holiday practical parenting whilst I enjoyed myself’

This would also explain the wife’s lack of sympathy to the situation ‘snap out of it or go ahead’ I hope I’m wrong but I’m not sure I am from what OP has posted so far.

You mean your internal sexist bias is tingling….

Original poster

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 09:34

Thehonestbadger · 02/04/2023 09:29

Hmm

My spidey senses are tingling on this one.
‘Big family holiday’ suggests kids are involved. OP doesn’t refer to age of kids but I have a feeling they aren’t self sufficient teenagers.
It’s common sense that the well parent would fly out with the kids and the unwell one would follow days later to mitigate cost and holiday loss. I mean that’s very clearly the common sense option.

Reading between the lines I see ‘I’m not willing to take my kids alone on holiday for a couple of days before my wife can join us because I’m either unwilling or unable to manage them and my wife would usually do the lions share of shitty holiday practical parenting whilst I enjoyed myself’

This would also explain the wife’s lack of sympathy to the situation ‘snap out of it or go ahead’ I hope I’m wrong but I’m not sure I am from what OP has posted so far.

The ‘kids’ are teenagers. I reckon even I could cope for a few days looking after them!!
I desperately want to go - as do the children. But not leaving my wife out of our exciting plans
All I really wanted to do was to vent and to be told I was allowed to be a little miserable about it

OP posts:

WandaWonder · 02/04/2023 09:35

I am sure if it was reversed everyone would say the husband can go on the holiday and you can stay home

Sure try and work around it

Original poster

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 09:35

We have insurance. I’m just checking it now because I had assumed that ‘just a migraine’ wouldn’t be covered. There’s definitely some expenses with the holiday that won’t be

OP posts:

FluffySlippers23 · 02/04/2023 09:35

A family holiday.... who else are you going with that you're responsible for? Your children?

I've read your update and see you are a man and your DP is a women.

Sorry but I can't help but think you don't want to go and take the kids on your own?

Let's be honest, if the dad was in bed with a migraine, most mums would be on that plane with the kids, going on holiday solo until the dad joined.

OP do you actually want to go on holiday without your DP?

burnoutbabe · 02/04/2023 09:37

Happydays321 · 02/04/2023 09:18

You should be covered by travel insurance.
Your wife needs to see a private gp today to get a letter to say she is unfit to travel, the insurance should cover the whole family. It's not a problem we've done it via a video call at the weekend and reclaimed the cost for the whole family.

But would you be if you get these migraines regularly and haven't declared them?

Assuming 2 adults and travel insurance won't allow you to reschedule, 1 goes and other follows a few days later. Assuming cost of 1 extra flight is affordable of course.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 09:37

Sierra26 · 02/04/2023 09:33

you say DP is telling you to snap out of being miserable - that’s a strange reaction, as it would be strange if you didn’t feel that way. why isn’t she also feeling miserable and disappointed? Could it be she didn’t want to go anyway?

As a migraine sufferer, I have been miserable and upset many times when a migraine happens with really really bad timing. Because you are in pain and you are letting everyone down and missing out terribly. When others get upset, it feels like they are blaming you for something you cannot help and don’t want yourself. All you want is to be comforted when you are in the midst of a migraine.

Maryandherlamb · 02/04/2023 09:38

You can buy sumatriptan over the counter for migraine so I'd try that before writing off the holiday. If he has them so frequently he probably ought to have some in the house just in case.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 09:39

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 09:35

We have insurance. I’m just checking it now because I had assumed that ‘just a migraine’ wouldn’t be covered. There’s definitely some expenses with the holiday that won’t be

It should be so long as it was disclosed as it is a recognised disability. It was the time I had to follow later to Greece. And another time when we had to cancel our 25th Anniversary trip entirely…now hoping to be ok for 30th anniversary.

Rainraingoaway21 · 02/04/2023 09:39

How horrible.for your teens, missing out on a much looked forward to holiday because youre not both trying to find a way round it. You seem to have just accepted you can't go?! Migraine or not, your kids are gonna really resent you both.

If this holiday was a celebration.of something, even more reason to make it work. If mum can follow when she feels well? Surely that's better than cancelling completely and everyone's miserable. Crazy to not try and find a way.

WandaWonder · 02/04/2023 09:39

WandaWonder · 02/04/2023 09:35

I am sure if it was reversed everyone would say the husband can go on the holiday and you can stay home

Sure try and work around it

I read the op again and no mention of who is male or female but the most I read said he can go

So no idea who is male or female or same sex relationship

Raindropsonuebells · 02/04/2023 09:40

OP as a younger woman I got the kind of migraine your wife is having - it is very possible to fly with one - I’ve done it with under 5s in tow and dealt with it a few times because I had to . I think the stress of travelling used to tip me over the edge . It does mean though that you need to do everything you can to help her .. so that she literally just needs to stand there .. if you have teenagers they can help look after her too . She can sleep on the flight and likely will feel a bit better by the time you land