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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little miserable

449 replies

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:27

We are supposed to be flying out this afternoon on a big family holiday. First big holiday since our plans were cancelled in April 2020 - and with us both working in the NHS we could do with the break

Unfortunately DP has started with a migraine this morning. Happens once every few months. Severe headache, paracetamol and ibuprofen not touching it. Doesn’t look like we can fly today - and no flights tomorrow

Obviously we are all a bit pissed off about this - but DP has just told me off for being miserable and said I need to snap out of this. Given this is a much wanted holiday - and we’ll probably not be covered by insurance for this - am I allowed to wallow in a little misery?

OP posts:
browneyes77 · 03/04/2023 20:20

I’m a migraine sufferer

I take Sumitriptan for them because the general headache medications don’t touch them.

If he gets these regularly and they’re so debilitating he can’t travel then he should really see his GP about other medication. Which is usually something like Propanalol as a preventative measure or a Triptan to deal with the migraine as it starts.

Ifinkyourefreaky · 03/04/2023 20:20

Definitely this!...Also he should be the one suggesting it so you don't miss out.

browneyes77 · 03/04/2023 20:24

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:40

DP is currently lying in a darkened room and feeling very sick every time they sit up. Can’t see how they can manage a long haul flight today. Everything is booked up for Easter
Already on beta-blockers which have reduced the frequency markedly and think we have missed the window for triptans

Can he get any cocodemol? Or has he tried this at all?

These used to help my migraines far more than standard ibruprofen etc (not as much as Triptans, but they did help to relieve it a little more than the bog standard pain killers).

Passthechocolatesplease · 03/04/2023 20:26

It’s the OP’s wife who has a migraine, he wrote the post!

So pleased it worked out for you OP enjoy your family holiday.

nannykatherine · 03/04/2023 20:28

Why didnt you go without him ??????

museumum · 03/04/2023 20:30

So pleased you managed to go. I get horrendous migraines but don’t throw up. I think my dh could get me through an airport. Just about, if he literally guided me around or even got a wheelchair. I can’t speak when I have one (at least bot making any sense) though and even total strangers can tell I’m not right. I’d probably be pulled aside and suspected of being massively under the influence of illegal drugs.

Peppadog · 03/04/2023 20:34

So glad you got it sorted. I get migraines so badly I wouldn't be able to fly. I can't move without vomitting and it is torture. Lots of people on here clearly don't understand them. Enjoy your holiday.

Tulipvase · 03/04/2023 20:53

Peppadog · 03/04/2023 20:34

So glad you got it sorted. I get migraines so badly I wouldn't be able to fly. I can't move without vomitting and it is torture. Lots of people on here clearly don't understand them. Enjoy your holiday.

Completely agree.

My mum used to have terrible migraines and often the only thing that helped was a shot of pethidine from the GP. That was a long time ago and in more recent years she had something called immigran (sp) which she would inject herself with.

It was truly debilitating and also frustratingly would often happen at the most in opportune moments.

areyousittingontheremote · 03/04/2023 20:54

As someone who has suffered actual migraines, it's not possible to tell someone off when one's happening.

Chevybaby · 03/04/2023 21:14

Lot of ignorance of how migraines can affect people. They can be truly debilitating, it’s not a case of manning up or toughing it out. I’ve had migraines where I vomit constantly, have mind bending headaches and am unable to open my eyes or stand up straight for 3 days. That being said I wouldn’t stop everyone going on holiday. I’d probably prefer to have the house to myself feeling like that!

if your DH gets them this bad so regularly there’s loads of stuff he can take more suitable than painkillers. I had ten years migraine free and the amount of developments in treatment in that time is unbelievable! Sumatriptan comes in nasal spray form now which works great for me and I’ve heard the next step up is an epi pen style of injection which is supposed to work really quickly. I’ve also heard of people getting Botox as treatment! Double bonus is you get a Lovelu smooth forehead for free.

YaNBU to be miserable about this because it sucks but if he’s got a migraine maybe don’t be too vocally miserable directly to him. Have a moanbehind his back. He’s already in pain, he doesn’t need to feel guilty and even sadder too. (Also totally go and he can catch you up. )

Monsun · 03/04/2023 21:18

Severe headache, paracetamol and ibuprofen not touching it.

Yeah, no they won't do anything. At the very least, get some Migraleve in! It's strong enough for standard migraines.

this one started atypically so she thought it was just a headache at first.

Aye. Easy mistake to make, be aware they can become more atypical as you age. For decades, mine always started with underwater/TV static vision & inability to read but recently, they've been presenting with later symptoms first, like speech impediment or loss of feeling down one side (then an hour or so later, the TV vision/lightning will decide to turn up and do its thing).

Anyway, I hope she's starting to feel ok now and the postdrome hangover doesn't linger too long.

MrsMrsD · 03/04/2023 21:20

I suffer from migraine. I've also still flown with one. It's not pleasant but totally doable. If he's well enough to moan at you for being upset then in my opinion he's well enough to fly. Failing that go without him, you need a break.

nomoremerlot · 03/04/2023 21:21

areyousittingontheremote · 03/04/2023 20:54

As someone who has suffered actual migraines, it's not possible to tell someone off when one's happening.

I'm lucky enough to have never ever had a migraine......

But when DH has one, I feel like I feel his pain.

It's awful for him.

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 03/04/2023 21:46

Exactly! Well put!

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 03/04/2023 22:00

FloydPepper · 03/04/2023 19:00

Brilliant thread

when it was assumed it was a man with the migraine he was faking it. When it was known to be a woman then the OPs reluctance to go was because he didn’t want to manage his kids!

Exactly this! The misandry is shocking (and the fact that so many pp seem to be unable to read or understand the updates)

Tryphenia · 03/04/2023 22:15

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 03/04/2023 22:00

Exactly this! The misandry is shocking (and the fact that so many pp seem to be unable to read or understand the updates)

Show quote history

Yes, the misandry that substantially disfigures human society, causes the pay gap, a woeful rape conviction rate, and creates a need for women’s refuges. Shocking indeed.

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 03/04/2023 22:27

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 03/04/2023 22:00

Exactly this! The misandry is shocking (and the fact that so many pp seem to be unable to read or understand the updates)

Show quote history

No, loads of posters grasped it was a woman with the migraine and accused her of being selfish, manipulative, faking to get out of the holiday and being a drama queen. Funny how the posters absolutely desperate to call out misandry just totally ignore all the vitriol directed at women, isn't it!

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 03/04/2023 22:32

FloydPepper · 03/04/2023 19:05

Op is a man. Ill partner is a woman. Still think she’s a miserable git?

Show quote history

Read the thread, plenty of posts laying into the wife too.

emptythelitterbox · 03/04/2023 23:36

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 03/04/2023 22:00

Exactly this! The misandry is shocking (and the fact that so many pp seem to be unable to read or understand the updates)

Show quote history

Misandry doesn't exist.

T1Dmama · 04/04/2023 00:12

I’d imagine if he goes to doctors he’ll be covered by insurance. The rest of the party will be expected to go ahead without him

T1Dmama · 04/04/2023 00:30

T1Dmama · 04/04/2023 00:12

I’d imagine if he goes to doctors he’ll be covered by insurance. The rest of the party will be expected to go ahead without him

Sorry read updates. Glad you made it

angelfacecuti75 · 04/04/2023 01:53

Lizzt2007 · 02/04/2023 09:32

Or wife's a bit of a drama queen and thinks world should revolve around her, would therefore make ops life a living hell if he didn't stay with her.

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Possiblities :1. Wife is overburdened with kid rearing /the mental load and is overwhelmed st the thought of taking tiny humans into unnatural /inconvenient enviroment and is only human , and therefore sees holiday as far more work than staying at home, the only way she will get a break is you taking them on holiday/its easier for them to stay home/less hard work.

  1. She is stressed out , burned out , and tired /depressed from child rearing and working /has caught something from work /is just stressed as a mum ^ cos kid rearing is hard...and a holiday seems the last thing she wants to do?
  2. She did not really want to go in first place . She has mentally checked out of the relationship.
  3. A combination of 1/all of/some of the above...
emptythelitterbox · 04/04/2023 03:11

angelfacecuti75 · 04/04/2023 01:53

Possiblities :1. Wife is overburdened with kid rearing /the mental load and is overwhelmed st the thought of taking tiny humans into unnatural /inconvenient enviroment and is only human , and therefore sees holiday as far more work than staying at home, the only way she will get a break is you taking them on holiday/its easier for them to stay home/less hard work.

  1. She is stressed out , burned out , and tired /depressed from child rearing and working /has caught something from work /is just stressed as a mum ^ cos kid rearing is hard...and a holiday seems the last thing she wants to do?
  2. She did not really want to go in first place . She has mentally checked out of the relationship.
  3. A combination of 1/all of/some of the above...
Show quote history

There were a couple of hints here. The kids are teens.

"Things started to ease so rather than get the train we drove to the airport - paid a fortune for the on-site car park and fast track - and made it!! Goodness knows what we’ve forgotten….."

  1. Moaning he had to pay more
  2. I gather she was supposed to pack for everyone and I reckon everyone had to pack for themselves this time. Oh the horror!
mycoffeecup · 04/04/2023 03:20

For the future, as long as you declare migraine when you take out the policy and they agree to cover it, you'd have been covered.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 04/04/2023 04:26

Mary54 · 03/04/2023 18:39

If this has already been said, I apologize…..

Some people seem to think any sort of bad headache is a migraine. My DM suffered with migraines for many years so I know from experience just how awful they can be.
There is no way someone with a migraine could travel to an airport, let alone be fit to fly. Nor could they be left alone to recover and reschedule.
Think unable to sit up due to the pain, forget standing or walking. Unable to tolerate any light or sound. Vomiting continuously-in her case usually for 2 or 3 days.

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I have diagnosed classic migraine with aura and occasional hemiplegic migraines. I have the full gamut of extreme pain and neurological symptoms. I absolutely could and would get on that plane. Unless I was at the point where I needed urgent hospital intervention I'd get through it.