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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little miserable

449 replies

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:27

We are supposed to be flying out this afternoon on a big family holiday. First big holiday since our plans were cancelled in April 2020 - and with us both working in the NHS we could do with the break

Unfortunately DP has started with a migraine this morning. Happens once every few months. Severe headache, paracetamol and ibuprofen not touching it. Doesn’t look like we can fly today - and no flights tomorrow

Obviously we are all a bit pissed off about this - but DP has just told me off for being miserable and said I need to snap out of this. Given this is a much wanted holiday - and we’ll probably not be covered by insurance for this - am I allowed to wallow in a little misery?

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 02/04/2023 08:49

I tjinky the most sensible answer is that you and family go, and he follows when he is able. I don’t suffer from migraines but have a friend who does and the thought of getting her to an airport and on to a long haul flight is nothing short of cruelty.
rearranging one flight must be easier than rebooking all of you and as it’s long haul I presume you are going for a couple of weeks?

Cosycover · 02/04/2023 08:50

I would 100% go

Longtimeloiterer · 02/04/2023 08:50

Testina · 02/04/2023 08:46

@Longtimeloiterer “If he hasn't then he should since it's his fault you're missing your holiday .”

Not it isn’t. It’s OP’s. She can go, she’s choosing not to.

I'm working on the assumption that he's going to create a fuss if he's left at home on his own. Anyway how do you know she can manage on her own.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 02/04/2023 08:50

LakieLady · 02/04/2023 08:44

I think some people might not realise how incapacitating migraines can be.

When I got them, I used to vomit so much, so frequently, that I twice ended up very dehydrated and admitted to hospital so I could be put on a drip for rehydration. I'm sure no-one would want to be near a passenger vomiting and dry heaving for the duration of a long haul flight (and I wouldn't be surprised if they refused to let me on in that state anyway).

They also affected my vision badly in one eye, so navigating my way round an airport would have been incredibly difficult.

Go on ahead, OP, let him follow when he can.

Same, I lose the ability to read, stringing a sentence is tough, pain and nausea are bad but the cognitive symptoms worse. I'd be getting on that plane.

Notthecarwashagain · 02/04/2023 08:51

I don’t know if you’re intentionally not saying whether your DP is male or female, or if they are gender neutral, but the advice would be the same either way- go without them.
There is no point losing all that money.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 08:52

FurElise · 02/04/2023 08:46

I suffer from chronic migraine. Your DP needs to man up. I've travelled/flown several times with a migraine. Is it fun? No. But I'd never make my family miss their holiday because of my migraines.

I'm allergic to tryptans but take codeine and anti sickness meds to enable me to at least vaguely function (no driving though).

Not everyone with migraine can function to that level though. I know I can’t. I can’t walk, sit up, talk, open my eyes, etc.

Chattycathydoll · 02/04/2023 08:53

I get migraines like this, if you miss the preventative window you’re just stuck with it and doing anything other than lying down in a dark room causes me to be violently sick. If he’s already feeling nauseous chances are he’s the same and you can’t go through and airport constantly vomiting.

but no way does that mean your partner misses out on a much needed holiday, that’s ridiculous!

Gymmum82 · 02/04/2023 08:54

I can’t imagine missing a family holiday because my OH was ill. I’d go without him. But unless he’s hospitalised he should be getting on that plane. He’ll likely be better within 24 hours. Time to crack on for the sake of the family like the majority of us would in this situation.
And yes I’ve flown in severe pain barely able to function. Sweating and almost in tears. I did it because I knew I’d be better within a few days and I wouldn’t let my family down

MumUndone · 02/04/2023 08:54

I got on a plane from South Africa to Australia with severe food poisoning. I had to, in order for my 'round the world' ticket to remain valid. Worst experience of my life. But needs must.

Toddlerteaplease · 02/04/2023 08:55

februarysunset · 02/04/2023 08:39

I was about to say sumatriptan. It is the only thing that can actually fix a migraine and you can now get it over the counter.

I was going to say the same thing.

Original poster
NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:55

I was trying to be deliberately vague by not specifying partner incase anyone I know is on here. I’m male and my partner is female

By big holiday I meant expensive and fancy. It’s been a rough few years and things are looking up (in many ways) so this was a bit of a celebration. So doesn’t really feel right going alone

Sorry if this is a drip feed - was just trying to stay anonymous

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 02/04/2023 08:55

Obviously you go without them

AHugeTinyMistake · 02/04/2023 08:56

I would go without them if there's no option to rebook flights. DP should have been organised enough to get a stock of whatever drugs they need to help with migraine, not wing it with paracetamol.

I get migraines, my last one I vomited for 8 hours so I do have sympathy but if travel insurance is not going to pay out (although have you checked?) then I would be getting on that flight.

Get yourself organised, go to the pharmacy and buy whatever drugs you can to help DP and see where they are by the time you need to go. Hopefully they can manage with sunglasses and ear plugs in the airport (I get really over sensitive to noise)

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 08:56

Chattycathydoll · 02/04/2023 08:53

I get migraines like this, if you miss the preventative window you’re just stuck with it and doing anything other than lying down in a dark room causes me to be violently sick. If he’s already feeling nauseous chances are he’s the same and you can’t go through and airport constantly vomiting.

but no way does that mean your partner misses out on a much needed holiday, that’s ridiculous!

Exactly, and the airline isn’t going to let an obviously sick passenger on board. They’re not going to take your word it’s “just a migraine” as it could be life threatening and then they’re responsible for the unwell person dying on board or it could be an infectious disease and they are required to preserve the safety of everyone on board. Read your flight terms and conditions- they all say that any obviously unwell or intoxicated passengers will not be allowed to board the flight.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 02/04/2023 08:56

Just go without him?

Forgooodnesssakenow · 02/04/2023 08:57

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:55

I was trying to be deliberately vague by not specifying partner incase anyone I know is on here. I’m male and my partner is female

By big holiday I meant expensive and fancy. It’s been a rough few years and things are looking up (in many ways) so this was a bit of a celebration. So doesn’t really feel right going alone

Sorry if this is a drip feed - was just trying to stay anonymous

Just go, she either needs to be in hospital or can travel.

Coffeeandchocs · 02/04/2023 08:57

OP you’ve replied a number of times now but have ignored the sea of replies asking why you can’t just go without your partner

Rosula · 02/04/2023 08:58

If he's well enough to tell you off he's well enough to travel.

Chattycathydoll · 02/04/2023 08:58

Toddlerteaplease · 02/04/2023 08:55

I was going to say the same thing.

Show quote history

I wish it fixed everyone’s migraines ;-;
I can’t take them, it causes excruciating facial and neck pain & feeling heavy so you can’t sit up or lift your head. One of the side effects that mean you have to stop with them. All I’ve found that works is a good anti emetic so if I have to function I’ll be in pain but not vomiting

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 02/04/2023 08:59

I would be trying everything - triptans even if you might have missed the window, cold compress for her head, sugary coke, eye mask for the flight, you handle everything in the airport including asking if a wheelchair or special assistance is available. The thing with a migraine is that you know it will end and she can recover in the postdrome phase relaxing by the pool. Travelling will be unpleasant, but worth trying all the options to get her there.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 08:59

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:55

I was trying to be deliberately vague by not specifying partner incase anyone I know is on here. I’m male and my partner is female

By big holiday I meant expensive and fancy. It’s been a rough few years and things are looking up (in many ways) so this was a bit of a celebration. So doesn’t really feel right going alone

Sorry if this is a drip feed - was just trying to stay anonymous

But you wouldn’t be going without them? You’re going on ahead like a scouting party and will be able to pick them up at the airport when they join you in a few days? Don’t cancel the whole holiday!

But you do need to get on the phone to the travel agent and travel insurance people right away. You will need your GP to sign a note as well affirming your partner is too unwell to travel due to a known medical condition acting up.

Rosula · 02/04/2023 08:59

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:55

I was trying to be deliberately vague by not specifying partner incase anyone I know is on here. I’m male and my partner is female

By big holiday I meant expensive and fancy. It’s been a rough few years and things are looking up (in many ways) so this was a bit of a celebration. So doesn’t really feel right going alone

Sorry if this is a drip feed - was just trying to stay anonymous

You can still make it a celebration if she follows a couple of days later. It seems ridiculous to lose a lot of money, to say nothing of time on the holiday, only for that reason.

CountZacular · 02/04/2023 09:00

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:55

I was trying to be deliberately vague by not specifying partner incase anyone I know is on here. I’m male and my partner is female

By big holiday I meant expensive and fancy. It’s been a rough few years and things are looking up (in many ways) so this was a bit of a celebration. So doesn’t really feel right going alone

Sorry if this is a drip feed - was just trying to stay anonymous

I don’t think that changes anything. You still go. The plane is a chance to read/ watch movies. You can meet her at the airport at the other end.

Ultimately it’s your children who are losing out here.

Aprilx · 02/04/2023 09:00

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:55

I was trying to be deliberately vague by not specifying partner incase anyone I know is on here. I’m male and my partner is female

By big holiday I meant expensive and fancy. It’s been a rough few years and things are looking up (in many ways) so this was a bit of a celebration. So doesn’t really feel right going alone

Sorry if this is a drip feed - was just trying to stay anonymous

The answers are the same whether you are male or female. You go ahead. Partner follows when migraine has gone.

Changingplace · 02/04/2023 09:00

This is ridiculous, go and get some stronger medication from the chemist right now rather than buggering about on MN, what time do you need to be at the airport?

If your flight is this afternoon there’s time to get your partner sorted and get on a flight, you can’t both miss an expensive long haul holiday because of a migraine (and I get migraines!!)