AIBU to be a little miserable

[NotEspeciallyHappyValley]

We are supposed to be flying out this afternoon on a big family holiday. First big holiday since our plans were cancelled in April 2020 - and with us both working in the NHS we could do with the break

Unfortunately DP has started with a migraine this morning. Happens once every few months. Severe headache, paracetamol and ibuprofen not touching it. Doesn’t look like we can fly today - and no flights tomorrow

Obviously we are all a bit pissed off about this - but DP has just told me off for being miserable and said I need to snap out of this. Given this is a much wanted holiday - and we’ll probably not be covered by insurance for this - am I allowed to wallow in a little misery?

I’m a mum and I wouldn’t, I’d check the insurance and hope it was covered, would look after my partner until they were better then crack on with the holiday as a family.

just go, for goodness sake! Your partner joins you later

Have you tried asking her if she would be okay for you to go without her?

Just go, she can join you in a few days.

Be miserable once you've explored every possibility and got nowhere: til then you do need to snap out of it a bit (sorry!) to figure out the practicalities of making it happen. I had a very long planned, important holiday cancelled at the last minute and I went into action mode to salvage the best outcome I could - which ended up working out well, if not quite as perfect as the one I imagined and looked forward to for so long. You can't really wallow in it until you've done everything to sort the situation you're in - accept it's not going to be what you thought but make something happen whether it's rebooking for later, staggering arrivals or finding a way for you all to travel today.

I get horrific migraines but I'm telling you this, if we were going that day to an expensive, luxury long awaited vacation I'd get myself as doped up as possible and I'd absolutely deal with it or if I physically couldn't my husband and kids would be sent without me and id join them as soon as I could. She sounds like a selfish bitch.

Perhaps your partner could manage to still travel by taking nausea tablets alongside painkillers, wearing sunglasses and having wheelchair assistance at the airport

Obviously you go ahead and she joins you later. If you don't then you are playing the martyr. I wouldn't have much sympathy for your misery either.

I totally get your disappointment but you need to still go!! Get that flight and let him follow.

Sorry, let her follow.

@NotEspeciallyHappyValley

In that case apologies.
In fairness my opinion was not formed by your admission to being the male in your relationship as I don’t inherently believe men are worse parents at all.
It just did appear that way when you wouldn’t answer all the direct questions about why you wouldn’t fly ahead, despite that being an obvious solution, and had mentioned it being a ‘family’ holiday but not made any reference to the age of kids.

I am female and have two toddlers. I personally wouldn’t want to fly alone with them without my husband but I would have been upfront about that in any post I put up. It was very much your vagueness and avoidance of answering certain questions which made me assume you didn’t want to fly alone with kids.

that's good to know- re sumatriptan. is that a new thing, it being available otc?

You need to go with the kids. She can get another flight maybe not tomorrow but she will get there.

re sumatriptan. is that a new thing, it being available otc?

It has been available over the counter for ages. And surely if your partner gets migraines regularly, they'd have seen a doctor and got a script for sumatriptan anyway.

It's sitting on a plane, shes not having to fly the plane, she can sleep the entire journey a syour kids are teens. I Loved our long haul flights to Australia after our wedding, 36 hours of sleep with someone else regularly bringing me food and constant movies to watch when briefly awake. With 2 small kids I dream of such luxury these days.

And my migraines are awful, really bad, fully medicated, 30% of the time respond to sumatriptan 70% just have to be endured. I'd be on that flight

Even if you think you have missed the window it is surely worth trying an over the counter medication? I keep Migraleve pink and yellow tablets at work and in my handbag all the time for my very occasional migraines because I know paracetamol and ibuprofen won’t cut it.

It seems wrong for the whole family to miss out, even if flights aren’t very often she can catch you up in a few days. Would insurance even pay out for this?

What times your flight?
Get to the pharmacy or 111 and get the strong meds some have suggested and anti sickness tablets,
If it was me I would be at the airport with a sick bag.

I was asking for myself rather than OP. Yes, anyone who regularly suffers from migraine should have seen GP and got S on repeat prescription. Is good to know this is an option in an emergency, I had no idea!

Even if it’s a celebration I’d go without her, your children are teens so will understand. She can book the next flight in a few days and join you (hopefully insurance will cover it). But I doubt the insurance will cover you all and it might be easier to find a flight for one person than all of you.

Any reason why you’ve not answered the many people who have asked why you’ve not been to get any kind of medication (even if you think it could be too late for some, at least try)or what time you actually need to be at the airport?

In the hour you’ve spend on MN you could’ve done something practical about this.

If this was my partner I wouldn’t be miserable I’d be livid - but I’d also be trying to do something about it!

I couldn't disappoint my children and lose all that money just to avoid hurting my partner's feelings.

Yep, me too

Migraines with aura are debilitating. I believe they are classed as a disability and people who have disabilities have to find ways to cope. I carry migraine medication everywhere and have back up plans in case a bad one hits.

In this situation I would not be able to drive, read departure boards at airport and I would have to walk very slowly at airport or use a wheelchair. I would not enjoy a mooch round duty free. The teenagers might have to help with bags etc.

I would be wearing sunglasses, loaded up on anti sickness medication and as soon as the plane took off I'd also take codeine which sends me to sleep. I'd sleep through the rest of it.

For the first couple of days on holiday I might need extra rest and not be able to join in with things, but I'd bloody well get on that plane.

Please take the kids and go OP. Doesn't matter if you are male or female. Just go and have fun and your partner joins you when they can. Dont let the kids miss out.
Do you think your wife is pretending so she has an excuse not to go? If she is ill with a migraine then I doubt she'll be able to fly. Migraines are awful.Its a shame she doesn't have a stronger medication. If I was getting migraines frequently Id have my medication sorted and taken it in time for the flight.

Feeling queasy doesn’t mean an entire family holiday needs to be cancelled, does your partner not actually want to go on this holiday or something?