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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little miserable

449 replies

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:27

We are supposed to be flying out this afternoon on a big family holiday. First big holiday since our plans were cancelled in April 2020 - and with us both working in the NHS we could do with the break

Unfortunately DP has started with a migraine this morning. Happens once every few months. Severe headache, paracetamol and ibuprofen not touching it. Doesn’t look like we can fly today - and no flights tomorrow

Obviously we are all a bit pissed off about this - but DP has just told me off for being miserable and said I need to snap out of this. Given this is a much wanted holiday - and we’ll probably not be covered by insurance for this - am I allowed to wallow in a little misery?

OP posts:
Original poster
NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:40

DP is currently lying in a darkened room and feeling very sick every time they sit up. Can’t see how they can manage a long haul flight today. Everything is booked up for Easter
Already on beta-blockers which have reduced the frequency markedly and think we have missed the window for triptans

OP posts:
Bumblefuzz · 02/04/2023 08:40

Find a pharmacy and purchase syndol. Otherwise 111 and they will probably prescribe something from the Triptan family. I

macncheeeesey · 02/04/2023 08:40

Go now to get that over the counter thing Pp have mentioned! Don't not go 100000%! For a bloody migraine!! Agreed he should have something stronger if he has these often. Would be so silly to miss out over it! He needs to suck it up - but get that medicine for him now! Enjoy your holiday!!

SweetSakura · 02/04/2023 08:41

Can't the rest of you fly on ahead?

SweetSakura · 02/04/2023 08:42

It will be easier to find a new flight for just one person surely?

SweetSakura · 02/04/2023 08:42

It will be easier to find a new flight for just one person surely?

Coffeeandchocs · 02/04/2023 08:42

Testina · 02/04/2023 08:38

Why does someone whose 4x a year migraines are so bad he’d fuck up an entire family holiday, only have paracetamol and ibuprofen in? Dick move. Back story?

I feel a drip feed coming.

Surely getting such bad migraines every few months you’d have to have sought medical advice, even if not wanting to, because presumably that would have meant a significant number of sick days from work. I don’t know an employer that would accept an infinite number of days off for migraines without you actively seeking treatment.

Matchingcollarandcuffs · 02/04/2023 08:42

You can also buy stemetil over the counter for the nausea, or failing that phenergen which can make you feel drowsy but will help.

I can't believe you're being so fatalistic about it, just bloody get him meds and go yourself and they'll either rally or follow

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 08:42

Why can’t you go without them? You haven’t explained. It’s sad that they feel they can’t make it but why are you all missing out? Snap back that you won’t be miserable, you’ll be on holiday.

Irritateandunreasonable · 02/04/2023 08:43

Good god. Please GO WITHOUT HIM!!!!

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 08:43

If anything it will surely help - a totally quiet house to recover in since everyone else is on holiday.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 08:43

Lots of posters apparently think a migraine is simply a bad headache and not understanding that you can’t snap out of them, or suck it up, or that staying home is same pain as going through airports and on a long haul flight.

Migraines are debilitating for as long as they last. And you have no choice as to when they happen.

Still, the travel insurance should cover his portion being rebooked for free.

LakieLady · 02/04/2023 08:44

I think some people might not realise how incapacitating migraines can be.

When I got them, I used to vomit so much, so frequently, that I twice ended up very dehydrated and admitted to hospital so I could be put on a drip for rehydration. I'm sure no-one would want to be near a passenger vomiting and dry heaving for the duration of a long haul flight (and I wouldn't be surprised if they refused to let me on in that state anyway).

They also affected my vision badly in one eye, so navigating my way round an airport would have been incredibly difficult.

Go on ahead, OP, let him follow when he can.

Ducksinthebath · 02/04/2023 08:44

Is there no way they can dose up then make the flight? It’s wasn’t pleasant but I’ve literally been manhandled through the airport and onto the flight by DH (at my agreement) and I was glad I did when I was feeling on top of the world by the first full day of the holiday. Not a pleasant experience but better than missing the full trip for the sake of a migraine.

Longtimeloiterer · 02/04/2023 08:45

Has he been diagnosed as having migraines so you can claim on your insurance.

If he hasn't then he should since it's his fault you're missing your holiday. And yes, you're entitled to be unhappy (and just a bit hacked off).

Forgooodnesssakenow · 02/04/2023 08:45

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:40

DP is currently lying in a darkened room and feeling very sick every time they sit up. Can’t see how they can manage a long haul flight today. Everything is booked up for Easter
Already on beta-blockers which have reduced the frequency markedly and think we have missed the window for triptans

I have migraines like this, unless he's unconscious and requiring hospitalisation he can get himself on the plane.

FurElise · 02/04/2023 08:46

I suffer from chronic migraine. Your DP needs to man up. I've travelled/flown several times with a migraine. Is it fun? No. But I'd never make my family miss their holiday because of my migraines.

I'm allergic to tryptans but take codeine and anti sickness meds to enable me to at least vaguely function (no driving though).

Testina · 02/04/2023 08:46

@Longtimeloiterer “If he hasn't then he should since it's his fault you're missing your holiday .”

Not it isn’t. It’s OP’s. She can go, she’s choosing not to.

CountZacular · 02/04/2023 08:47

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 08:43

Lots of posters apparently think a migraine is simply a bad headache and not understanding that you can’t snap out of them, or suck it up, or that staying home is same pain as going through airports and on a long haul flight.

Migraines are debilitating for as long as they last. And you have no choice as to when they happen.

Still, the travel insurance should cover his portion being rebooked for free.

Yes, they are debilitating. But there’s nothing OP or the children can do right now. So their choices are miss out on their holiday and feel miserable or go ahead and he catch up when he can.

I understand it’s daunting to go on holiday alone but I also feel there’s a sense of martyrdom from the OP here. And it’s wildly unfair the kids miss out completely now.

QueenBee1234 · 02/04/2023 08:47

I can't believe you are contemplating not going! Start sorting your stuff out working on the assumption you are going without them. I agree with a pp, once they see you are going regardless I have a feeling they might snap out of it.
If not you still get your much needed holiday.
Also worth thinking about, do they have a habit of spoiling things you look forward to? I bet if you actually think about it you have missed out on other things because of their 'issues'. If that is the case put your foot down now and don't miss anything else.

Ktime · 02/04/2023 08:47

If you’re sure it’s not covered by insurance then I would 100% go without him.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 08:48

Coffeeandchocs · 02/04/2023 08:42

I feel a drip feed coming.

Surely getting such bad migraines every few months you’d have to have sought medical advice, even if not wanting to, because presumably that would have meant a significant number of sick days from work. I don’t know an employer that would accept an infinite number of days off for migraines without you actively seeking treatment.

Show quote history

I get debilitating migraines that last 5-7hrs once a week and I’m on the best combination of medication available and under the care of a consultant neurologist. Without the medication, I was getting migraines 4 days a week, each one lasting 12-16hrs and was signed off work. As it is a recognised disability, my employer allows me flexible working. So when I get a migraine, I then make up any time lost during my work week due to it.

Four migraines a year would be amazing! And OP has said he’s already on medication for them so I would think that he’s already as well as he can get.

Testina · 02/04/2023 08:48

I think OP just wanted to complain about them though - and probably wasn’t expecting to be told they’re silly for not going. OP talks about a big family holiday - I hope that means with other family, not letting their own children down 🤷🏻‍♀️

Irritateandunreasonable · 02/04/2023 08:48

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 08:43

Lots of posters apparently think a migraine is simply a bad headache and not understanding that you can’t snap out of them, or suck it up, or that staying home is same pain as going through airports and on a long haul flight.

Migraines are debilitating for as long as they last. And you have no choice as to when they happen.

Still, the travel insurance should cover his portion being rebooked for free.

That’s fine but they can and should go without him.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 08:49

CountZacular · 02/04/2023 08:47

Yes, they are debilitating. But there’s nothing OP or the children can do right now. So their choices are miss out on their holiday and feel miserable or go ahead and he catch up when he can.

I understand it’s daunting to go on holiday alone but I also feel there’s a sense of martyrdom from the OP here. And it’s wildly unfair the kids miss out completely now.

Show quote history

I agree she should go on ahead. He should use the travel insurance to rebook on a later flight and join them in a few days.

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