AIBU to be a little miserable

[NotEspeciallyHappyValley]

We are supposed to be flying out this afternoon on a big family holiday. First big holiday since our plans were cancelled in April 2020 - and with us both working in the NHS we could do with the break

Unfortunately DP has started with a migraine this morning. Happens once every few months. Severe headache, paracetamol and ibuprofen not touching it. Doesn’t look like we can fly today - and no flights tomorrow

Obviously we are all a bit pissed off about this - but DP has just told me off for being miserable and said I need to snap out of this. Given this is a much wanted holiday - and we’ll probably not be covered by insurance for this - am I allowed to wallow in a little misery?

The wife has been called incredibly selfish and a drama queen in quite a few posts, so don't worry, vilification has still occurred.

This is exactly how it affects me, I feel so ill and am in so much pain I can’t function. When my children were younger my mum had to come round and take over. When I had a hysterectomy a few years ago I thought I may not get them anymore (I thought they might somehow be connected to gynae stuff) but unfortunately not, they’re still here. Saying man up or woman up, go to sleep on the plane etc cannot be advice from people who suffer badly from it. (Of course OP’s wife might be someone who doesn’t get it as bad as that, I don’t know).

Yeah, I get them for a few days usually. They're much more frequent now I'm in perimenopause.
I'd have to be hospitalized before I refused a holiday though, but I do realise that people deal with pain differently.

if i woke up with a migraine on the morning i was due to go in holiday that afternoon I def wouldn't make the flight due to vomiting every 20 minutes for 6-8 hrs usually with diarrhoea too. However I would be telling my family to go without me and hopefully following on a couple of days later.

I think there are two issues here - first of all, yes its definitely possible that OP's wife is so unwell that she cannot leave the house at all.

But secondly, if someone can be asked to keep an eye on her, then I would think the OP and his family can definitely go and I would assume that any mum would insist on her kids going. Wouldn't you?

I realise they've either left or missed the flight now, but just asking in principle, would you insist your DP took the kids?

I know someone who's husband started getting migraines on a holiday...and for several months after once they were back. They did a scan and found a brain tumour, they said it's left them with sad memories of that holiday as it's then when it started.

Migraines can be hell- pain like you can’t really imagine for a ‘headache’ nausea, difficulty with vision and sound sensitivity.. if someone started whinging at me in the middle of one k would also tell them to buzz off.. it’s not her fault this is happening and this is probably not the best time to be complaining at her given she is also missing out on her holiday!!!

Being a migraine sufferer, I know that one of the triggers is precisely a change in routine, like holidays.

Preventive medication usually works.

If he doesn't know that, next time he can sort it out.

I would go without him this time.

I get bad migraines. I'm very lucky that I don't actually vomit, but I get all the associated symptoms (brain fog, headache, jaw/teeth/nose pain, heavy head, intense neck and shoulder pain, word mixing, noise sensitivity, etc. Etc).

I take a combination of drugs including CGRP inhibitor injections. However, you've said that your DP doesn't have formal treatment so I would try:

Strong coffee with sugar (caffeine reduces inflammation)
900 mg dissolvable Aspirin (unless unsuitable - check contraindications) in 1 can full sugar, full caffeine, branded coke.
Paracetamol and codeine (can cause rebound headaches but you say that she only needs it 4 times per year).
Travel sickness pills.
Ice pack for forehead and heat pack for back of neck.
Ear plugs and sunglasses. Switch to eye mask once on plane.
Supporting neck pillow for flight/car journey.

She's going to feel crap wherever she is. It may as well be somewhere nice.

I get full blown, at times hemiplegic migraines, all the neurological symptoms and pain. I struggle to string a sentence and therefore struggle to work. Could I make it through an airport and a big sleep on a long haul flight? Abso fucking likely. Especially if the kids were self sufficient

This is so irritating - like teenagers who think they discovered sex and pop music. We all know what ‘real’ migraines are like thanks, I’ve been having them for 30 years.

Why you would go to a work meeting with migraine without a sick bag I’ve no idea.

Your migraines sound very similar to mine, despite this I have made a decision in the past to get on a flight because I might as well being sitting in on plane with my eye mask as lying in bed. I’m not going to feel any better in bed, the day will be shit whatever.

Snap.

If you were actually in the middle of a full blown migraine, retching , vomiting repeatedly and possibly with diarrhoea, looking ashen and shaky, it's highly likely you would not be allowed to board the plane anyway.

Yep, I pointed this out earlier, and frankly there is no way I could travel with a migraine. Good on those that can take long haul flights with migraines, work with migraines, drive with migraines, take a fucking Migraleve and be ok in 45mins (which is mostly paracetamol in a fancy wrapper) blah blah. Yes their migraines are real too, but they are out of order to deny the lived experiences of those who suffer worse from them and are trying to make out like it’s ridiculous to not be able to travel with one.

It’s not a question of suffering “worse”. It’s just a different attitude to a long haul flight.

I can’t work with a migraine, my typing goes wrong, I can’t talk properly, I can’t drive with one. Triptans don’t work for me, Migraleve can sometimes take the edge off, but mostly it does nothing and anyway I often vomit them up.

But to get a taxi to Heathrow get though departure and onto a flight - with a hammering head, photophobia, aura, palpitations, nausea & vomiting I have done that. And so have people with far more serious conditions than migraines.

I have also developed a migraine when I was already en route on a 3 day journey from Italy. Spent a night vomiting in a Calais hotel as the ferry was cancelled due to bad weather, then a ferry trip on a rough sea with terrible seasickness to boot. I can tell you a plane was better than that.

But - I have a long term chronic illness so I’m used to toughing out illness & it raises the bar on how bad things have to be cancel.

I suffer migraines so know how awful they can be. There’s no way I’d cancel a family holiday because of one, even if I wasn’t well enough to travel.

I’ve read about people in the US going to A and E for something called a ‘migraine cocktail’. Not sure if anything similar is available in the UK and if there’s a private GP or clinic that could administer it. Worth a try I think.

Otherwise I wouldn’t need anyone to stay back and look after me. All I can do is lie in a dark room and try and sleep it off.

Oh and no way I could do a long haul flight with a full blown migraine. Short flights are bad enough. For me it literally feels as though someone is trying to stab me in my eye socket,

Most have been balanced, apart from the many that are still assuming that partner with migraine is male and being selfish, even though we know it's wife who's ill !!!

Loads of posters have called the wife selfish, also a drama queen, just read the thread.

This is true too. I've seen passengers denied boarding for similar reasons as well as excessive crying, anxiety, etc.

I’d be fucking livid if someone boarded a flight with me while puking constantly - that’s not ok 🙄.

The OP never said she was puking, just she felt queasy when she sat up, nobody was actually being sick.

She wasn’t vomiting because she wasnt moving. She was lying down in a dark room. The wave of nausea at gingerly sitting up is a clear sign that movement will result in puking. You’d know this if you had similar migraines.

That is true, since I posted there has been an uptick of those sorts of posters. The one that sticks out was the one saying any male partner who did this would get a one way ticket out of their life as if migraines are a choice. 🙄

There are plenty of posts blaming the woman, accusing her of not wanting to go, being manipulative to stop the rest of the family going, being selfish, being dramatic and on and on. Don't worry, it's not just the imaginary man getting it in the neck, she is too.