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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little miserable

449 replies

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:27

We are supposed to be flying out this afternoon on a big family holiday. First big holiday since our plans were cancelled in April 2020 - and with us both working in the NHS we could do with the break

Unfortunately DP has started with a migraine this morning. Happens once every few months. Severe headache, paracetamol and ibuprofen not touching it. Doesn’t look like we can fly today - and no flights tomorrow

Obviously we are all a bit pissed off about this - but DP has just told me off for being miserable and said I need to snap out of this. Given this is a much wanted holiday - and we’ll probably not be covered by insurance for this - am I allowed to wallow in a little misery?

OP posts:
Aprilx · 02/04/2023 14:30

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 09:34

The ‘kids’ are teenagers. I reckon even I could cope for a few days looking after them!!
I desperately want to go - as do the children. But not leaving my wife out of our exciting plans
All I really wanted to do was to vent and to be told I was allowed to be a little miserable about it

Show quote history

You and your wife are unbelievably selfish and frankly a bit dumb to have abandoned holiday plans for a migraine and let your children down like that. As has been said by very many posters, all she needs to do is join you the next day or in a few days or whatever.

SwirlyShirly · 02/04/2023 14:38

What an infuriating thread. There's literally no reason why you can't go on without the partner. The poor kids have had an awful lot of shit to put up with over the past few years too, and now their holiday is ruined. You both need to grow up and get on with things.

Beachwalker66 · 02/04/2023 14:38

I suspect one or both of the adults involved really didn’t want to go on this holiday…

PinkSyCo · 02/04/2023 14:38

Never mind just for the holiday, I’d be taking the kids and booking a one way ticket out of my partner’s whole life if they told me I wasn’t allowed to display my feelings of disappointment in my own home. What an arsehole!

Mari9999 · 02/04/2023 14:39

Why not go ahead with the kids and have your wife join you later? Certainly, it should be easier to reschedule a flight for 1 person versus rescheduling for a group. Worse case scenario, you and the kids have an amazing trip, and your wife gets to rejuvenate in total peace and quiet with absolutely no request or demands being made on her. Actually , from my vantage point that might be an ideal outcome.

Coastalvenues · 02/04/2023 14:45

Bloody hell, mental, and I suffer with them and know how awful you can feel. How weird not to just go, poor kids.

SonicStars · 02/04/2023 14:56

I suffer from migranes. If I was due to get on a long haul flight with no other flights I would drag my vomiting, light sensitive self through the airport, knowing that I felt like death but when it's over I would be where I needed to be, not having wasted all my money. Sumatriptan even if it's too late, aspirin, eye mask, laying down with my eyes closed and jumper round my head at every opportunity. I would expect my partner to look after me bags and security etc explaining that my slurring wasn't because I was drunk, so I could concentrate on just getting through it.

MuthaHubbard · 02/04/2023 14:59

There is no way I'd miss a longed for holiday because of a migraine. Even if my DH had to prop me up until on the plane

DueyCheatemAndHow · 02/04/2023 15:28

'How was your amazing, desperately needed, much-longed for holiday'

'Oh we didn't go. DP had a migraine'.

Can you hear yourselves?!?

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 02/04/2023 15:28

Hopefully they're on the plane by now!

PollyAmour · 02/04/2023 15:33

Just go on holiday with the children and leave her to recover in her own time. Don't let one person ruin everyone else's fun. Get to the airport and tell her to follow on when and if she feels able to. I would never cancel a family holiday for a migraine.

cassiatwenty · 02/04/2023 15:34

YANBU, go ahead without him, he can catch up when in less pain

uncomfortablydumb53 · 02/04/2023 15:40

Was your DW looking forward to the holiday as much as you think
There's no way I'd expect my DH and DC miss out on a long awaited and much needed holiday even if I was so unwell
Can you try to get her meds to see if it helps just a bit?
Lots are available otc now
If you can possibly get her to the airport She could sleep on the plane?
Otherwise Just take the DC and go
They're old enough to choose what they want to do and will be so disappointed

Itsokay2020 · 02/04/2023 15:43

What have I just read, I hope you’re on that plane. A migraine is not a justifiable reason to cancel an entire holiday for four people!

menopausalbloat · 02/04/2023 15:46

I'm not sure why he can't still go?
I've suffered with migraine all my life and this has never stopped me from going on holiday.
He could sleep on the plane with a pair of earplugs and a facemask, surely?

Nocutenamesleft · 02/04/2023 15:56

I’ve had such debilitating migraines my entire life and if I had one no way would I be able to move. Let alone a long haul flight. Nada.

however I would of said go without me! You go!!! I’ll either catch up or miss out on this one sadly.

Nocutenamesleft · 02/04/2023 15:56

menopausalbloat · 02/04/2023 15:46

I'm not sure why he can't still go?
I've suffered with migraine all my life and this has never stopped me from going on holiday.
He could sleep on the plane with a pair of earplugs and a facemask, surely?

It’s a she…….

Glitterblue · 02/04/2023 15:58

LakieLady · 02/04/2023 08:44

I think some people might not realise how incapacitating migraines can be.

When I got them, I used to vomit so much, so frequently, that I twice ended up very dehydrated and admitted to hospital so I could be put on a drip for rehydration. I'm sure no-one would want to be near a passenger vomiting and dry heaving for the duration of a long haul flight (and I wouldn't be surprised if they refused to let me on in that state anyway).

They also affected my vision badly in one eye, so navigating my way round an airport would have been incredibly difficult.

Go on ahead, OP, let him follow when he can.

I was going to say exactly this. The people saying he should just “tough it out”, or “why can’t he fly?” clearly have no idea what real migraines are like. I have tried to “tough them out” in the past to make it through a day at work. The last one I remember doing that with ended up with me having to bolt out of a meeting, run down 2 flights of stairs to the toilet and didn’t quite make it before I vomited everywhere on my way into the bathroom. It wasn’t even my workplace, it was an external meeting. I also tried to make it through Christmas day at my parents’ with one, for the sake of everyone else, and ended up spending the day in my mum and dad’s bed because I just couldn’t be up.

I get them every few weeks and can’t do a thing when I have them now - they’re so bad I really can’t even attempt to do anything. I can barely lift my head off the pillow, I can’t talk properly - my speech gets slurred - I can’t walk in a straight line and I’m at risk of vomiting even if I just get up for the toilet. I’m on prescription medication and they’re still this bad. There is absolutely no way I could get to an airport and onto a plane.

Migraines are just so evil and ruin things all over the place and it’s horrible. I really really feel for you OP, it’s an awful situation. If you’re able to, I’d go today and let him follow when he can.

Rosula · 02/04/2023 16:07

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 09:34

The ‘kids’ are teenagers. I reckon even I could cope for a few days looking after them!!
I desperately want to go - as do the children. But not leaving my wife out of our exciting plans
All I really wanted to do was to vent and to be told I was allowed to be a little miserable about it

Show quote history

Why do you have to leave your wife out of it? Why can't she come a couple of days later?

BellePeppa · 02/04/2023 16:09

menopausalbloat · 02/04/2023 15:46

I'm not sure why he can't still go?
I've suffered with migraine all my life and this has never stopped me from going on holiday.
He could sleep on the plane with a pair of earplugs and a facemask, surely?

She may not be able to sleep, I struggle to sometimes when I have a migraine. She should let them go ahead of her though and she can meet up with them, I hope she’s not willing to cancel her families entire holiday because of it. I get very bad migraines which tend to last about two days, after that I’m absolutely fine and raring to go.

Rosula · 02/04/2023 16:09

Writing as a migraine sufferer, if I were in your wife's place it would make me feel considerably worse if I were stopping everyone from going on this holiday. I would be keen for you to go and to look for alternative flights so that I could follow on when possible.

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 02/04/2023 16:10

I wouldn't be able to do that to my family, unless I was at deaths door in hospital. You should be going with the kids, there's more to this than meets the eye surely? I'd be furious if my H cancelled everyone's holiday because EITHER of us had migraine, as I say unless we needed an ambulance or similar emergency.

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 02/04/2023 16:12

Sorry wasn't clear - I DO appreciate how ill you can be with migraine, so I'd be looking for someone to keep an eye out like a relative or a friend, but I still think the sufferer would be VERY keen for her family to go. We hear a lot about selfish dads on here and if it was reversed, the OP were female and it was the DH in bed with migraine, the male partner would be generally villified.

Rosula · 02/04/2023 16:13

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 09:35

We have insurance. I’m just checking it now because I had assumed that ‘just a migraine’ wouldn’t be covered. There’s definitely some expenses with the holiday that won’t be

Insurance might cover your wife. It won't cover the rest of you because the insurers will point out, entirely reasonably, that there is no reason why you can't go. It's not even as if you need to stay behind to look after your wife, she will be better within a day or two. And, from personal experience, all I want to do with a migraine is lie down till it's over; I would be very happy to have a quiet house because everyone's buggered off.

menopausalbloat · 02/04/2023 16:14

Yeah, I realised it was a she too late.