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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Message the doc that treated DD

156 replies

MisschiefMaker · 02/04/2023 00:21

Just found the doctors LinkedIn.

AIBU to message her to ask her why she lied to me to get me to agree to give my DD medication that has left her with lifelong damage, when there was nothing wrong with her. I can also include that i pray no other innocent babies are harmed by her every day.

Or should I message her family members instead.

Or just forget about it and move on? She thought she was doing the right thing, after all, and lots of doctors have god complexes.

OP posts:
Meandfour · 02/04/2023 00:22

Don’t do this. Don’t search for her online. No good can come of this. I’m sorry about your daughter but this won’t help.

Lysianthus · 02/04/2023 00:23

You need to write to PALS.
You know this.
I'm sorry this has happened.
Don't deal with this 'outside' the system, it will never end well.

iLovee · 02/04/2023 00:23

I'm sorry you're hurting❤️ I would leave it and try to move on or go through the proper complaints procedure if you think there has been a malpractice case

worktired · 02/04/2023 00:24

Don't message the doctor. It would be more effective to make an official complaint if you can do this.

I'm sorry about your daughter, how is she?

Redburnett · 02/04/2023 00:24

YABVU. Get legal advice if you believe there is a case to answer.

Kerfuffler · 02/04/2023 00:27

Lysianthus · 02/04/2023 00:23

You need to write to PALS.
You know this.
I'm sorry this has happened.
Don't deal with this 'outside' the system, it will never end well.

This.

Original poster
MisschiefMaker · 02/04/2023 00:27

I can't imagine any scenario in which the hospital takes any complaint seriously. The Doctor lied in the write up to say she had discussed the risks with me. Actually, I had initially declined treatment because of the risks and asked her about the risks - she had insisted there were none. Obviously, my DD paid the price when I backed down.

Oh and I did contact the hospital a few months after it happened they sent a generic response saying the relevant team would address my concerns but they never did.

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 02/04/2023 00:28

No, you can't do this it would be classed as stalking or harassment

Go down any official legal avenues available to you

Mycatisfatafatcat · 02/04/2023 00:28

Don’t do this. Sue them. Otherwise you’ll be accused of harassment

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 02/04/2023 00:29

If you are convinced you have a solid case to be answered contact a medical negligence solicitor

Original poster
MisschiefMaker · 02/04/2023 00:29

I just can't believe I only had my baby in my arms a couple of hours before I handed her over to someone who would harm her. How do I get past that?

OP posts:
DemonCopperhead · 02/04/2023 00:29
Confused
Kerfuffler · 02/04/2023 00:29

Chase up the hospital response, don't harrass the doctor.
I'm sorry this happened to your daughter.

Kerfuffler · 02/04/2023 00:33

Have you considered counselling to help move forward with this?

TomatoSandwiches · 02/04/2023 00:34

You will just look crazy and potentially ruin any legal recourse you may have oh and possibly a not so nice visit from the police.
Step away, get some therapy, then take appropriate action.

Newname221 · 02/04/2023 00:37

DemonCopperhead · 02/04/2023 00:29

Confused

I agree. My spider senses are tingling. I’ve just got a feeling this is going to turn into some sort of anti vax thing or similar. If my child had genuinely been the victim of medical negligence, I’d be contacting a lawyer, not mumsnet.

MegIsWhite · 02/04/2023 00:40

I agree you should consult a solicitor about this case. Don't give up, the hospital will be forced to do something then.

Meandfour · 02/04/2023 00:42

MisschiefMaker · 02/04/2023 00:27

I can't imagine any scenario in which the hospital takes any complaint seriously. The Doctor lied in the write up to say she had discussed the risks with me. Actually, I had initially declined treatment because of the risks and asked her about the risks - she had insisted there were none. Obviously, my DD paid the price when I backed down.

Oh and I did contact the hospital a few months after it happened they sent a generic response saying the relevant team would address my concerns but they never did.

So were risks discussed? Would the outcome of not having the medication have been worse?

GayforMoleman · 02/04/2023 00:42

What?! No! You need to go through official channels. What do you think you could possibly achieve by doing that?!

ShimmeringShirts · 02/04/2023 00:43

What medication was it? Babies aren’t usually given any medication a couple of hours after birth aside from the vitamin K unless there’s issues that need immediate intervention with. If you knew the risks and backed down after speaking to the doctor then she is correct in her write up.

Lysianthus · 02/04/2023 00:44

MisschiefMaker · 02/04/2023 00:27

I can't imagine any scenario in which the hospital takes any complaint seriously. The Doctor lied in the write up to say she had discussed the risks with me. Actually, I had initially declined treatment because of the risks and asked her about the risks - she had insisted there were none. Obviously, my DD paid the price when I backed down.

Oh and I did contact the hospital a few months after it happened they sent a generic response saying the relevant team would address my concerns but they never did.

Sorry but the hospital do need to respond, not generically, and if you wrote to them and got nothing then you need to send that letter to PALS and they will be all over it, particularly if you had no response from the hospital. They take a very dim view of non-response.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/04/2023 00:45

You’re threatening to harass the Dr’s relatives!?!?

Get a grip. There are proper procedures and protocols to make an official complaint.

SD1978 · 02/04/2023 00:48

Without knowing the actual circumstances, which you are in no obliged to disclose on social media- whether the doctors was at fault or not you need to follow up. If you don't think the first answer is acceptable- keep going, keep complaining, keep asking. Stalking their social/ professional media can (and I'm sorry) should lead to you being at least cautioned by the police for stalking. I'm sorry you feel that there was an error made in your daughters care, but what you're talking about will not help you heal and move on.

Streamside · 02/04/2023 00:50

Focus on your daughter,if you want to make a complaint do so through the correct channels.

MrsMotts · 02/04/2023 00:52

As someone who is often involved in serious incident investigations, there are strict processes hospitals have to follow. If you haven’t had a satisfactory response, go back through PALS.
YABVU to threaten to approach someone through their social media, and even more so to consider approaching their relatives!

Something about this post just feels a bit off….