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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Message the doc that treated DD

156 replies

MisschiefMaker · 02/04/2023 00:21

Just found the doctors LinkedIn.

AIBU to message her to ask her why she lied to me to get me to agree to give my DD medication that has left her with lifelong damage, when there was nothing wrong with her. I can also include that i pray no other innocent babies are harmed by her every day.

Or should I message her family members instead.

Or just forget about it and move on? She thought she was doing the right thing, after all, and lots of doctors have god complexes.

OP posts:
thegrain · 02/04/2023 08:39

If you are seriously considering harassing family members over this please seek counselling.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 02/04/2023 08:43

Wowzel · 02/04/2023 08:34

I think people are getting PALS and the formal complaints procedures mixed up.

PALS are for informally resolving an issue, with a brief response or a phone call.

A formal complaint to the complaints team will get you a better response OP.

Although what your saying is correct pals can put you through to them, I sent my complaint to pals and they said it was to serious for them to deal with and foreward it to the complaints department

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 02/04/2023 08:48

You need to take this through official channels, contact PALS, the hospital feedback people on their website. If you don't get very far, complain to the hospital board or chief executive. All you'll do in contacting via social media is give them evidence that you're harassing and stalking. I would look to get counselling or something as you may well have post-traumatic stress as well as grief going on.

fUNNYfACE36 · 02/04/2023 08:52

I'd your dd has indeed suffered lifelong damage due to doctors negligence as tou are suggesting, tou need to be starting legal action incase t ourcdd needs any therapies in the future.

NewLifter · 02/04/2023 08:55

Ok, so you really need to contact the hospital to arrange a debrief to discuss your concerns. My guess is that your baby was given gentamicin for suspected sepsis (meningitis maybe) due to there being a suspicion of infection. Your baby should have had bloods taken during the course of the treatment to reduce the risk of toxicity. Unfortunately there is a risk of hearing loss, renal damage etc. Generally, antibiotic use in newborns may increase the risk of allergies, damage to their future teeth, development of autoimmunity conditions etc (some of this risk may be mitigated with breastfeeding).

It is very much considered vital within paediatrics to commence the antibiotic early if there is suspicion of infection as leaving it too late greatly increases their risk of death. Therefore it is considered to be best to start it, despite the small risk of harm from the medication. When the cultures come back eventually - if they are negative and the baby's obs and infection markers are normal/ improving, then the antibiotic will be discontinued.

Is your baby not now being treated at the same hospital for their condition? Surely there is an opportunity at appointments to discuss this? PLEASE don't contact any medical professional directly, it is harassment. You need to go through the proper channels.

3luckystars · 02/04/2023 08:57

Don’t give up. Fight back to get answers and do get counselling, it will help you with the cycle of thoughts. I don’t know where you are but in Ireland there isn’t a 2 year limit on taking a case when it is a child under 18. Keep going and don’t back down. Good luck.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 02/04/2023 09:02

OP repeatedly uses her and she in the OP.

Great input. Male or female, the comment still stands.

PerpetualStudent · 02/04/2023 09:10

I just want to say therapy can make a real difference. I had a grim post natal experience and was also lied to by one HCP in particular to such an extent that, yes, I thought about finding her online because at my worst points I wanted her to feel as lost and helpless as I did.

This was a trauma response. I had EMDR therapy - over approx 8 sessions I was able to process what happened to me and my DC. The experience doesn’t haunt me like it used to. I would really recommend checking this out x

LumpySpaceCow · 02/04/2023 09:11

I'm sorry you're hurting OP. Is your child still under the care of a consultant? Could you discuss this with them? I know you have the medical notes, but I think you need to sit down and discuss them with a healthcare professional in a debrief scenario either before or as part of a formal complaint process. Go again through PALS, have a meeting with the medical staff.

OldFan · 02/04/2023 09:13

If it was within a year (I think that's the rules but you can check) you can make a complaint to the GMC @MisschiefMaker x

HoppingPavlova · 02/04/2023 09:15

@Pasithean Don’t bother. They will all lie leaving you heartbroken and a huge bill. I believe it’s part of their training to cover each other’s mistakes by lying and gaslighting

Nope. All treatments, whether pharmacological or otherwise, carry risk. The employment of treatment is always balanced against benefit, and the risk/benefit assessment can often be tricky due to inter and unreasonable patient variation for example. It’s like a see-saw. Sometimes, when out the other end and with benefit of hindsight you may think, maybe if I had my time again I would have made a different assessment ‘for this particular patient in this particular situation’, but that doesn’t mean you were negligent doing what you did or that there is a big cover up. Somehow I doubt you would ever accept that though.

SaltyDogLife · 02/04/2023 09:15

Complain through the official channels and stop online stalking her and her family. Even though it can't be undone, you might cause a change that spares others going through the same and if your DD requires help or for your family from therapy to adaptations in the home then financial compensation should be due but don't email or message her you will seem crazy and it won't benefit you or anyone. Doctors lie ad tamper with records they also cover up for each other so get the records out first.

Florissante · 02/04/2023 09:15

Are the poster who wanted to blowtorch said doctor in the face for perceived wrongs in her daughter's healthcare? There are too many similarities not to be the same person.

yikesanotherbooboo · 02/04/2023 09:20

I'm so sorry that your baby has problems and that you are suffering.It is clear that you need to find some answers to your questions and this might mean pursuing a complaint. I don't agree that it is a given that there will be a cover up . Start the ball rolling through PALS and expect a reply in a timely manner. Have you discussed this with your GP ?

Notagiftiwanted · 02/04/2023 09:25

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 02/04/2023 08:43

Although what your saying is correct pals can put you through to them, I sent my complaint to pals and they said it was to serious for them to deal with and foreward it to the complaints department

Show quote history

Yes we had to go through PALS to do our complaint

DotAndCarryOne2 · 02/04/2023 09:27

Does anyone else feel uneasy about this thread. Something feels ‘off’ but I can’t put my finger on it.

LIZS · 02/04/2023 09:29

Make a formal complaint as a Patient Safety issue . Ask for it to be investigated why treatment continued and whether the side effects were yellow flagged. Were the consequences evident immediately or longer term?

Toomanybooks22 · 02/04/2023 09:35

If you have concerns about the way a doctor acted report them to General Medical Council and / or the hospital themselves

Florissante · 02/04/2023 09:39

DotAndCarryOne2 · 02/04/2023 09:27

Does anyone else feel uneasy about this thread. Something feels ‘off’ but I can’t put my finger on it.

Yes. The OP's posts hint at some serious mental health issues.

LumpyandBumps · 02/04/2023 09:42

It’s clear that you need to do something in order to try to move forward, but messaging the Doctor or harassing family members is not the way to do it.

I appreciate that you don’t want to go into details with random internet strangers but I don’t understand what you say about your DD being given medication when there was nothing wrong.

You sound like you desperately need answers and, indeed, if things were not done as clinically required, the matter pursued via hospital investigation to try to prevent others suffering similarly.

I understand that first contact is normally via PALS, and that would be a much better route than messaging the Doctor, who won’t have your details at home, or be allowed to respond direct.

MegIsWhite · 02/04/2023 09:49

MisschiefMaker · 02/04/2023 02:31

Ok ok I won't message her. I was just posting here because I'm upset. Feeling better now I spoke with DH who seems to have processed the whole thing better than I have.

I don't really want to get into the details of my DDs health condition because it won't help - some posters will start extrapolating and making things up which will confuse the essential point.

This is now like 'Cancel the cheque', isn't it?

OP has written the above quoted post but some still storm in with their detective hats demanding answers and looking to dig their nails in.

RTFT or read all of OP's posts at least.

usernamechanged1 · 02/04/2023 09:53

Of course she’s under no obligation to provide details of what happened. With that said, she wrote that there was nothing wrong with her daughter but also that she discussed treatment and agreed to it. It doesn’t make sense.

It almost reads like the doctor treated a non-existent condition (which warrants criminal prosecution, of course) but also like there was a problem identified and treatment was consented by the parent. 🤷🏻‍♀️

MegIsWhite · 02/04/2023 09:54

The point is she has said she won't contact the Dr which was her aibu. Her question has been answered. Sleuthing is for the professionals to decide if what she's saying has merit.

wombat1a · 02/04/2023 09:57

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 02/04/2023 08:17

I have complete sympathy with you OP. My then teenage daughter was prescribed a medication to control a condition, 6 months of bouncing between hospitals until we got the UK’s top Professor in her disease. The hospitals were doing the bouncing as her illness was confounding them, one great Consultant said, “I haven’t the foggiest, but I know a man who will!” & referred us to the Professor, under whom he’s studied.

Unfortunately, the drugs had catastrophic side effects; the day we visited the Professor, they immediately admitted her as she was at risk of a stroke, heart attack & her endocrine system was at the point of collapse.

Of course, we were angry & upset with the plethora of different Doctors who had kept her on the medication. As parents of patients we put out trust in their knowledge & training.

When we requested her notes, there was a GP that had requested the medication be stopped, but this was overruled by the Consultant at one of the hospitals we’d been referred to.

This was over a decade ago, and as an adult she is still dealing with the damage it has caused. And, her illness is still not under control.

Of course we were angry. We went through the complaints procedure at the time, there were apologies, but at the end of the day we had to focus on our daughter & move her treatment forwards.

Focus on the now, not the past. Turn that anger into a a passionate, positive force to deal with the situation you’re in now. You can’t turn the clock back, and harassment charges will only make things worse.

I think that goes go to show how in this case how difficult it was to make a diagnosis. The old adage is if you can't treat the cause at least try to try to symptoms.

We dealt with one of these a few years ago in DHs lab, a sample came to us from a hospital elsewhere in the country, after trying lots of things the stumped Drs talked to an old class-mate over a catch-up dinner who had been to another conference where DH had talked about a condition he had looked at and the 'friend of a friend' link put them in touch with DH. Our lab analysed the sample and confirmed the link and gave advice back to the Drs directly. Sadly in that case the advice can be only to help ease things as the probably of survival into adulthood is < 5%.

One of a very tragic areas of medical research many people have no idea happens.

The human body is so massively complex that no single person (or team) can know everything about it, conditions, cures etc etc The best they can do is keep up to date with the commonly seen ones and their treatments.

DojaPhat · 02/04/2023 09:57

But the thing is there are people on this board who know one or two things about even very esoteric medical conditions or would be able to offer some insight into treatment pathways so would be able to tell the OP that the course of what happened was completely out of the norm e.g. baby was born with jaundice so the doctor thought it fit to amputate her arm or something...

Keeping it hush hush and becoming increasingly overwrought doesn't make this thread useful to anyone least of all the OP.

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