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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable over flat tyre on car DD or DH

185 replies

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:15

Hi DD19 came home with flat tyre after work today & husband wasn’t too happy about it & started shouting about it not at her but about the car having a flat tyre. Bit of background here - DD has paid 1700 this month from her wages/savings towards the car to pay it off & is also paying off her student finance. So DD didn’t think it was right for her to pay 100 pounds for the flat tyre but DH didn’t want to pay it as it isn’t his car even though DD is paying a lot of money towards the car to pay it off & student finance to pay that off as well. DH reluctantly paid the 100 pounds for the flat tyre but isn’t happy about it and both are not talking to the other as they both argued about it. So who is being more unreasonable & AIBU to keep out of it or just let them get on with it

OP posts:
RiktheButler · 02/04/2023 14:47

Megapint · 02/04/2023 14:45

It's on her to pay for repairs to her car. As for the 'It's insurance fraud brigade. In the real world this is how most families sort insurance for young/ new drivers.

You get that it is illegal? You understand the consequences?

SquareRootOfAllEvil · 02/04/2023 15:00

Megapint · 02/04/2023 14:45

It's on her to pay for repairs to her car. As for the 'It's insurance fraud brigade. In the real world this is how most families sort insurance for young/ new drivers.

I don’t know anyone IRL who does this or would do this, and I very much live in the real world.

Nevermind31 · 02/04/2023 15:05

So your DH is going a favour to your DD and she wants him to pay for it???
if I was your DH I would take myself out of the equation… see, your car, now you pay more, AND you are still responsible for the tyre.
also don’t know why your DH shouted… nothing to do with him.
now, if your DD doesn’t have the money, then a loan or an early birthday present might be in order…

Megapint · 02/04/2023 15:09

@SSquareRootOfAllEvil @RRiktheButler
He drives the car, she drives the car. Not something I'd lose any sleep over. It's a pretty standard way of doing insurance amongst the people I know with young drivers & for many the only ways they can afford it.

Beachwalker66 · 02/04/2023 15:11

Your DH/DD are committing fraud.

If there’s an accident this could have a dramatic impact, it honestly isn’t worth the risk.

Gladiaterf · 02/04/2023 15:24

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:33

DH is main driver to car but is on insurance so it’s cheaper for DD to drive to work and back

That's insurance fraud. It's called fronting.

RiktheButler · 02/04/2023 15:30

Megapint · 02/04/2023 15:09

@SSquareRootOfAllEvil @RRiktheButler
He drives the car, she drives the car. Not something I'd lose any sleep over. It's a pretty standard way of doing insurance amongst the people I know with young drivers & for many the only ways they can afford it.

Whilst I accept that it is tough to understand what the op is saying in most of her posts,"fronting" is illegal.

Which bit of "illegal" is a difficult concept for you? Is there a list of offences that you think are excusable?

anonacfr · 02/04/2023 15:33

Your husband shouldn't have yelled but it's up to the car driver to pay for repairs they incurred.

Not sure why your daughter is expecting her dad to pay.

PlantagenetEmbassy · 02/04/2023 15:41

Ok I think you left a lot of pertinent facts out of your OP and this has led to people giving you bad advice.
Am I right in thinking that the car is registered in DH's name as he has outstanding finance on the car? And so he is fronting the car for DD on the insurance as well?

And she, wanting to get out of this situation (shituation) as quickly as possible is making MASSIVE overpayments every month to get shot of the finance, hence paying £1700 this month? And your DH, not content with taking most of your 19 year old daughter's salary for a car HE is responsible for paying for, now wants another £100 for a top-end tyre for HIS car that she might someday own if she ever stops getting robbed repaying to him?

Yeah I think your DH is being unfair. I bet you both insisted she had a nice shiny finance car instead of a cheap old banger as well didn't you? This sounds so controlling. Your poor DD.

Bettyboop3 · 02/04/2023 15:41

Megapint · 02/04/2023 15:09

@SSquareRootOfAllEvil @RRiktheButler
He drives the car, she drives the car. Not something I'd lose any sleep over. It's a pretty standard way of doing insurance amongst the people I know with young drivers & for many the only ways they can afford it.

Does he really drive the car though?

TequilaNights · 02/04/2023 15:52

This is on your daughter regardless of who fronted the payment for the car (which is a nice thing to do and should not lump you with further maintenance for the car) your Dd should have paid and should pay your DH back.

That's the price of owning a car.

pettysquabbles · 02/04/2023 16:55

Megapint · 02/04/2023 14:45

It's on her to pay for repairs to her car. As for the 'It's insurance fraud brigade. In the real world this is how most families sort insurance for young/ new drivers.

Not any families I know as they know it's fraud. If caught, it will lead to the policy ebing cancelled, make getting new insurance a nightmare and also lead to the possibility of a criminal conviction. Not really worth it in my opinion.

WardrobesAreEmpty · 02/04/2023 17:45

I am assuming your Dh is down as the registered keeper and the main driver even though technically this car will end up being your DD's. This is fronting and illegal because the car is for DD.

It used to be that the registered keeper and main driver could be different but as I understand it now, insurance companies are very reluctant to insure a car with a different registered keeper and main driver mainly because of fronting.

I don't work so cannot get a loan or a PCP as no income and knew I would have to pay cash to buy a new car so we saved up money for it. Even though the dealership knew the car was for me and I was paying cash they still had to go through the PCP offers even pointing out that I don't qualify for them . Also that Dh wouldn't be able to get a PCP deal in his name either as the car was for me so that would be illegal fronting but due to financial regulations they still have to walk me through it all.

My Ds is registered on my car as a named driver and passed his test 6 months ago. Paying the extortionate insurance increase to put him on is all part of the cost of owning a car. He is away at uni so can't get his own car yet as nowhere to park it but when he does paying the massive insurance bill is part and parcel of owning the car. Dh just replaced all 4 tyres for £600 on his car.

Your DD should pay for the tyre. It is her car.

Floralnomad · 02/04/2023 17:48

Megapint · 02/04/2023 14:45

It's on her to pay for repairs to her car. As for the 'It's insurance fraud brigade. In the real world this is how most families sort insurance for young/ new drivers.

It really isn’t

SophieJo · 02/04/2023 17:49

Is she a named driver in the insurance?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/04/2023 17:55

They’re unreasonable for the insurance fraud. DD needs to pay for the replacement tyre. Might be different if DH had borrowed the car for his own benefit.

aSofaNearYou · 02/04/2023 20:12

She is very obviously being unreasonable.

Zingy123 · 02/04/2023 22:46

@Megapint no that's not what people do. It's fraud. Every young person I know who has a car pays properly. The insurance in their name.

Purplecatshopaholic · 02/04/2023 23:03

Her car. Her tyre. She pays. She needs to sort out the little insurance fraud issue while she’s at it…

L1ttledrummergirl · 02/04/2023 23:16

Next month dd needs to pay dh less for the car loan and keep enough back for an emergency fund.

They need to fix the insurance, yes it's more expensive to start with, but in our experience the premiums drop very quickly once no claims has been earned. Ds1s went from approx £2500 in the first year, to under £600 the following year.

Fronting can invalidate the insurance, I wouldn't want that for my dc.

whowhatwerewhy · 03/04/2023 07:15

@Megapint
In the real world parents don't encourage there children to commit fraud .

OkImListening · 03/04/2023 09:46

If she is working (and not a student) your daughter should definitely pay for the tyre. I would never have expected my parents to pay for a tyre repair when I was 19 - nor would they have done so if I'd have had the audacity to ask! Daughter should pay back her dad.

BlueBunting · 03/04/2023 09:52

Insurance fraud aside, DD should have paid.
i would tell her that if she thinks it’s his responsibility as he bought the car then he sells it. Simple

olympicsrock · 03/04/2023 09:57

The answer is that DH would normally offer to pay half of it as a kind parent but as she is being so rude she needs to pay for all of it.

You have drop fed shockingly in this post OP…

Cherrysoup · 03/04/2023 10:00

Effectively, it’s her car and your Dh is ‘main driver’ to lower the insurance so dd should have paid as it’s her car.