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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who is being unreasonable over flat tyre on car DD or DH

185 replies

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:15

Hi DD19 came home with flat tyre after work today & husband wasn’t too happy about it & started shouting about it not at her but about the car having a flat tyre. Bit of background here - DD has paid 1700 this month from her wages/savings towards the car to pay it off & is also paying off her student finance. So DD didn’t think it was right for her to pay 100 pounds for the flat tyre but DH didn’t want to pay it as it isn’t his car even though DD is paying a lot of money towards the car to pay it off & student finance to pay that off as well. DH reluctantly paid the 100 pounds for the flat tyre but isn’t happy about it and both are not talking to the other as they both argued about it. So who is being more unreasonable & AIBU to keep out of it or just let them get on with it

OP posts:
Findyourneutralspace · 02/04/2023 00:02

Part of car ownership is dealing with shitty £100 bills that come out of the blue. If it’s her car, the sooner she learns this the better.

whowhatwerewhy · 02/04/2023 06:22

If the car belongs to DD she should pay for the tyre. It sounds like her DDad took out a loan for the car and she's paying him back . If her DDad is using the car more than DD I'm sure there will be some form of agreement as to dad paying his way towards its upkeep.
However the insurance sounds like fronting to me that could be very costly if the insurance find out .
Both DC have cars both responsible for the running cost I'm on there insurance as a named driver to bring there premiums down but ultimately it's there car they insure it and pay all expenses associated with the car .

massivenamechnage · 02/04/2023 09:54

I would be checking the insurance to see if it allows a named driver to use it for commenting to work daily

lljkk · 02/04/2023 10:13

Agree definitely worthwhile to phone around for local tyre repair/replace prices.
I paid £30 for one new tyre at Crazy Tyres, Tunbridge Wells.
Is Kent not an 'expensive part of south East' ?

Floralnomad · 02/04/2023 10:52

@Safarigiraffe you really should be getting them to sort out the insurance and stop fronting . If they get caught the insurance will likely be cancelled and then that has to be declared every time you apply for any insurance and means insurance for anything will be more expensive as lots of firms won’t cover you at all . Car insurance for young people is always expensive at first but you may as well start doing it now as it will still be expensive when she’s older if she hasn’t racked up any years as a main insured .

redbigbananafeet · 02/04/2023 10:53

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:33

DH is main driver to car but is on insurance so it’s cheaper for DD to drive to work and back

Answer this very simply, who's car is it? Who owns the car?

ArcticSkewer · 02/04/2023 11:03

This is a good time to make sure she knows the rules and guidelines around tyres.

For me that would include ...

ideally replace both tyres on axle not one.

if replacing one, make sure the pattern tread matches the one on the other side (ideally same tyre make and model).

Reasons why part worn tyres are not a good choice (including the stats on the % of unroadworthy tyres sold as part worn)

The benefits of buying quality tyres and how to identify good quality tyres

The alphabet system (don't know the official name) for checking a tyre for its performance, particularly in wet weather (I'm never bothered about the decibels part personally).

Wheel balancing as part of tyre fitting, and possibly tracking as well depending on how the tyre was damaged/car performance.

There's a lot of information online about things to consider.

She's a young driver, I'd be wanting the best possible tyres personally - better grip, better braking, less risk of aquaplaning etc. I'd be more than happy to pay for that.

BungleandGeorge · 02/04/2023 11:46

Who is the legal owner of the car? Who is the legal keeper of the car?

mybeautifuloak · 02/04/2023 12:25

Why would it be DHs responsibility? It's DDs car. DD got the flat tyre. DHs only relationship with the car appears to be that he paid upfront for it because DD couldn't do he was doing her a favour and he is fronting the insurance. But it's her car Even if it was a joint car, she got the flat. Depending on why (hit the kerb or ran over a nail) it would still be her responsibility fully or at least mostly.
Why would it be on him? I can't see a single reason why it would be on him to pay.

Aprilx · 02/04/2023 12:27

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:21

Yes on insurance DH is main driver & she drives it

Show quote history

You know this is illegal?

pettysquabbles · 02/04/2023 13:06

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:17

DDs car she drives it but DH is main driver on it

Does he drive it more than her? If not then this is illegal.

MrsMorton · 02/04/2023 13:20

lljkk · 01/04/2023 22:04

New tyre cost me £30 last year. £15 if they had repaired it. I'm wondering where £100 estimate comes from.

Do you drive a scooter?

NumberTheory · 02/04/2023 13:27

So DH bought the car and DD is buying it off him. But DH is still driving the car most of the time? How is he compensating DD for that? You need to clearly explain the ownership situation as that’s key to responsibility (ignore what they’ve done to fiddle the insurance).

If it’s supposed to be DD’s car and DH bought it because he could get the loan, but DD is paying him back and the car is hers to dictate what happens to it, who drives it, etc., then the expense is hers. Your DH should be paying her some money (or knocking money off the repayments) to compensate for driving it around.

If DH bought the car and is using it most of the time and DD is paying him some of the cost so she can drive it to and from work and share it with him then it’s a shared expense and they should split the cost according to how much mileage they each drive.

If it’s DH’s car, DD has paid some money to him so she can drive it for a few years, but if she left home she’d be leaving the car behind, then it’s DH’s car. Unless other arrangements were explicitly made the cost of the tire along with other maintenance is his and should have been factored in to how much he’s asked DD to pay to be able to drive the car.

If its either of the first two, your DD needs to understand that a car isn’t a one off cost - maintaining it is a very important part of ownership.

AgnesX · 02/04/2023 13:30

Welcome to the world of car ownership. Her car, she pays. For your own benefit stay well out of it (someone will obviously be unhappy,).

JudgeRudy · 02/04/2023 13:31

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:17

DDs car she drives it but DH is main driver on it

If it's your daughter's car she pays for it. I'm guessing she must be at least 21 and probably living with you rent free. I guess my question would be why on earth would it be down to anyone else to pay? If its such a dilema have you offrred to pay?
If that was my daughter id be furious at her bratty behaviour (and a bit ashamed at what I'd raised). It's not even like she can't afford it!

BTW - If your husband has insured the car and added daughter as a nominated driver...well if she's the main driver then that would be fraud...illegal.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/04/2023 13:50

Neither come out of this well.

It's your daughters car - your husband paid for it and she is paying him back. So she is being a bit spoiled not wanting to pay for a new tyre on the basis that she has paid some of it off this month. That's not how owning something and repaying loans works.

He was being unreasonable shouting about an every day accident.

They are both being unreasonable by naming your husband as the main driver which is a form of fraud

They were both being unreasonable in entering into a financial arrangement without considering who was going to pay for ongoing maintenance

They should sit down and discuss what happens if further repaid costs are needed - who is going to pay for ongoing maintenance and services and MOTs etc

PickledPurplePickle · 02/04/2023 14:01

If it’s DD car then she pays - why would DH pay?

ArcticSkewer · 02/04/2023 14:03

JudgeRudy · 02/04/2023 13:31

If it's your daughter's car she pays for it. I'm guessing she must be at least 21 and probably living with you rent free. I guess my question would be why on earth would it be down to anyone else to pay? If its such a dilema have you offrred to pay?
If that was my daughter id be furious at her bratty behaviour (and a bit ashamed at what I'd raised). It's not even like she can't afford it!

BTW - If your husband has insured the car and added daughter as a nominated driver...well if she's the main driver then that would be fraud...illegal.

Show quote history

She's 19

ItchycooParkCult · 02/04/2023 14:07

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:29

DH does drive the car but DD drives car to work & back home only

Ok so they both drive the car.

the car got a flat. They both should split the cost 50/50 as a tyre is a consumable part that both of them driving it would’ve lead to wear and tear and either of them could’ve caused damage to cause the flat.

if DD is out of funds due to paying off the car then fair enough DH should help out his daughter for being smart enough to pay bills first but teach her the importance of an emergency fund for these kinds of small but needed problems.

Squidger45 · 02/04/2023 14:29

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:21

Yes on insurance DH is main driver & she drives it

Show quote history

That's illegal, unfortunately.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 02/04/2023 14:35

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:33

DH is main driver to car but is on insurance so it’s cheaper for DD to drive to work and back

When does your dh drive the car?

WonderingWanda · 02/04/2023 14:35

So it is your dd's car. You bought it for her and she has been paying it off. Dh is only on the insurance to keep the price down (which of course he should not be because it is her car and she should be the named driver). She is totally unreasonable to be rude to your dh or expect him to pay for the tyre. It sounds very much like she can't really afford a car.

WonderingWanda · 02/04/2023 14:37

If it was your dh's car and dd borrowed it occasionally then it would be reasonable to expect him to pay for the tyre but that is clearly not the case here because your explained she has been paying off the car.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 02/04/2023 14:39

Of course he is the main driver OP. The insurance would be off the scale without his help.
Your daughter needs a lesson in doing the right thing and you are clearly not being very helpful here

Megapint · 02/04/2023 14:45

It's on her to pay for repairs to her car. As for the 'It's insurance fraud brigade. In the real world this is how most families sort insurance for young/ new drivers.