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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable over flat tyre on car DD or DH

185 replies

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:15

Hi DD19 came home with flat tyre after work today & husband wasn’t too happy about it & started shouting about it not at her but about the car having a flat tyre. Bit of background here - DD has paid 1700 this month from her wages/savings towards the car to pay it off & is also paying off her student finance. So DD didn’t think it was right for her to pay 100 pounds for the flat tyre but DH didn’t want to pay it as it isn’t his car even though DD is paying a lot of money towards the car to pay it off & student finance to pay that off as well. DH reluctantly paid the 100 pounds for the flat tyre but isn’t happy about it and both are not talking to the other as they both argued about it. So who is being more unreasonable & AIBU to keep out of it or just let them get on with it

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 01/04/2023 21:27

DD has paid 1700 this month from her wages/savings towards the car to pay it off & is also paying off her student finance. So DD didn’t think it was right for her to pay 100 pounds for the flat tyre

Why would she not think it right to pay for a flat tyre on her car? I can't imagine expecting anyone to pay for new tyres for my car because I'd already spent a lot on it that month.

It sounds as though they're also fronting on the insurance, which isn't a particularly clever thing to do! I have to say, if I was committing insurance fraud and the person I was helping me expected me to pay for their new tyres, I'd stop that pretty sharpish.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 01/04/2023 21:28

Quite apart from the illegality of the insurance set-up, your DD should be paying for the tyre.

It's a basic finance lesson. I'm sure it feels a bit crap for her to have worked hard to pay off a big chunk of debt but that doesn't negate her responsibility to pay other bills. Tough this month but that's just adult life.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:29

DH does drive the car but DD drives car to work & back home only

OP posts:
CrotchetyQuaver · 01/04/2023 21:29

Could the flat tyre not be repaired? That's usually no more than £25

Aquamarine1029 · 01/04/2023 21:29

but DH didn’t want to pay it as it isn’t his car

Um, you've told the insurance company that it is indeed his car. 🙄

Are people really this daft?

IoooAINToooSAYINGoooSHEoooA · 01/04/2023 21:29

Shes likely got away with more than £100 a month since she's had her insurance by lying. So she needs a few more lessons in finance really.

Pubesofsoberness · 01/04/2023 21:30

Sounds like he's only on there so her insurance is cheaper, in which case no he shouldn't have to pay and he should also come off the insurance

Pubesofsoberness · 01/04/2023 21:30

Cross Post, although I'm not sure I beleave you after all that!

Newname221 · 01/04/2023 21:31

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:29

DH does drive the car but DD drives car to work & back home only

So who’s car is it? Who is the MAIN driver? Who’s name is the car registered to?

ZeroWorshipHere · 01/04/2023 21:32

DH didn’t want to pay it as it isn’t his car

DDs car she drives it but DH is main driver on it

you specifically say it’s not his car and it’s your dds car.

Zipettydooda · 01/04/2023 21:32

Does DH drive the car or is he main driver just for insurance purposes to keep the premium low ?

If he doesn’t drive it, she pays.
If he does drive it too then he pays half as a puncture can result from wear and tear.

No need for shouting, in any situation. Reasonable discussion is far better for all concerned.

Floralnomad · 01/04/2023 21:33

If it’s her car , which I assume it is ( in reality) as she has been paying for it then she should be paying for the tyre . She should also be the main driver on the insurance because otherwise it’s illegal .

Socrateswasrightaboutvoting · 01/04/2023 21:33

OP I would ask for this to be deleted. Fronting an insurance policy is a much bigger issue than who pays for a tyre.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:33

DH is main driver to car but is on insurance so it’s cheaper for DD to drive to work and back

OP posts:
HamBone · 01/04/2023 21:33

My DD (17) wrecked a tyre by driving too close to a curb.

DH and I own the car so we paid for the replacement and she’s reimbursed us 50%, because she caused the damage. 🤷

It sounds as if your DD owns the car so I’m not sure why your DH is involved in this issue. He doesn’t really have a stake in the car, or has he also paid towards it?

WheelsUp · 01/04/2023 21:34

Did she cause the flat tyre on purpose or something ?
As the others have said you are commuting insurance fraud.

bloodywhitecat · 01/04/2023 21:34

If she drives it more than he does then she is the main driver and she needs to change the status with the insurance company.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/04/2023 21:35

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:33

DH is main driver to car but is on insurance so it’s cheaper for DD to drive to work and back

Which is fronting! How do you not comprehend this?

Augend23 · 01/04/2023 21:35

Either he's the main driver, or she's on the insurance so it's cheaper.

It's fine to add someone as a secondary driver to make it cheaper but not as the main driver. It's called "fronting".

Obviously if he does mainly drive it's fine.

TwoBlueFish · 01/04/2023 21:35

Does your DH drive the care more than DD?

ultimately it’s DS’s car and her responsibility.

JudgeJ · 01/04/2023 21:36

teacakie · 01/04/2023 21:17

Why was he not happy about the flat tyre?

Why did he shout at her?

Did she actually drive home on a flat tyre? If she did then she needs shouting at, it could serious damage to the rims.

Socrateswasrightaboutvoting · 01/04/2023 21:36

Aquamarine1029 · 01/04/2023 21:35

Which is fronting! How do you not comprehend this?

Show quote history

You can lead a horse to water....

Pixiedust1234 · 01/04/2023 21:37

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:33

DH is main driver to car but is on insurance so it’s cheaper for DD to drive to work and back

DD should be listed as main driver with DH as additional otherwise you are committing fraud. It will still be cheaper having him on as additional.

BTW, DD won't be able to earn any no claims discount unless she's the main driver so her insurance will never be cheaper as she will always be seen as a risk even if she drives for the next twenty years. Get it changed.

ZeroWorshipHere · 01/04/2023 21:37

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:33

DH is main driver to car but is on insurance so it’s cheaper for DD to drive to work and back

Bit of casual fraud there- if she has an accident she will be treated as uninsured and your DH or her can be prosecuted

ArcticSkewer · 01/04/2023 21:38

Why was he shouting?
Flat tyres happen. It's mostly bolts, screws, nails etc. No much to be done about it.

I'd always pay for my 19 year old if I could afford it. They earn nothing compared to me and it makes me happy to ease their financial burden a bit. No point ruining a gesture with a load of shouting first!