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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable over flat tyre on car DD or DH

185 replies

Safarigiraffe · 01/04/2023 21:15

Hi DD19 came home with flat tyre after work today & husband wasn’t too happy about it & started shouting about it not at her but about the car having a flat tyre. Bit of background here - DD has paid 1700 this month from her wages/savings towards the car to pay it off & is also paying off her student finance. So DD didn’t think it was right for her to pay 100 pounds for the flat tyre but DH didn’t want to pay it as it isn’t his car even though DD is paying a lot of money towards the car to pay it off & student finance to pay that off as well. DH reluctantly paid the 100 pounds for the flat tyre but isn’t happy about it and both are not talking to the other as they both argued about it. So who is being more unreasonable & AIBU to keep out of it or just let them get on with it

OP posts:
SquareRootOfAllEvil · 01/04/2023 21:52

Ignoring the insurance implications, I don’t understand why your daughter thinks it’s your DH’s responsibility to pay? Sounds like it’s her car and she was driving, so it’s nothing to do with him.

AngelDelightUK · 01/04/2023 21:52

If it’s her car then she should pay for the tyre. But you are on dodgy ground with the insurance

Twillow · 01/04/2023 21:53

If she has an accident in it driving to work then she & DH will be in big trouble because she's clearly the main driver. And it's her car so she should pay - by all means help out if you are able/want to but the responsibility is hers. Life costs.

Pubesofsoberness · 01/04/2023 21:56

She should pay

HunterHearstHelmsley · 01/04/2023 21:57

SquareRootOfAllEvil · 01/04/2023 21:52

Ignoring the insurance implications, I don’t understand why your daughter thinks it’s your DH’s responsibility to pay? Sounds like it’s her car and she was driving, so it’s nothing to do with him.

This is what I can't get my head around. I used to have a genuine car share with my dad, I was main driver if I remember correctly but it didn't make much difference as we genuinely both drove it. I paid for tax & insurance, my Dad paid for MOT & service. We split fuel and repairs between us, because it was our car.

In this case, it appears to be the daughter's car so all costs other than fuel, a small amount of wear and tear etc. Should be covered by her.

Obviously if the DH had an accident, that's different altogether.

JenniferBarkley · 01/04/2023 22:04

If it's her car then she should be paying for repairs and the correct insurance.

However, since she's paying her dad back for the car, if you're financially comfortable and she's being responsible and just starting out then it would be kind to add the money to the overall debt rather than insisting she pays this month. That's a nice thing to do though and not at all necessary if neither of you fancy it.

lljkk · 01/04/2023 22:04

New tyre cost me £30 last year. £15 if they had repaired it. I'm wondering where £100 estimate comes from.

TrombonesAreNotBones · 01/04/2023 22:04

Ok. My Dad would have grumbled and paid up if I had indicated I was going to be short due to flat tyre replacement. He wouldn't have shouted at me, the roads are appalling atm - potholes awaiting repair and you can't see the ones filled with rain for example.

I think DD could be a bit more mindful of not treating her Dad like a bank and DH def needs to remember that at 19 his daughter is still learning how to adult, including building up financial reserves for unexpected outlays.

Hope all calm down down soon.

get that fronting sorted, yeah

TiaraBoo · 01/04/2023 22:11

So DD didn’t think it was right for her to pay 100 pounds for the flat tyre

@Safarigiraffe Why?

Adults don’t usually say I’ve paid my bills this month, it’s not right for me to pay for my car to be fixed!

PuddlesPityParty · 01/04/2023 22:12

TrombonesAreNotBones · 01/04/2023 22:04

Ok. My Dad would have grumbled and paid up if I had indicated I was going to be short due to flat tyre replacement. He wouldn't have shouted at me, the roads are appalling atm - potholes awaiting repair and you can't see the ones filled with rain for example.

I think DD could be a bit more mindful of not treating her Dad like a bank and DH def needs to remember that at 19 his daughter is still learning how to adult, including building up financial reserves for unexpected outlays.

Hope all calm down down soon.

get that fronting sorted, yeah

OP said he was shouting about the situation, not at the daughter. Reading between the lines at the DD not wanting to pay I would imagine she is also shouting back about the situation…

JudgeJ · 01/04/2023 22:15

lljkk · 01/04/2023 22:04

New tyre cost me £30 last year. £15 if they had repaired it. I'm wondering where £100 estimate comes from.

My car is a 15 year old VW but no way would I put such a cheap tyre on it, some places sell part worn tyres cheap but they tend to be a false economy.

Brefugee · 01/04/2023 22:18

meh - her car she pays. I'm not sure why he was shouty unless he needs to use it so much because he has no car of his own and she lends him hers?

She needs to tell him that he's not using it any more if he's going to be irrational. But her car - she pays for the tyres. (as an aside, does it have a spare wheel and if so does she know how to change it?)

Florenz · 01/04/2023 22:19

I work in insurance. Fronting is illegal. If your daughter has an accident and it is discovered that she is actually the main driver, the insurance will be null and void and she will be personally liable for all costs involved. It's fairly easy to prove nowadays with diagnostics.

Naillig222 · 01/04/2023 22:20

I can't see why your dh would be paying for the tyre?

ArcticSkewer · 01/04/2023 22:21

lljkk · 01/04/2023 22:04

New tyre cost me £30 last year. £15 if they had repaired it. I'm wondering where £100 estimate comes from.

I also wouldn't let my kids drive a car with a £30 tyre on it.
£70 extra
Not much in the greater scheme of things.
£100 is a pretty average price for a half decent tyre

Viviennemary · 01/04/2023 22:24

It's her car so she should pay for the repairs. If she can't afford it she should have politely asked for a loan not said it wasn't up to her to pay. Of course she needs to pay.

WheelsUp · 01/04/2023 22:24

lljkk · 01/04/2023 22:04

New tyre cost me £30 last year. £15 if they had repaired it. I'm wondering where £100 estimate comes from.

My dd needed a new tyre on her Ford Fiesta last year and I paid £100 including fitting by a mobile mechanic.

Florenz · 01/04/2023 22:26

£100 for a tyre on a ford fiesta is extortionate. I have a similar car and I pay £50 for a new tyre, £30 for part worn.

WheelsUp · 01/04/2023 22:27

Just checked my email receipt and I bought 2 tyres for £100.

ArcticSkewer · 01/04/2023 22:29

Florenz · 01/04/2023 22:26

£100 for a tyre on a ford fiesta is extortionate. I have a similar car and I pay £50 for a new tyre, £30 for part worn.

Of course you can pay £50 - your life, your choice.
Better quality tyres are safer but also more expensive.
I've got a similar small, ancient car. I still put £100+ tyres on it. They are just better tyres.

Spiderboy · 01/04/2023 22:32

if it’s her car, she pays. No reason for OH to shout about it though, it all sounds unnecessary? Cars are a MASSIVE responsibility. She should have paid for the tire. A flat tyre isn’t convenient for anyone, ever. But it’s one of those things. I guess he was annoyed because he knew it was gonna come out of his pocket?

NoSquirrels · 01/04/2023 22:37

So actually she’s paid off £1600 of the loan this month, because her dad’s paid £100 for her tyre.

If it’s her car, her tyre, then she pays.

If it’s his car, he pays. But then why is she paying him for it?

If they own & drive it 50-50 then they can split costs 50-50.

It’s not difficult.

LIZS · 01/04/2023 22:40

If she can't afford it now then she has to use public transport until payday!

Lizzt2007 · 01/04/2023 22:41

lljkk · 01/04/2023 22:04

New tyre cost me £30 last year. £15 if they had repaired it. I'm wondering where £100 estimate comes from.

Different tyre sizes cost different amounts. My work car tyres are just over £50 each, my partners car has stupid low profile things on ( not by choice, he's not a car person it's a machine that gets him from a to b so he didn't pay any attention to them) and they cost a little over £80 each. That's both being budget brands.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 01/04/2023 22:49

lljkk · 01/04/2023 22:04

New tyre cost me £30 last year. £15 if they had repaired it. I'm wondering where £100 estimate comes from.

Mine was £140. Different cars, different tyres and prices. OP she should pay, she was driving, it's her car, she pays. She wants to be a driver, this is part of it. And sort the fronting out, or if she crashes she may not be covered at all.