Weekend break with friend. Thought we would be splitting costs...?!

[sjzeke]

I suggested a countryside weekend break with a friend of mine. We have been friends for 12 years, but never gone away together. She jumped at the idea and has been looking forward to it, as have I. (I have a partner of 10 years and mainly have had my weekend breaks away with him).

I looked online at places I had been to before and sent her the links to the hotel websites. She loved all of them. So far, so good as she'd said yes to everything. I noticed she hadn't offered any ideas/preferences... so when I asked her to choose/give me an idea of what she preferred, she texted me back with: 'You choose as you know the hotels in the area and I've never been to any of them.'

I checked on availability and sent her the breakdown of price of rooms for each hotel/room costs. She wrote back with: 'God no. I can't afford that! That's way too expensive!' This was a little strange as I'd already sent her the links in the days prior to the very same hotels! It was just when I sent her the breakdown of prices, she baulked. No big deal though. I looked at other cheaper places. Sent her those too. (Meanwhile, she had done none of the legwork). She said no to everything I had suggested - and because I had sent her the best hotels first, of course, everything that followed (that was cheaper) wasn't as nice.

I'm not sure what she actually did budget for the weekend, but she kept reminding me that she's on a freelance salary. (She's an artist/designer).

She then texted me this morning: 'To be honest, since it was your idea/suggestion and 'your trip', I thought you were paying. You were quite set on going away for a relaxing weekend. I cannot afford these prices at all'.

AIBU to think between friends you split the costs...?? We aren't dating/married or anything, we are simply female friends. I am the higher earner, but didn't suggest a weekend in the 000's! (Also, she travels/goes on holidays more than most people!)

I would obviously not suggest a trip away to someone who couldn't afford it.

I also at no point said (or even suggested) that I would be fitting the bill for the entire thing....??

I'd just reply 'ah, crossed wires! No worries, if you still want to go away let me know your budget otherwise we can try and do it another time'

No need for a big drama but yes, she's being bloody cheeky and she.muat know it otherwise she wouldn't have said the hotels were out of her price range.

This!

I think she was hoping I would pay for it when she kept noting the difference in our income. It was all 'yes yes yes' and 'you choose, it's up to you' until I mentioned the price.

She made as mistake, and fessed up, which was probably mortifying for her. Does that make her a CF?? 🤔Not everyone thinks the same way...

If I invited someone as a treat (can't really imagine doing that for a whole weekend but hey ho), I would make it clear that I was paying as any reasonable person would assume shared costs.

What an odd assumption.

Absolutely CF territory.

Are you sure she hasn't exhibited signs of being one before.

I can't imagine upon a night away between friends being suggested, that anyone would off their own bat think it was a freebe.

You sent her the websites but she obviously didn’t look at them beyond a cursory glance. And she wasn’t bothered to make the effort to look at them in any depth, which is why she told you to pick. Then she got sticker shock, felt embarrassed because she couldn’t afford it, and resorted to being mean to cover her embarrassment. She knew fine well you weren’t paying, she was just embarrassed to admit she couldn’t afford it. From this point you just need to say breezily “no worries we don’t have to go, maybe lunch instead” and just leave it.

What would people have her do, beg, borrow and steal to get the money? Take a loan out? Or just put up with the name calling...?

Just reply: “Lol.”

Of course she was all over the idea… she thought she was getting a lovely freebie.
Now she realised she would have to pay her share she’s not keen…
Is she a bit tight normally?

She should have done a bit of her own research and sent you back a few suggestions saying “these are more in my price range”. Well, thats what I would have done, but I think she was hoping you would offer to pay for the whole trip if she called poverty.

But even if she did think that (how?) why would she send a message saying that she had misunderstood (and being quite arsey about it). If I had genuinely got hold of the wrong end of the stick, I'd be mortified and hoping that nothing I'd said implied that I had!

I've had two weekends away with friends in the last four months. At no point during discussion or booking did anyone assume that the other was paying for it all.
Unless, as others have said, you said, "Let me treat you..." then there isn't any excuse other than CFery.

I like the suggestion of suggesting a meetup instead, it allows for discussion so that friend is completely clear going forward. Potentially allows them to 'save face' but if this is the first time they've been like this, perhaps on this one occasion it's worth applying the benefit of the doubt.

YANBU to expect to split costs, but I've never organised a weekend away without setting an idea of everyone's budget FIRST.

Recent city break with friends, we knew how much transport would cost so we settled on £150 each as being reasonable for 2 nights accommodation and worked from there.

It would have been madness to go off and start looking at 5* hotels without an idea of what everyone was expecting to pay.

She made a ridiculous assumption but at least nothing has actually been booked yet..

Out of interest what sort of price were we talking at the beginning that she was assuming you were footing the bill for?

What are you going to say?!

I don't think she's necessarily a full blown cheeky fucker as she spoke up before you booked and made it clear she couldn't afford it.

She was probably trying her luck though!

Thank god you found out beforehand

If a friend suggests something you can't afford than you politely decline, you don't assume she'll foot the bill....

Just text back: How weird we’re not married.

Doe she normally pay for her friends’ holidays?

Wow! How rude and hurtful.

Lucky you found out first

I thought the same, though presumably OP would have got the money upfront (well, she would if she has any sense!!)

Anyway no harm done since nothing's booked, but maybe a red flag to watch out for in future?

I would never in a million years assume a friend was footing the bill like that! How odd!

That is odd. My nearest and dearest friend has a lot less money than us so I nearly always pay when we go away but that’s explicit right from the start. And I choose where we go.