Weekend break with friend. Thought we would be splitting costs...?!

[sjzeke]

I suggested a countryside weekend break with a friend of mine. We have been friends for 12 years, but never gone away together. She jumped at the idea and has been looking forward to it, as have I. (I have a partner of 10 years and mainly have had my weekend breaks away with him).

I looked online at places I had been to before and sent her the links to the hotel websites. She loved all of them. So far, so good as she'd said yes to everything. I noticed she hadn't offered any ideas/preferences... so when I asked her to choose/give me an idea of what she preferred, she texted me back with: 'You choose as you know the hotels in the area and I've never been to any of them.'

I checked on availability and sent her the breakdown of price of rooms for each hotel/room costs. She wrote back with: 'God no. I can't afford that! That's way too expensive!' This was a little strange as I'd already sent her the links in the days prior to the very same hotels! It was just when I sent her the breakdown of prices, she baulked. No big deal though. I looked at other cheaper places. Sent her those too. (Meanwhile, she had done none of the legwork). She said no to everything I had suggested - and because I had sent her the best hotels first, of course, everything that followed (that was cheaper) wasn't as nice.

I'm not sure what she actually did budget for the weekend, but she kept reminding me that she's on a freelance salary. (She's an artist/designer).

She then texted me this morning: 'To be honest, since it was your idea/suggestion and 'your trip', I thought you were paying. You were quite set on going away for a relaxing weekend. I cannot afford these prices at all'.

AIBU to think between friends you split the costs...?? We aren't dating/married or anything, we are simply female friends. I am the higher earner, but didn't suggest a weekend in the 000's! (Also, she travels/goes on holidays more than most people!)

I would obviously not suggest a trip away to someone who couldn't afford it.

I also at no point said (or even suggested) that I would be fitting the bill for the entire thing....??

100% and have had a "friend" like this. Ended up lending her £500 and never saw a penny of it back. The end of our "friendship" broke me and has changed how I treat all friends now. And I'm going through another situation similar to this now.

Just had a read of the thread. Can’t believe that GIF ! 🙄
I’m currently not working (SAHM), but if I was meeting a friend for a coffee I would still expect to pay my way.
I’m when you look back on the friendship, have you paid lots of times before for coffee/meals?
i think you have a look at the friendship and take a step back for a while. If she reaches out, good arrange a meet up. If not, I wouldn’t push it.

ugh the use of that gif plus the fact that she worked out AND TOLD YOU that she could afford the cost of food and 1 spa treatment (so the fun stuff!) but not accommodation or transport! Any normal adult would understand you pay for the essentials first and then limit the treats if you can't afford them - not expect your friend to pay and then you splash out on a spa treatment! What a cheeky cow!

You must have made it seem like you were offering to pay. Sounds like she and your cash situation are very different. She must feel like she cannot afford to be your friend - do you ask her to do a lot of things that she has to pay out for like fancy days out or anything? Maybe she feels obligated. Or stupid like shes got it wrong and you wasn't offering her a treat on you. I wouldn't assume it myself but she must have got the wrong end of the stick somehow I presume. or pressured somehow.

How odd. Is she a bit of a Daddy's girl used to being spoilt and getting her own way.

I don't think I would want to be friends with her.

As with every other mumsnet scenario never ever assume even with someone you've known fifty years.
Dear friend do you fancy splitting the cost of a getaway.
Clear it up nice and quick make everything clear, assumptions always ruin everything