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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

550 replies

username98765 · 31/03/2023 09:51

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

OP posts:
RisingSunn · 31/03/2023 11:33

How rude! I didn’t know people did this.
The only exception I can think of - (where it may be acceptable) is if it were a colleague’s wedding.

TomatoFrog · 31/03/2023 11:34

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KillingLoneliness · 31/03/2023 11:34

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I don’t understand this kind of opinion, it’s a just a legal contract?

I have friend who has been with her partner for almost the same amount of time as me and my husband, they are fully committed to each other, they just have no interest in marriage.

THisbackwithavengeance · 31/03/2023 11:34

A family wedding: rude and weird

Work colleague: fine/expected.

Friend that the DP doesn't know or see e.g from a hobby or old uni friend: fine as there will likely be a group of friends from said hobby all sat together talking shop.

Good friend that the DP also knows: rude technically but might depend on space or finances. Would expect an explanation as to why spouses were not included.

Ginmonkeyagain · 31/03/2023 11:35

I have been inivte to weddings of colleagues and Mr Monkey has not been invited as he has not met them. Similarly he recently went to the evening bit of a running club buddy's wedding and I was not invited - which is fine as I had ony met her once and the table would just be running chat!

TomatoFrog · 31/03/2023 11:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ktime · 31/03/2023 11:37

Ginmonkeyagain · 31/03/2023 11:35

I have been inivte to weddings of colleagues and Mr Monkey has not been invited as he has not met them. Similarly he recently went to the evening bit of a running club buddy's wedding and I was not invited - which is fine as I had ony met her once and the table would just be running chat!

That's riveting but how is it relevant to OP, who has known the bride and groom longer than her DH?

Ginmonkeyagain · 31/03/2023 11:37

I had it the other way around once. I was invited to the wedding of a friend of Mr Monkey's, I knew him but had only met his fiance once. I declined the invite as it was the same weekend as a very old and close friend's hen do. Apparently comments were made 🙄

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/03/2023 11:38

xogossipgirlxo · 31/03/2023 11:32

I agree. "Because cost". If it's so expensive for you, throw a small reception for closest family, but don't do postcode lottery who gets invited and expect them to be grateful.

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@xogossipgirlxo
@Frozendaquiri

it is a privilege to be invited to a wedding!
End of!

Original poster
username98765 · 31/03/2023 11:39

I've told him not to bother speaking with them. It's up to him now if he goes 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Ginmonkeyagain · 31/03/2023 11:39

@Ktime Well a couple are not one person and no one has the right to be invited to a wedding

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/03/2023 11:40

KillingLoneliness · 31/03/2023 11:21

Because we like to be together, it’s how we’ve always done things and we don’t do well at social events alone. I’d be very upset if my family or close friends were getting married and didn’t think to invite him so I’d rather not go.
We do do our own thing sometimes but not often as we prefer to spend our time together.

Show quote history

@KillingLoneliness

how did you cope before you got married?

RancidOldHag · 31/03/2023 11:40

I think it's normal, when you only know one of the couple.

Also, I think it's a step backwards to insist on couples or plus ones for everything. It's quite a recent phenomenon. Back in the post-War period (and quite possibly earlier in the 20thC too) women may have given up quite a lot on matrimony, but one thing no-one gave up was an independent social life. It has always been utterly normal to invite the people you want, irrespective of marital status. It's only comparatively recently that anyone has made a to-do about it.

KillingLoneliness · 31/03/2023 11:40

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

View it like what? I am happily married and fully committed to my husband as he is to me but we’d feel the same way whether we were married or not and I don’t view those who wish to remain unmarried as any less committed to one another.

sillysmiles · 31/03/2023 11:40

My DH much prefers when I get invites that are just me, than both of us. He doesn't want to go to a wedding with a group of my friends where has only met them a few times but isn't actually friends with them.

VWHoliday · 31/03/2023 11:41

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/03/2023 11:38

@xogossipgirlxo
@Frozendaquiri

it is a privilege to be invited to a wedding!
End of!

Show quote history

I'm sure many people have been to Weddings they didn't really want to be at to be polite. I know I have.

KillingLoneliness · 31/03/2023 11:43

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/03/2023 11:40

@KillingLoneliness

how did you cope before you got married?

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We met in college so we grew into adulthood together and I didn’t cope, as a teen I wouldn’t go to social situations unless a friend was going to be there or my parents if it was family. Both myself and my DH are ND though so it’s not exactly an easy thing for us to do!

JudgeRudy · 31/03/2023 11:43

NotAnotherBathBomb · 31/03/2023 11:25

I hate these kinds of replies. Not literally stating the words doesn't mean it's not implied 🙄

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Yes, kinda agree here. No you didn't SAY you felt entitled but you did think the couple were incredibly rude for not inviting you.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 11:43

luckystarg · 31/03/2023 09:58

YANBU. I hate this. If you can’t afford to have both at the wedding, don’t invite just one. At the end of the day it is their choice but I would be outraged if DH even considered going without me (unless I didn’t know the person or something, or maybe when Covid number rules were in play)

It has happened to us before and DH said he won’t go. An invite magically appeared for me.

This.

How bliddy ill-mannered.

Blossomtoes · 31/03/2023 11:43

sillysmiles · 31/03/2023 11:40

My DH much prefers when I get invites that are just me, than both of us. He doesn't want to go to a wedding with a group of my friends where has only met them a few times but isn't actually friends with them.

This. I went to numerous weddings with my mum because my dad hated them. Every invitation meant a phone call to say he didn’t want to go and could I be taken off the substitutes’ bench again!

Mumsafan · 31/03/2023 11:44

We didn't invite anyone to our wedding . In fact we didn't even tell anyone we were getting married, not even parents and family.

Apart from saving money it meant the day was about us and our marriage.

Weddings , to me, cause so many problems, especially in these times where there can be 4 sets of parents, families, and people who you feel you "have to" invite but probably never see from one year to the next. Eventually people lose sight of the fact its a day for two people to join together primarily and not just a free day out for everyone you've ever met.

Tealsofa · 31/03/2023 11:45

JudgeRudy · 31/03/2023 11:43

Yes, kinda agree here. No you didn't SAY you felt entitled but you did think the couple were incredibly rude for not inviting you.

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"I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding!"

Clearly OP is outraged and feels entitled to an invite

KarmaStar · 31/03/2023 11:46

😀🙄pp saying it's not your wedding!! Op knows that! Yes weddings are expensive,but in these circumstances it would not unreasonable to expect an invitation.
Going to a wedding alone can spoil the fun imho.

IndianaJoanna · 31/03/2023 11:47

Glitteratitar · 31/03/2023 10:49

Bonkers!

People who think OP is reasonable, are you joint at the hip? You never go anywhere or do anything separately?

I really don’t get it. It’s poor manners to insist you should be invited in the first place.

Nope, not bonkers. It's incredibly bad form and downright rude to not invite a known couple to a wedding. You invite both or don't invite at all.

What kind of upbringing did you have to think it's okay???

As you say, BONKERS!

IndianaJoanna · 31/03/2023 11:47

Tealsofa · 31/03/2023 11:45

"I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding!"

Clearly OP is outraged and feels entitled to an invite

Show quote history

I'm outraged by your pathetic, bullying and WRONG response!