Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

[username98765]

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

The whole ‘it’s your day hun, do what you want’ has gone a bit far IMO. Weddings are fairly boring anyway, moreso without your +1 if you have to travel far.

If it’s a group of work colleagues invited I think it’s OK to not invite partners then, but for friends or family not inviting long-term partners is really shit, especially where at least one half of the wedding couple know them.

I wouldn't put it quite like that. For me it's a combination of how close you are and also whether inviting someone without a plus one means they'll be travelling/staying on their own and/or won't know many people.

So for example, I think it's not OK to not invite the partner of your brother or sister, even if it's a new relationship or you're not close to the partner, because your brother or sister deserves more consideration than that.

Younger cousins who aren't in long term relationships and are travelling as part of a family group with their siblings and parents? Fine not to give them a plus one. In this situation I'd give them a plus one if they were in an established relationship with someone I'd met.

Friends who are part of a couple? Invite them both.

Friends who are single? A plus one to bring anyone they like if you can stretch to it, otherwise invite them on their own but think very carefully about who to put them on a table with to make sure they have a good time, and try to introduce them to other wedding guests beforehand if possible, e.g. at hen/stag do.

I once got invited to a wedding without my partner. It was on a Friday, in a very remote part of the country, would have necessitated a two night stay in a hotel, I didn't know any of the bride's other friends and I wasn't invited to the hen do. When I realised my partner wasn't invited I told the bride I couldn't make it and she accused me of only not wanting to come because he wasn't invited. Well, yeah. That tipped the balance from "it's a lot of effort but I'll come and celebrate with my friend" to "meh, it's a lot of effort and I don't fancy it".

Do you open your DP mail?

Personally I wouldn't invite just one half of a long term couple, but I do think it is fine to do so as weddings are so difficult to sort the guest lists of. I have been invited to the wedding of an old school friend without my DH and it didn't worry either of us (she did apologise and say it was due to the tiny venue). Equally I have been invited to weddings of my DH's friends I barely know and felt a bit bad I was taking up a space on their guest list (although had a lovely time). I really would just let this pass, it is probably not personal but due to venue capacity.

See, this is why if I ever get married I will do it in my lunch break at the local town hall and just go for drinks afterwards.

None of this shit is worth it.

I disagree. To some weddings you go, because you feel like you have to. Same with hen dos etc.

@35965a

ive never been to a boring wedding
chance to get dressed up, lots of booze, lots of food, dancing etc
deffo not boring

@xogossipgirlxo

well don’t go then if you don’t wanna go

Thank you for your permission. Good to know.

@xogossipgirlxo

well don’t go then if you don’t wanna go

still doesn’t mean it wasn’t a privilege to be invited

We have an investigation on OP's relationship beginning.

Bullying?

Christ almighty - how do you cope in the real world?

We ve both been invited to work colleagues weddings without our partner, makes total sense to me, why would i want to go when Id know not a soul bar DP, nevermind the expense of attending a wedding of people i dont know at all. I have been invited to weddings of his friendsds but told him im happy for him to attend alone

@RosaBonheur well said totally agree,

You may consider yourself joined at the hip to your spouse or partner, and would never consider stirring outside the house without clutching them firmly by the hand, but other people haven't necessarily signed up to this, and may feel that as you're separate individuals they have separate relationships with (or indeed no relationship), they can invite one of you.

We got married with two witnesses, because I can't imagine spending time pondering wedding guest lists, but wouldn't necessarily have invited friends' spouses/partners we weren't also friends with. If I wouldn't invite you to a night out, because I don't know you, or don't like you why would I invite you to a wedding?

I would only not invite a long-term partner if it was a table of work colleagues who knew each other well. At our wedding, if we invited anyone who was single and didn’t know many people, we put ‘plus guest’ as we didn’t want them to feel alone.

We had very few wishes as bride and groom. But we wanted our guests to be comfortable and happy. I was genuinely grateful that people would take the time to attend. So we didn’t have a ‘dream expensive’ venue. But we chose somewhere with affordable accommodation, that was easy to get to etc and we also had local and cheap stag/hen dos. We very much wanted people we liked to attend, and have a good time there. We just wanted to be married. The Big Day was definitely not just about us. It was about our guests. Zero regrets.

OP I would say nothing and accept it. It is not something we would have done. But the modern thing is that it’s all about the bride and groom and they can do what they want.

You sound a nice type. All class.

Your posting history is interesting....

Why does preferring an invite to a wedding with your DH equal not being able to move without clutching their hand 24/7. Seems a bit extreme to compare the two.

I think its very odd and very ill mannered to invite only 1 half of a couple to a wedding (or any major event tbh). Makes no difference if they are married or not yet, they are a couple. Invite both or none.

All the worse when you actually know them for as long as you have too! Its just weird. Nothing says it more than, "come and celebrate our union and love for each other by leaving your significant other at home", does it?

Its got nothing about being entitled to attend someones wedding. Its just ill mannered.

As others have said, it depends on the context. I was invited to a wedding where my OH wasn't (we've been together over 15 years) and been annoyed by it because the friends in question knew him and other people's partners were invited, and it was quite far away so a lot of travelling when I can't drive. He's been to weddings I've not been invited to and I've been fine with it because it was all his old university hobby friends and I would have not known anyone and been bored stiff for several hours.

Someone commented it's a privilege to be invited to someone's wedding - personally I find them self-indulgent. You're told what to wear, what to eat and when, have to sit through tedious speeches, and often spend a lot of waiting around - there's not enough entertainment. They're boring. I've been to one good wedding, and that was because there were lots of people I was good friends with and we could have been anywhere and had the same experience.

I was extremely relieved during lockdown because we were uninvited to my cousin's weekday evening vegan wedding in a field (due to restricted numbers allowed) - my partner would have gone very hungry!!

We did that. Can confirm it was definitely the right choice

I have been invited to a friends wedding and my husband hasn't. I guess they are tight on numbers and they do t know my husband from Adam so I completely understand. Don't make a big deal out of it

My conservative Christian relative only invited me and not my now DH because of the 'no ring, no bring' thing. I was 7 months pregnant and attending would have involved travel and accommodation. I politely declined but I must admit it stung and I would have preferred not to recieve an invite at all.

When we got married we opted for a larger but cheaper venue than we originally planned in order to accommodate everyone that we wanted. There was no way we would cut corners and upset people we care about.

I see you’ve been asked multiple times but not responding on whether you’re good friends and socialise with them. You just keep doubling down on how long you’ve known them.

so I think I will assume the answer is no you are not and no you don’t.