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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

550 replies

username98765 · 31/03/2023 09:51

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

OP posts:
Tabitha888 · 31/03/2023 22:41

It's not about you it's there wedding

DannyZukosSmile · 01/04/2023 00:06

@RosaBonheur

Yeah it is rude.

Come and celebrate our relationship while we refuse to acknowledge yours, and expect you to travel on your own, stay in a hotel on your own, and have no partner to dance with.

Rude rude rude.

Exactly this. ^

I have noticed on this thread that some people seem very bothered and agitated, by couples who like to be together/spend time together/do stuff together. Like they're threatened by it, and jealous. Spouting comments like 'are you joined at the hip?' and 'can you not do ANYTHING without your husband then?' Mean-girl comments, that are oozing jealousy, spite, and bitterness.

Wfhandbored · 01/04/2023 07:23

Weddings are expensive. People pay for what numbers they can afford. It's their wedding, they invite who they want to take the places. We're going through this at the moment and it's really hard because whatever you do you're going to upset someone. We want to have our day but we can't afford to spend what it would cost to have EVERYONE included. It's reactions like some of those on here that makes it feel like we should just do it us two in a registry office because we can't have every single person in our lives there.

BurbageBrook · 01/04/2023 07:54

I think it's really rude. I had a small wedding but we chose to not invite some more distant friends and family rather than only invite one half of a couple. That would have mortified me.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 01/04/2023 08:15

Wfhandbored · 01/04/2023 07:23

Weddings are expensive. People pay for what numbers they can afford. It's their wedding, they invite who they want to take the places. We're going through this at the moment and it's really hard because whatever you do you're going to upset someone. We want to have our day but we can't afford to spend what it would cost to have EVERYONE included. It's reactions like some of those on here that makes it feel like we should just do it us two in a registry office because we can't have every single person in our lives there.

Rules of etiquette such as ‘you don’t invite half of an established couple’ are there to help you through this minefield.

PickledPurplePickle · 01/04/2023 08:16

YABU they can invite who they like

Phos · 01/04/2023 08:22

Congratulations OP, you've made The Sun.

Polis · 01/04/2023 08:42

Weddings are expensive. People pay for what numbers they can afford. It's their wedding, they invite who they want to take the places

We did it the other way round. Made a list of who we wanted to invite first, rather than start with a number of places to fill. As we didn’t have bottomless pockets it did influence the style of wedding reception we had. We went DIY and didn’t use a set price per place package from a venue.

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/04/2023 08:52

username98765 · 31/03/2023 13:52

If we ever did get married (he's not keen probably for this reason!!) We won't be inviting either or them!!

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@username98765 how petty of you op

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/04/2023 08:57

I think a lot of people on here just look for any possible excuse - no matter how small or insignificant or ridiculous - in order to not go to a wedding cos they hate social events and would much rather be tucked up every night with pjs and hot choc ‘just me and my little faaaaaamily’!

if so - that’s fine. Just own it. Don’t try and blame it on the bride and groom (or mainly the bride given the insults hurled around here at the bride in OP’s situation “bitch” “bridezilla” etc)

it’s just not cool

Ktime · 01/04/2023 08:59

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/04/2023 08:52

@username98765 how petty of you op

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So it’s fine for them to exclude OP (who they have known longer than her partner), but not ok for her to exclude them? Makes total sense.

melj1213 · 01/04/2023 08:59

Tbh whilst nobody is obliged to invite anyone to any event I do find it ironic that people want to celebrate the official union of their partnership by inviting just one half of a couple.

I think there are some circumstances when it is acceptable - if the bride and groom don't know the partner or if the person is being invited solo but part of a group (eg "work mates"/"uni friends" etc) - but otherwise a couple should be classed as one unit for the purposes of an invite to a wedding.

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/04/2023 09:04

Ktime · 01/04/2023 08:59

So it’s fine for them to exclude OP (who they have known longer than her partner), but not ok for her to exclude them? Makes total sense.

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@Ktime

it’s petty of op cos she would be doing that very much in retaliation to make a point

whereas her lack of wedding invite is probably due to lack of funds, limits to how many guests you can have etc

GeekyThings · 01/04/2023 09:12

I think whether you're being unreasonable or not depends upon a few things that you haven't really clarified - like how close your partner is with them, how he knows them (is it work mates, pub mates, best mates?), how close you are to your cousin who dated the groom, how comfortable both the bride and groom are with you because of your relationship to your cousin, size of wedding, whether any other friends of yours are going or whether it's friends of your husband's and the groom, etc etc.

It's not as simple as you should or shouldn't get an invitation, because it depends upon a lot of things. Although in all fairness if they haven't invited you because they think your relationship with your cousin means that's inappropriate then they should probably leave your partner out too. If it's that your partner is more their friend, but not a close one, then I would think of him as an extra to fill out seats.

It does strike me though - you're not married, are you? I remember when I wasn't and lived with partners that sometimes people didn't include them (or me) on invitations because we weren't considered a couple couple. Old-fashioned, I know, but it could be another factor involved!

Ktime · 01/04/2023 09:13

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/04/2023 09:04

@Ktime

it’s petty of op cos she would be doing that very much in retaliation to make a point

whereas her lack of wedding invite is probably due to lack of funds, limits to how many guests you can have etc

Show quote history

It’s not petty not to invite someone who doesn’t invite you. It’s reaping what you sow,

RobinWoodPrinceofLeaves · 01/04/2023 09:18

Maybe they are trying to save money by inviting only those they know and like. Weddings can be expensive. I would try not to take it personally.

slowquickstep · 01/04/2023 09:22

Some people have no manners.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 01/04/2023 09:57

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/04/2023 09:04

@Ktime

it’s petty of op cos she would be doing that very much in retaliation to make a point

whereas her lack of wedding invite is probably due to lack of funds, limits to how many guests you can have etc

Show quote history

Nobody has infinite funds or infinite guests and the couple have demonstrated that they don’t think much of the OP (no invitation) or her partner, whom they only seem to have invited after someone else declined - hence the out of date RSVP.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 01/04/2023 09:58

RobinWoodPrinceofLeaves · 01/04/2023 09:18

Maybe they are trying to save money by inviting only those they know and like. Weddings can be expensive. I would try not to take it personally.

Know and like

but don’t take it personally. Ha ha!

Jonei · 01/04/2023 10:10

If they can't afford a big wedding, maybe they should have a smaller one. Because, clearly some people do mind when their partner is left off the invite, especially if the couple to be knows the partner well too. Alienating many of your friends and family isn't a great start is it.

SharonKaren · 01/04/2023 10:33

It's really ridiculous to invite one half of a couple. Just don't invite either if you can't afford both, then save money that way. At least then the friendship isn't affected.

Ratataty · 01/04/2023 12:12

Derbee · 31/03/2023 14:45

That’s outrageously rude though. People are entitled to their own rules for their wedding, but inviting one sibling out of three is rude, however you play it.

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Surely if they don't mean it rudely and I don't take it as rude, then it's not rude. Bit rude of you to assume you are the authority on rudeness, ..... or is it? Perhaps that's my perception and I have no business telling others what they should find rude.

Incidentally my other 2 kids are younger and they aren't offended either. In fact they are quite delighted not to have to attend a boring adult event (as I am).

SharonKaren · 01/04/2023 12:32

Sorry I think it's rude too...

Ratataty · 01/04/2023 13:12

SharonKaren · 01/04/2023 12:32

Sorry I think it's rude too...

Why sorry? Not sure you got my point, someone else thinking my experience is rude does not make me wrong for not thinking it is. Even if it's 10 to 1. Obviously some people think it's rude, that's what this thread has been about, some don't. I don't. In fact the truth is I was actually touched that in a small wedding my DH and DC were important enough to be invited.
This thread is now in the nationals and I'm not the OP so my bit has been said and done, I'm not going to derail. If you find it rude and upsetting then it is for you, no one's experience is any less valid, OP just asked 'who does it', I answered with my experience, the emotional reaction to it is individual perception.

VWHoliday · 01/04/2023 15:51

Tellmethespoiler · 31/03/2023 18:34

I think it’s fine to just ask one half of a couple. In fact, it’s more odd to invite both from a couple if you don’t know them both. It’s very odd to ask people to a wedding who you don’t know or barely know.

It really isn't odd if it's a guests DH or DW or DP.