Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

[username98765]

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

I got married quite young with a tight budget and had a work colleagues table that I didn't invite +1s for. I'd never met their partners so I didn't think it mattered. Later on I did feel a bit bad about it as I hadn't intended to be rude. I didn't have much experience of going to weddings as I am from a small family.

It's weird given that you know them though.

@RaraRachael I was also at that wedding or maybe other people have done the same thing of mixing up their guests and splitting couples. At the time, I had a wrist injury so found I needed to ask a stranger rather than my DH to cut up my meal for me!

@Flyinggeesei234 But where?
I'm in the wedding industry, have been for 35years in the uk. Never heard it in my life. Asked some colleagues who have never heard it either except one, in their 30's who said it was only from about 5-10 years ago (in the uk) .

I think this is fine if they're invited as part of a group of people who all know each other.

@KillingLoneliness

Because we like to be together, it’s how we’ve always done things and we don’t do well at social events alone. I’d be very upset if my family or close friends were getting married and didn’t think to invite him so I’d rather not go.
We do do our own thing sometimes but not often as we prefer to spend our time together.

I don’t understand how people function like this. It sounds unbelievably stifling the idea of not being able to cope socially without your partner.

I think it’s fine to just ask one half of a couple. In fact, it’s more odd to invite both from a couple if you don’t know them both. It’s very odd to ask people to a wedding who you don’t know or barely know.

@Thepeopleversuswork as I said in a later post myself and my DH are both ND, neither of us cope well in social situations and we never have, we also met when we were teens so we grew into adulthood together.
We make each other feel safe and comfortable and truly enjoy being with one another.

I think it's very rude, given that you do actually know the couple getting married. If you didn't, and only your DP knew them (work colleague for example), I think it's OK, but when you a DP both know them, and only he's invited, it's just bad manners.

@Apairofsparklingeyes it's such a weird idea to split couples up. How awful for you to have to do that!

I'm bad enough socially at a wedding with OH (thankfully he loves talking to people). so I'd have felt like running for the hills if that had happened to me.

My husband's cousin invited no partners at all to their wedding - so I wasn't invited of course. It was very odd and definitely not the way I would ever go about things, but I wasn't particularly annoyed as I barely know them and it's their decision/choice.

My husband and many other guests declined their invitations, so eventually the couple made a last minute scramble to invite previously uninvited partners cause they realised not many people were actually going to turn up! 😳

So do I now. There were difficult personal circumstances at the time so I didn't want to create waves but if it was now, I wouldn't bother my ass. And yes, H can be a twat!! I quit making any effort after that. If I see her. I'm civil. Haven't seen for years now though.

Last time I was in her house, she scolded one of my kids (grown up but all the same) because when they sat down in an armchair, her mobile that she's left on the back of it fell, and she created a whole drama in case it was broken. I don't know why I didn't walk then!!

The rest went a couple of years after (funny, I was working!!) - over 70 miles to get there. They brought some buns etc. Arrived at the appointed time - to be told she had a nail appt in an hour, and while she made hot drinks, the only food they ate was what they brought!!

Will be a frosty day etc...

Yanbu

The wedding is the beginning of May so I'm thinking it was a late invite anyway.

Normal amount of notice for a wedding invite. Given you say they have lots of rules in place, I imagine they haven’t invited unmarried partners and only invited the one they consider a friend out of a couple which is also normal etiquette.

I don’t understand the whole issue about both people in a relationship having to attend certain events together but as long as both you and your partner have the same opinion on this, it’s surely an obvious decision to just politely decline. It is still normal to send a gift though.

rsvp was 24th March!!

Actually I did this. We got married on a bit of a budget while I was on maternity leave, I wanted to invite my uni friends, but couldn’t stretch to partners. I thought they’d probably all be quite happy to come solo but together, so explained on the group WhatsApp that I was inviting them all, partners could come to the evening do if they liked, but I really couldn’t afford day invites for other halves too and stressed multiple times that I didn’t mean any offence and hoped they didn’t take it that way. They all came, had a nice time and didn’t seem peeved!

Which is normal. They need to know how many people have accepted with amble time to let the caterers know. As you don’t seem to believe me, Google it and you will find normal wedding etiquette is for wedding invites to go out six to eight weeks beforehand (and unmarried partners don’t get an invite).

This is ridiculously outdated though.

If unmarried partners didn't get an invitation then the first wedding they'd attend together as a couple would be their own.

We sent our invitations out three months in advance and we were being nagged to do it by all kinds of people who thought we were leaving it to the last minute. If people need to book travel and accommodation and maybe annual leave and childcare then 6 weeks isn't very much notice at all.

@TheSnowyOwl agreed but the invite only came yesterday!

Yanbu it is rude but sadly it does happen. i just think you either have to extend a plus one to everyone or you don’t. When couples pick and choose within a friendship group, it is bound to get peoples back up.

I'm so sick of people saying 'you're not entitled to....'. No. No one is entitled to an invitation. People aren't entitled to being spoken to in a civil manner. We aren't entitled to being greeted nicely or welcomed when we arrive somewhere. We aren't entitled to being offered a cup of tea. Why are people living with such low expectations of social interactions? Raise the bar. I expect to be treated with respect and kindness and I do my best to treat others similarly. If not, I really haven't got time for people and I wouldn't expect my partner to have time for rude arses either.

What even is a 'partner' though? DS had partners at school. Aka 'the girl he last had sex with'. No way would I invite a young partner, a short term partner of any age or someone I have never met. When I look at the photos in 30 years I want to still know the vast majority of the people.
Also it is absolutely pathetic that because someone doesn't enjoy attending events alone, their partner needs to be be invited by default.

My sibling’s partner has been invited to a wedding. My sibling hasn’t been invited. She actually doesn’t mind but I find it odd.

My sibling and partner are themselves getting married and are inviting the couple. They wouldn’t dream of leaving one of them out.

OP YANBU!!

Why on Earth would they not invite the other half of a couple!

It's like they're using their position as a way of flexing - probably the only time in their life they'll get to do that. But for that they sound awful!

Some people choose not to invite partners, usually due to costs or venue size. We usually get invited as a couple but there's been some weddings that we've been invited to as individuals. It's not too unusual.

Ah ok, must be the area of Ireland I'm from but I genuinely had never heard of this