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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be struggling to accept my new life

466 replies

Dreamegg · 31/03/2023 07:38

I used to have a great life. I've studied and lived/worked abroad, travelled, had great friends. A successful career. I love being outdoors, cycling, hiking etc and I used to be out doing things all the time. Then I lost my job. I had to leave my lovely apartment and had to take a job back in London.

I've been back for 5 years now. I'm 36. For 3 years I've been living in a tiny, grotty flat with my partner next to a busy, loud and polluted main road, which has brought my childhood asthma back. I spend 20+ hours a day in my bedroom (I work remotely 4/5 days a week). I never get space or time to myself - my partner is always at home too. I can't afford to move. In fact I can't afford anything these days. I can't afford to retrain, and don't have the energy. I have no hobbies anymore - I can't do the things I enjoy here (eg. I can't have a bike as i have no space to store it). I'm constantly having to pick up side jobs to pay for unexpected bills or expenses. I have no friends. I'll never have kids.

Life is meant to progress and get better, but I feel like mine is going the opposite way and I'm struggling to accept it. Any advice?

OP posts:
YouSeenMyMarbles · 06/04/2023 22:55

That's a very strong opinion. We're here to support each other on this thread, not knock each other down. What's made you come on here and throw stones at her? Do you not think she has enough on her plate? You know her personally then? Do you know the stress she is feeling right now? People like you shouldnt be allowed to comment - you dont have the emotional intelligence to contribute positively to the conversation

YouSeenMyMarbles · 06/04/2023 23:00

Fancy not saying THANKS you very ungrateful person you 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 Im so offended you said THANKS to her and not me - you very ungrateful person you 😂🤣😂🤣😂

Pipsquiggle · 07/04/2023 08:55

@Dreamegg

Why are you considering Leeds when you have said you HAD to be near your DM as she's really struggling?

We have repeatedly asked where your DM lives but you haven't answered. We've also asked how often you physically go to visit her - 5 times a week or once a month......... ?

What's the point of thinking about Leeds if your DM lives in Kent, you visit her 5 times a week and you work at London Bridge?

If you actually told us some relevant geographical information to your scenario, the responses on this thread would be so much more valuable.

I can't believe you have lived your 'new' life for 5 years when all you have to do is give notice to your landlord.

Let's see if @Dreamegg actually answers any of the above. I bet she won't.

UniversalMamma · 07/04/2023 12:55

Pipsquiggle · 07/04/2023 08:55

@Dreamegg

Why are you considering Leeds when you have said you HAD to be near your DM as she's really struggling?

We have repeatedly asked where your DM lives but you haven't answered. We've also asked how often you physically go to visit her - 5 times a week or once a month......... ?

What's the point of thinking about Leeds if your DM lives in Kent, you visit her 5 times a week and you work at London Bridge?

If you actually told us some relevant geographical information to your scenario, the responses on this thread would be so much more valuable.

I can't believe you have lived your 'new' life for 5 years when all you have to do is give notice to your landlord.

Let's see if @Dreamegg actually answers any of the above. I bet she won't.

What’s your problem, it doesn’t actually affect you you know

Talk about overinvested

Lizzy53 · 07/04/2023 14:26

I just hope things work out for you Dreamegg.

Pipsquiggle · 07/04/2023 15:47

UniversalMamma · 07/04/2023 12:55

What’s your problem, it doesn’t actually affect you you know

Talk about overinvested

Show quote history

@UniversalMamma

Because she asks for advice but doesn't answer really basic and fundamental questions to her issue.
We're 19 pages in and still don't know where she used to live that she loved and where her mum lives.

Maybe there should be a 'moaning' board where posters could just vent and no one responds.

I find it annoying as so many people, including me, have been where she is and we could genuinely give better advice if she gave some non-outing info.

Like others, I do believe she's a poster who pops up every few months with an iteration of this theme and does nothing about it

UniversalMamma · 07/04/2023 16:50

Pipsquiggle · 07/04/2023 15:47

@UniversalMamma

Because she asks for advice but doesn't answer really basic and fundamental questions to her issue.
We're 19 pages in and still don't know where she used to live that she loved and where her mum lives.

Maybe there should be a 'moaning' board where posters could just vent and no one responds.

I find it annoying as so many people, including me, have been where she is and we could genuinely give better advice if she gave some non-outing info.

Like others, I do believe she's a poster who pops up every few months with an iteration of this theme and does nothing about it

Show quote history

To all of that: so what?

She may be reading it and finding it really useful.

I’ve commented on a zillion threads and don’t get all angry and entitled if I don’t get an update from the OP. If I’ve shared some advice I just hope it’s useful and move on. If there’s an update great, if not no worries.

This bit did make me laugh:

We're 19 pages in and still don't know where she used to live that she loved and where her mum lives. The audacity! 🫢😅

OP doesn’t owe you anything

Pipsquiggle · 07/04/2023 17:12

@UniversalMamma

Fair point.

I just think Mumsnet is a great resource and the more info you put in the better the quality of responses.

Obviously wouldn't want people to 'out' themselves if they didn't want to but don't think OP's scenario is particularly delicate.

JamSandle · 07/04/2023 18:10

Pipsquiggle · 07/04/2023 15:47

@UniversalMamma

Because she asks for advice but doesn't answer really basic and fundamental questions to her issue.
We're 19 pages in and still don't know where she used to live that she loved and where her mum lives.

Maybe there should be a 'moaning' board where posters could just vent and no one responds.

I find it annoying as so many people, including me, have been where she is and we could genuinely give better advice if she gave some non-outing info.

Like others, I do believe she's a poster who pops up every few months with an iteration of this theme and does nothing about it

Show quote history

You really ought to not get so invested. You don't know anyone on here.

postop · 08/04/2023 05:31

Tube lines extend a long way out of London.
The Elisabeth line goes all the way to Reading.
In your position I would look at moving as far out as possible and finding a sheltered flat for your mum nearby.

Sumthingsweet · 09/04/2023 22:13

Agree wish mumsnet would remove the notifications - not investing anymore time in this poster - bleating on and feeling sorry for self yet doing nothing about it

Sumthingsweet · 09/04/2023 22:14

Universal mamma is quite right - I’m with you rather have a nice cup of tea thank waste time here night

UniversalMamma · 09/04/2023 22:15

Sumthingsweet · 09/04/2023 22:13

Agree wish mumsnet would remove the notifications - not investing anymore time in this poster - bleating on and feeling sorry for self yet doing nothing about it

You can just unfollow the thread

Sumthingsweet · 09/04/2023 22:17

No one’s invested - of all the things mumsnet last thing would invest in sorry had to add this

TheKobayashiMaru · 10/04/2023 14:24

Because she asks for advice but doesn't answer really basic and fundamental questions to her issue.

She can't or I suspect she is shown to be the MNer outed a few days ago

Complexneedsmum · 15/05/2023 17:17

Sounds grim, no wonder you’re not happy. You can make changes though - you’re not stuck, you just feel you are. Apply for other jobs outside London or a fully remote job and move somewhere cheaper and less polluted. Sadly we had to leave our life quickly because of my sons medical condition and we found it hard too, but slowly getting there, one step at a time

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