Page 17 | To be struggling to accept my new life

Sparks240v · 02/04/2023 12:25

Sumthingsweet · 02/04/2023 03:05

Someone said once if you look at your attitude you are exactly where you should be - I’ve found this to be true .

Spot on!

Aturnipforthebooks · 02/04/2023 12:31

What industry are you in, op?

PlainJanePerfect · 02/04/2023 13:09

Something like this might help with the bike

www.bicycleretailer.com/new-products/2022/12/21/delta-launches-new-vertical-freestanding-bike-and-e-bike-storage-rack

ChilledBeez · 02/04/2023 13:31

I moved North and it was the best decision I have ever made. Don't think you can get homes cheap in nice areas. That is just a fallacy. If you offered me a beautiful house in London for free I would not accept it. It's become a foul place to live. Grossly overpriced housing as the demand is sky high from original inhabitants. Sadly, we have a government that does not think of the needs of city dwellers and just keep cramming people in. Move sooner rather than later. 5 years is a long time to have been living in those conditions. Who knows, you may even have children when you move on to a nicer aread. You are still young enough to have children but your current mindset and situation will not allow it.

Villssev · 02/04/2023 14:57

@ChilledBeez she doesn’t live in London

Original poster

Dreamegg · 02/04/2023 15:43

Where did you move to @ChilledBeez?

OP posts:

Chevybaby · 02/04/2023 19:19

Have you considered a degree apprenticeship in finance in Glasgow or Edinburgh? Or similar trainee scheme? You can be paid to re train in a different sector. Glasgow has huge offices opening for Barclays and I think Morgan Stanley so there are these enormous recruitment drives right now . I believe the starting salaries are 24k which is a drop but depending on the department it wouldnt be long before you’d be back up to 38k and that sort of money would go a lot further up here than down south.

Rent here is significantly cheaper than SE and spacious tenement flats are pretty bog standard. They can be draughty if not well insulated but there is always room for a bike. From central Glasgow on the train you can be pretty rural (cycling/hiking/surfing) within 25 minutes.

I totally get it about your mother, not entirely dissimilar situation for me. But Glasgow and Edinburgh are 1 hour flights from London and super cheap if you book in advance so you could visit one and other very regularly.

This is just one rough plan, obviously it might not be the right one for you but I just hope you know that it can and will turn around. It doesn’t sound like your mental health is too good and no wonder, that’s a huge change in lifestyle in a short space of time and your mums situation sounds like it’s probably pretty worrying. I hope you find someting to feel positive about soon.

MorganKitten · 02/04/2023 19:56

I’m central London and get the hire bikes all the time.

FacebookFun · 02/04/2023 20:11

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

freyamay74 · 02/04/2023 20:25

Tell us what the job is so we can advise how you can transfer your skills to something better paid

Dixiechickonhols · 02/04/2023 21:07

£20,000 is min wage so it’s unlikely it would pay that in the regions even if it’s a low paid sector as it sounds like a time you need qualifications and experience for.
I’d sign up for job alerts anywhere in country and see what is out there.

Serrina · 02/04/2023 22:28

Dreamegg · 31/03/2023 07:38

I used to have a great life. I've studied and lived/worked abroad, travelled, had great friends. A successful career. I love being outdoors, cycling, hiking etc and I used to be out doing things all the time. Then I lost my job. I had to leave my lovely apartment and had to take a job back in London.

I've been back for 5 years now. I'm 36. For 3 years I've been living in a tiny, grotty flat with my partner next to a busy, loud and polluted main road, which has brought my childhood asthma back. I spend 20+ hours a day in my bedroom (I work remotely 4/5 days a week). I never get space or time to myself - my partner is always at home too. I can't afford to move. In fact I can't afford anything these days. I can't afford to retrain, and don't have the energy. I have no hobbies anymore - I can't do the things I enjoy here (eg. I can't have a bike as i have no space to store it). I'm constantly having to pick up side jobs to pay for unexpected bills or expenses. I have no friends. I'll never have kids.

Life is meant to progress and get better, but I feel like mine is going the opposite way and I'm struggling to accept it. Any advice?

If your friends deserted you because your situation changed, they were never friends to begin with.

TEEJAY88 · 03/04/2023 05:13

Have a baby, the rest will work itself out. Necessity is the mother of ALL invention. You can climb all the mountains and travel the world all you want. It never replaces why you're really on the Earth! To procreate. ''Where there's a will there's a way!''

emptythelitterbox · 03/04/2023 05:49

What kind of wage is your partner on?

usernamealreadytaken · 03/04/2023 08:24

I feel for you, it's hard when things feel hopeless @Dreamegg.

You've shared your salary, but it might help if you share your partner's salary and the areas you and DM live in - it sounds unlikely to have to pay £60-70 for a return journey to London if you live in the London suburbs. The power of MN might be able to suggest better areas with easier travel and more outdoor space, with reasonable housing costs!

Good luck x

Aturnipforthebooks · 03/04/2023 08:46

TEEJAY88 · 03/04/2023 05:13

Have a baby, the rest will work itself out. Necessity is the mother of ALL invention. You can climb all the mountains and travel the world all you want. It never replaces why you're really on the Earth! To procreate. ''Where there's a will there's a way!''

Depressed? Living in a bad area? Feel you don't have enough money? Caring for a parent? Forget about it all and have a baby.

MissNik7 · 03/04/2023 08:50

Do you have kids the post doesn't say? If not your life could change easily if you took a leap of faith. I was stuck in an unhappy job and relationship so I broke up with the man gave up my job and went travelling for a year. Life can be improved with or without kids, but when you have children that rely upon you we stay stuck for them, but it sounds like you could change things if you really wanted to. My advice save enough to get a plane ticket out of there. You could get a job somewhere else whilst travelling you never know what could change.

ohthatmissmith · 03/04/2023 10:54

Please move. For your physical and mental health's sake. London is not what it was, and life is much better outside of it. You will feel you can breathe again, in every sense. Lots of market towns that have good links to London if you need to be there one or two days a week, but probably better to find a job somewhere where you both know you can make a life for yourselves and put down some roots. And grow.

shutthewindownow · 03/04/2023 11:33

TEEJAY88 · 03/04/2023 05:13

Have a baby, the rest will work itself out. Necessity is the mother of ALL invention. You can climb all the mountains and travel the world all you want. It never replaces why you're really on the Earth! To procreate. ''Where there's a will there's a way!''

Do not listen to this. You need to be happy and settled before you have a baby or you will feel much much worse. Focus on changing your life and moving area there are plenty of cheaper quieter places with good links to London it is possible to do

ChilledBeez · 03/04/2023 13:20

Small town close to Leeds so I still have the hustle and bustle of a large city but can retreat back when it gets too much. I think it's an age thing. I just adored living in a big city but I can't bear to live in one again. Children are so much happier and the outdoor spaces are amazing.

Mandyjack · 03/04/2023 13:23

If you've got a job where yon work remotely most of the time why do you need to live in London? Move somewhere out of London with cheaper rent where can return to your old life. Not sure why you are in the bedroom 20yrs either? Even if you worked 8hrs and slept 8hrs that 16hrs?

inneedofcrisps · 03/04/2023 16:38

I don't think people have read the thread:

OP works in London but doesn't live there

OP would like to be near a parent who lives in the South East. Not further than an hour away

Shoemadlady · 03/04/2023 22:11

Check out free cycle for a free or cheap bike. You can buy big clips that go on a wall and just hook it up high out of your way.
Have you been to your local housing office or citizens advice? You may be able to get on a waiting list for a council or private housing association property. X

Sumthingsweet · 04/04/2023 00:52

Dreameg - you have been offered some great advice here and you have only responded to factual questions - yet your post is very emotion driven . I find it interesting that all these people have invested so much thought in trying to help you and the advice they have given might be harsh but you need to hear it . Ask yourself if you had a friend who was asking you the same question and presented with the same issue what would you advise ? Know when you are lucky , count your blessings and realize that if the whole world threw their problems into a bowl you’d prob beg to have your problems back . You do have more than most but you just can’t see it . Change your attitude ? Are you listening to the posters , I mean really listening . Look , there’s something to be learned from everyone and I also feel that there is so much great advice and real talk in this thread . Take it on board . You asked for advice you heard about other people in similar situations but you now need to take this advice and move on.

Pipsquiggle · 04/04/2023 07:27

She won't get better advice until she tells us

Where her DM lives
How often does she visits her DM
Where her office is in London