AIBU to be a bit fed up of planning everything around a friends toddlers nap?

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So our friend has 1 DS age 19 months. We have two DDs age 2 and 6. They have made it so their child can only sleep in his cot in the pitch black silence.

I do understand everyone does their own thing… but I find it quite often frustrating. I probably feel this way because I didn’t plan anything around either of my DCs naps. They slept wherever we were.

AIBU to feel slightly fed up we can never plan a whole day somewhere because of it? I think it would be different if we lived locally or doing park trips but they live about 1 hour 30 from us so going all that way to be told at 12:30 we have to leave as he needs a nap is a bit annoying. (No one allowed in the house whilst he’s sleeping).

Maybe time to just accept right now we can’t do too much together until the time when their child stops sleeping in the day?!

Getting my child to nap is a battle at the best of times. He will not sleep anywhere else and I don't give a shiney shite who that upsets. We've finally gotten a routine that works for us, so that we aren't dealing with a screaming child. If anyone can't understand that then they are welcome to deal with said screaming toddler. They won't be asking me to miss nap time every again 🤣

LOL it's nap time I hated missing out on! Needed that downtime after being on the go all morning with DD, and it was the only way I ever got things done. She kept naps until 4!

How do people maintain a strict nap routine if they have an older child ?

God I remember this. I did a baby massage class with ds1 and the group got into the habit of arranging our own meet-ups after the class finished. There were two moms on the group who were obsessed with the nap schedule and any meet up had to accommodate that or they would get upset and hurt with comments like ' can we not just agree a time that works for all of us' having rejected 12 previous suggestions due to nap and travel to and from suggested venue.
In the end someone set up a separate group for everyone else and we had meet-ups more often in the middle of the day without them getting upset.
It's fine to have rigid naps, it's not fine for o expect the rest of the world to work around said ridged naos..

It's fine to have rigid naps, it's not fine for o expect the rest of the world to work around said ridged naos..
That's how I always felt about it.

Everyone does what they have to and what works for them with their babies, but not everyone expects all their friends, family (and their children) to always cater to one child's nap schedule.

Why are you "expected" to go? Just say that doesn't work for you and making your kids travel for 3 hours is not in their interest. Honestly, she probably is just faking her enthusiasm because she thinks she has to maintain the friendship but has no real interest. She's just not that into you!

Off topic on a silly note, it reminds me of dog owners with reactive dogs who like to tell everyone who'll listen that their dog is reactive, and their dog needs A,B,C and everyone on earth should avoid doing simple daily life things because their dogis the first dog to have walked the earth.

If there's anything that makes me feel old@LolaSmiles , it's not the changes in patenting. When I became a grandmother, I made sure I was up to date on today's parenting guidance etc, and yep, fine, whatever, things change. Cool.
It's dog ownership. FFS. 'In my day' we just had dogs. We didn't parent them, they were dogs, and we treated them as (loved) animals. They weren't babies who needed a dozen different outfits, who couldn't be left for more than three hours EVER and who everything should revolve around. Dog 'parents' (and who call themselves that) do my head in.

Sorry. That's going to lead to a threadjack I know, and everyone will be after my guts.

It is unreasonable of your friend to ask you to travel all that way and then impose such demands.

However both my children were/are terrible sleepers night & day. Even a pitch black room wouldn't cut it for naps, just constant motion in the car or pushchair. Car nap route was planned to avoid stopping at traffic lights! Around 19 months we had to stick to the schedule to ensure the nap was complete before 2pm or we'd be looking at a terrible night of wakings.

On the plus side ours both dropped naps at 2 years old so if your friend's child is the same, they might be more available soon.

OP - to help - if you are of the opinion her way of raising her child is inferior to yours, or that she’s wrong to refuse to drive her child to you / half way until they’ve dropped naps, then you are in the wrong/not being supportive/not getting what it’s like to have a high needs (magic no sleep) baby.

however, if you are of the opinion it’s too far for your dcs to travel regularly and too far for a short visit, then that’s perfectly reasonable for you to say.

if you then are saying it’s too far for your kids for a short visit so she must either change her routine or come to you, also unreasonable.

the reasonable thing is to say it doesn’t work for your kids even if she’d like it to. So other options are 1) you and your friend meet up without kids or 2) she comes to your house alone or 3) you go to her house alone.

you and her both want to get together with your children but there is no way to do that that works for the children so dump that idea.

say no, offer child-free options. Accept if she won’t see you without her and your children getting together then this friendship will have to be parked for a couple of years.