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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner wants to go to Amsterdam .. history of cheating

251 replies

00621644B · 30/03/2023 09:27

Keep it brief. Been with partner for 4 years. We split a couple of years ago as I suspected cheating, he ended it, then confesses to big scale infidelity. Mostly with sex workers .

He spent time alone said he wanted to be sure he could treat me right and 18 months ago he asked to give it another go. Moved in with me . Last October I found out he cheated when I was away on a family holiday (he didn't come as he had no annual leave left) again with a sex worker. There's been in December him registering with adult work. Doing stuff on babestation too. Internet searches for escorts in the area.

A while ago his brother suggested a weekend to Amsterdam. I said I wasn't comfortable him going and why. We argued over it. He was very angry I didn't trust him.. that he felt he had no freedom no life if he couldn't go away with his mates. Then the October cheating happened and he stopped mentioning this trip. Now a friend has asked him. This morning I again Said no I not happy and I think its outrageous you would even ask or consider it. He's gone to the gym now but he's a sulker and I can tell this will.come up when he returns home. Its very much stamps foot its not fair my life is over all the other boys mummy's say they can boo hoo.

Next year there's most likely q stag to Vegas coming up, obviously I wouldn't expect him not to go and would suck it up. But again sex workers are ten a penny there and he's been before yrs ago and went down that road. His argument is he's been to dam 3 times and never used an escort or worker in the red light district. To be fair his use of them could happen here after a night out.

How do I approach and handle this now

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 30/03/2023 09:29

Why are you still with him? He sounds a keeper (not)

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 30/03/2023 09:30

Well you don't trust him so I'm not sure why you're with him.

There's a chance he could cheat anywhere (although I get why you're more worried when he goes to certain places).

You shouldn't have to worry every time he goes out but he should be allowed to do what he wants too.

Is it really worth the stress?

MoggyMittens23 · 30/03/2023 09:30

Why would you want to be with him anyway? Move on. Find a relationship where you don’t have to worry like this. Or be single.

JorisBonson · 30/03/2023 09:31

Amsterdam isn't the issue here. He is. Sounds like an absolute rotter, get rid.

ChickenDhansak82 · 30/03/2023 09:33

The biggest issue here is YOU!

FFS stand up for yourself! This man clearly doesn't respect you at all and has cheated on you multiple times!

Let him go to Amsterdam and end the relationship! There are far nicer men in the world and you are being treated like a doormat!

Sapphire387 · 30/03/2023 09:34

What kind of life is this, where you feel you have to restrict his access to opportunities to cheat in order to stop him cheating? What's so great about him anyway? Suggest you go and find someone decent who wouldn't cheat, even if the opportunity arose.

FrankColumbo · 30/03/2023 09:34

Why are you still with him? He thinks it's ok to buy women to use like pieces of meat, he repeatedly keeps doing it, he lies to you, and he sulks when you're not happy about it 😳

KimberleyClark · 30/03/2023 09:34

The brass neck of him being angry you don’t trust him when he has given you ample reason not to. Surely you can do better?

Cosyblankets · 30/03/2023 09:35

You handle it by walking away

AlexaFeedMyKids · 30/03/2023 09:35

Is this a joke? It must be! Amsterdam is the least of your worries.

GCAcademic · 30/03/2023 09:36

Of course he’s going to be hiring women to fuck, men like this don’t change. If you stay in a relationship with a sleezy POS it should be no surprise that you get what you’ve signed up for. What is the point of being with someone who you can only trust if you keep them under lock and key?

Seaitoverthere · 30/03/2023 09:37

I don’t think are going to get any responses other than why on earth are you still with him, which is a mystery to anyone on the outside of your relationship.

ThisIsWednesday · 30/03/2023 09:37

Mumsnet talk guidelines doesn't let you call posters eejits, right?

Okay OP. You're absolutely not a daft as a box of frogs to think that this guy is in any way attractive as a partner. He clearly cannot be trusted and is throwing a tantrum that you don't trust him? Smack yourself upside the head and move on.

TomatoSandwiches · 30/03/2023 09:37

Please, what is wrong with you, sorry to be harsh but wtf? Why are you even still wanting a relationship with someone like this.
Get some self respect and leave he will never be faithful or respectful to any woman in his entire life.

Good grief.

Mumski45 · 30/03/2023 09:37

You handle it by ending the relationship as you rightly don't trust him.

Paq · 30/03/2023 09:37

Why on earth are you with him????

Clymene · 30/03/2023 09:37

This is a joke, surely?

MistyFrequencies · 30/03/2023 09:38

Leave him. Hes cheated on you a lot already. Amsterdam isnt the issue. He is. Leave him.

PartingGift · 30/03/2023 09:38

So he's a sulky cock lodger who cheats and pays for sex?

What are his good qualities? Though I don't think any could outweigh his bad. Those are some pretty big deal breakers and you've already given him second and third chances.

LTB. He is not worth another minute of your time or energy.

SofiaSoFar · 30/03/2023 09:38

YABU for being with him at all.

There should be no such thing as a partner "with a history of cheating" because they should no longer be your partner if they have cheated.

abyssofwoah · 30/03/2023 09:38

How do I approach and handle this now

End it! Why the hell are you still with him? He’s made it perfectly clear that he’s not to be trusted. And happy to put you at risk of STDs

fruitbrewhaha · 30/03/2023 09:39

No, Jesus, if this is real you end it of course.

Kanaloa · 30/03/2023 09:39

I wouldn’t mind. Of course he’ll cheat in Amsterdam, but he’d cheat anywhere else too. He will cheat with sex workers or anyone else he can manage to convince, every place he goes from work on a Tuesday afternoon to an African safari holiday while you have a quick nap in the hotel room. Unless you do a misery on him and hobble him so he cannot leave the house, he will cheat on you. Don’t worry about it being in Amsterdam.

If you stay with a cheater you must resign yourself to a total lack of trust, and get regularly checked for STDs.

motherofcatsandbears · 30/03/2023 09:39

Why are you still with him? Is your self-esteem so low that you keep this cheating, lying excuse of a man in your life? You deserve better.

00621644B · 30/03/2023 09:40

For the posters asking. No not a joke. To be honest this probably is the end . The fact he knows why I am not happy with it but still pushes the idea and sulks like I am this awful harradian taking all his freedom away is deeply insulting. Without the rest of it. I am angry and fed up having the piss taken out of me.

Yes I lack confidence. My self esteem is on the floor and I have zero friends. I readily admit all that. That's a whole other post

OP posts:
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