Partner wants to go to Amsterdam .. history of cheating

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Keep it brief. Been with partner for 4 years. We split a couple of years ago as I suspected cheating, he ended it, then confesses to big scale infidelity. Mostly with sex workers .

He spent time alone said he wanted to be sure he could treat me right and 18 months ago he asked to give it another go. Moved in with me . Last October I found out he cheated when I was away on a family holiday (he didn't come as he had no annual leave left) again with a sex worker. There's been in December him registering with adult work. Doing stuff on babestation too. Internet searches for escorts in the area.

A while ago his brother suggested a weekend to Amsterdam. I said I wasn't comfortable him going and why. We argued over it. He was very angry I didn't trust him.. that he felt he had no freedom no life if he couldn't go away with his mates. Then the October cheating happened and he stopped mentioning this trip. Now a friend has asked him. This morning I again Said no I not happy and I think its outrageous you would even ask or consider it. He's gone to the gym now but he's a sulker and I can tell this will.come up when he returns home. Its very much stamps foot its not fair my life is over all the other boys mummy's say they can boo hoo.

Next year there's most likely q stag to Vegas coming up, obviously I wouldn't expect him not to go and would suck it up. But again sex workers are ten a penny there and he's been before yrs ago and went down that road. His argument is he's been to dam 3 times and never used an escort or worker in the red light district. To be fair his use of them could happen here after a night out.

How do I approach and handle this now

I guarantee that getting rid of this twat would do wonders for your self esteem in the long run.

Set him free. You don't need him. You could find a decent man, or just get a cat. Six-dinner Sid would be more loyal than he is.

He'll only stop cheating on you when you've binned him off. The Amsterdam thing is a red herring, he could cheat on you anytime he likes, probably without even leaving your home town.

Another LTB from me, I'm afraid.

So you divorced one dumpster fire to end up warming yourself next to another op

I'm sorry you feel you are only worth this treatment
You aren't his therapist this would take years to sort with one for him

Cut him loose and pick yourself up off the floor it can only get better

FFS dump him!

I left a shit husband when I was early thirties. I had two children, one severely disabled and entirely dependent. I rebuilt my life. It wasn’t effortless but we have a great life. I’m grateful for every day I’ve spent unburdened by that prick.

Please dump him OP.

This will NEVER get better. He won't change. So many people have been through things like this hoping that all the promises made will come true, but they won't.

You are just going to tie yourself up in knots wondering what he's up to and when.

I hope you're having regular STD tests after all these sex workers he's slept with.

The holidays are not the issue, but you know that. He went change, get rid or you're choosing a lifetime of unhappiness, you deserve much better than that.
It's for the best for him too. He doesn't like you (rightly) saying no, so then he can then do whatever he wants to without anyone to answer to like the big man he thinks he isand grow older gradually becoming sadder and lonelier as everyone leaves him to it

*won't change

Just dump his stupid useless arse. You'll feel much better.

He's cheated twice with zero consequences and no thought to your sexual health - "grand scale with multiple sex workers" is grim.
Would very much rather be totally on my own. He's not your friend or even thinks highly of you.
LTB

One friend stopped talking to me over him. Another friend isn't keen and doesn't keep in touch or wants to meet up as they don't like me being with him.

They had probably sussed him out and decided he was a waste of space. You you will do your self esteem no end of good if you dump him. Chances are your friends will be happy to hear from you when they know he is out of the picture.

The longer you stay with someone who has such little respect for you, the further your self confidence will drop. The first step towards building your self confidence is to cut loose that what is dragging you down.

I agree.

Do you trust him?

I hate it on this forum that everyone will reply Just Leave Him on any post to do with a boyfriend/husband......but I honestly can't understand why you're with this person. He has cheated on you multiple times and most likely will again. You don't trust him and trust is a huge part of a relationship.

What advise do you want here OP? Get some standards.

Look at the positives here op. Its your home and you have a family net work. Friends will come once you get your self esteem back, and I'm in no doubt that he is the reason for your low self esteem. You really would be better alone; with him you have a life of sex workers, drugs, stds, and stag weekends.

So he has cheated throughout your relationship. Really? Why are you bothering?

Yup, this

Why on earth are you still with him?? He's a serial cheat, who could have infected you with God knows what STDs, and you don't trust him. How can you bear to be with him?

Dump him and set your bar higher next time.

Is so quoting about him and start worrying about you. What do YOU want out of life? What would make YOU happy? Then do that.

But he's really not helping your low self-esteem - in fact, he's trampling it into the ground.

If you asked him to leave, I bet you'd be happier and more confident. Then you n can focus on finding out what you want, taking up a hobby, making friends, etc.

Gah, that should say 'I'd stop worrying about him'

This

He sounds like a lovely guy doing the shopping etc but you are worth so much more than how he's treating you, both in terms of the cheating, and acting like you're being his mum and not letting him go away. set yourself free, you don't deserve to be treated this way.

In a way he’s right, you are restricting him from doing what he wants.

So be nice and set him free.

You'll look back in a year or so and wonder how you ever got to this point. As soon as he’s gone you will gain some self esteem and I’m almost certain your friends and family will rally round.

Then have counselling and stay man free for a good long while.

I know a man like this and he's still acting this way at the age of 57 after treating every single girlfriend the same.