Partner wants to go to Amsterdam .. history of cheating

[00621644B]

Keep it brief. Been with partner for 4 years. We split a couple of years ago as I suspected cheating, he ended it, then confesses to big scale infidelity. Mostly with sex workers .

He spent time alone said he wanted to be sure he could treat me right and 18 months ago he asked to give it another go. Moved in with me . Last October I found out he cheated when I was away on a family holiday (he didn't come as he had no annual leave left) again with a sex worker. There's been in December him registering with adult work. Doing stuff on babestation too. Internet searches for escorts in the area.

A while ago his brother suggested a weekend to Amsterdam. I said I wasn't comfortable him going and why. We argued over it. He was very angry I didn't trust him.. that he felt he had no freedom no life if he couldn't go away with his mates. Then the October cheating happened and he stopped mentioning this trip. Now a friend has asked him. This morning I again Said no I not happy and I think its outrageous you would even ask or consider it. He's gone to the gym now but he's a sulker and I can tell this will.come up when he returns home. Its very much stamps foot its not fair my life is over all the other boys mummy's say they can boo hoo.

Next year there's most likely q stag to Vegas coming up, obviously I wouldn't expect him not to go and would suck it up. But again sex workers are ten a penny there and he's been before yrs ago and went down that road. His argument is he's been to dam 3 times and never used an escort or worker in the red light district. To be fair his use of them could happen here after a night out.

How do I approach and handle this now

Another one to ask why are you with him?

He won't have counselling even if you arrange it because he doesn't want to because he likes cheating and knows you will put up with it.

He is not nice, it is a facade, all an act, he is inherently selfish.

I'd rather be alone every night from now to my last than spend one hour with someone as morally corrupt as this guy.

Can I suggest you do the freedom programme? It's here: https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

That might be helpful to give you the courage to leave. You know this isn't a good relationship, but he's clearly led you to believe you're worth nothing more. You really are worth more. Start planning your departure in your mind, do the programme, then go. You won't regret it.

I'm confused. Why is he still your partner?
Pick your self esteem up off the floor and LTB before he comes home to you with some awful STD.
You deserve better.

Easy. Dump this bastard. He's ground you down enough.

he ended it, then confesses to big scale infidelity. Mostly with sex workers .

What on earth are you doing with him?

“He was very angry I didn’t trust him”.

Right… 😮

I suspect if you reach out to your friends who didn't approve of him and say you want to leave they will be delighted and supportive. And if they're not, I am sure there are other people out there that you will be able to befriend without this awful relationship dragging you down.

I suspect the nice side of him is just a front when he realises that he's pushed you too far - you'll probably see a lot of it if you initiate leaving but try to stay strong and remember all the times he has let you down before.

What are you thinking??

Seriously, he is taking the piss and you are letting him. He didnt want 18 months to be sure he wouldnt cheat, he spent 18 months doing whatever he liked while you hung around waiting and offered him a bed as soon as it suited him.

Seriously, what are you thinking? That he will become a prince? That's totally unrealistic. He cheats on you, dumps you and picks you up again when it suits. You can love him as much as you want he will still treat you and the next woman and the next like this.

You feel far more secure and happy if you dump this useless loser.

You can do better.

Wtf are you doing in this relationship OP?

He’s had a lot of chances and he doesn’t seem aware of the damage he’s done either.

I do wonder why you feel you should have to spend your life assessing this risk? You’ve said you’ve got low self esteem. The constant wondering really can’t be helping. That said, him using sex workers will be a lot more to do with him than you, honestly. Some of the best-looking, most desirable women in the world are with men who do this (remember Divine Brown?)

For some guys it’s an extension of a big night out, as you’ve said. For others, whether they’ve got partners or not, it’s just wrong. Him using their services doesn’t mean you’re lacking in any way, by the way, I hope you know that.

FWIW there are plenty of other men in the world who don’t employ sex workers whenever the notion comes over them, maybe it’d be worth giving one of them your time and attention?

I don't think I have ever said LTB but my god, please leave. You will end up with syphilis. Also, he can cheat anywhere and will, not just in Amsterdam.

You can make friends at any age. Trust me on that.

Yeah we don't have sex much at all. He has something of a death grip so is happy with hand relief mostly. Also I don't initiate sex at all anymore and deep down its down to the cheating. As I think i bet he wishes it was with an escort. He probably doesn't fancy me. I am probably boring. Things like that. So it's a catch 22. Maybe that's why he goes to them. As we don't have much of a sex life now.

Natural to wonder why he does it and whether it's to do with me.

You are definitely worth more than this situation and being so miserable. Let him go off to Amsterdam, don't even bother confirming that you're over. Work out what you've got to do, get organised, get out. Your life is none of his business.

This cannot be real.

I am also beginning to doubt if this is real...

And he goes to sex workers because he's a shit lover with no enjoyment in the emotional side of sex. There are far more capable men out there

I have asked him and he says he doesn't know. That he can't get an erection with tjem and it's about keeping the night going when he's drunk and done coke . Before he was with me he said it was loneliness and keeping the night going.. he has an addictive personality. Drink , drugs. Can be food sometimes. This all seems part of it.. he is obsessed with being liked. Wants to be the life and soul at all times . Has to be popular and fun. Alot of it a front. He's not abusive violent or controlling. If I ended it he would go with no issue. Its my house, we don't have shared assets. He wouldn't start being a nuisance I know he would accept it and be gone. he can't be happy with me to do this can he

This is real I wouldn't waste my morning writing this if it wasn't. If you doubt the post please by all means report it or better still scroll on by or hide it
Thanks

Ltb

You're never going to be able to trust him, why waste your life always worrying that he's cheating or will cheat again?! I do understand why Amsterdam is triggering you, but it doesn't seem to matter where he is 🤷‍♀️

I'm sorry, I'm sure this is awful for you and it's scary and sad to walk away from someone you love and are attached to. But I think that's the only choice for you if you want to be able to have a happy peaceful life where you're not constantly on edge and feeling shit about yourself x

Oh brilliant, he cheats on you and does drugs. He sounds like even more of a catch.

He's obviously not arsed about the relationship and you shouldn't be either. Get out of there!

Wow he sounds better and better. A drunkard and drug addict as well. Who lives in your house.

How much has he spent on sex workers services?

The counselling would be a tick box exercise…
Giving you his phone password would just tell me he had another secret phone….
You have friends who don’t won’t to meet up with him as they can see how he is treating you..
You feel lonely and isolated, but he likes you that way. You will cling to him and he can cheat without any consequences.
You wouldn’t feel so lonely and isolated if you got rid of him.
Tell your family today about his behaviour. Stop covering up for this sleaze ball.

Contact your friends and say you are throwing him out because he’s a serial Cheater.
He is playing on all your insecurities. It’s so hard I know but tell him to go.