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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner wants to go to Amsterdam .. history of cheating

251 replies

00621644B · 30/03/2023 09:27

Keep it brief. Been with partner for 4 years. We split a couple of years ago as I suspected cheating, he ended it, then confesses to big scale infidelity. Mostly with sex workers .

He spent time alone said he wanted to be sure he could treat me right and 18 months ago he asked to give it another go. Moved in with me . Last October I found out he cheated when I was away on a family holiday (he didn't come as he had no annual leave left) again with a sex worker. There's been in December him registering with adult work. Doing stuff on babestation too. Internet searches for escorts in the area.

A while ago his brother suggested a weekend to Amsterdam. I said I wasn't comfortable him going and why. We argued over it. He was very angry I didn't trust him.. that he felt he had no freedom no life if he couldn't go away with his mates. Then the October cheating happened and he stopped mentioning this trip. Now a friend has asked him. This morning I again Said no I not happy and I think its outrageous you would even ask or consider it. He's gone to the gym now but he's a sulker and I can tell this will.come up when he returns home. Its very much stamps foot its not fair my life is over all the other boys mummy's say they can boo hoo.

Next year there's most likely q stag to Vegas coming up, obviously I wouldn't expect him not to go and would suck it up. But again sex workers are ten a penny there and he's been before yrs ago and went down that road. His argument is he's been to dam 3 times and never used an escort or worker in the red light district. To be fair his use of them could happen here after a night out.

How do I approach and handle this now

OP posts:
BodenCardiganNot · 30/03/2023 09:41

This can't be true surely. Being single will be better.

ThreeblackCats · 30/03/2023 09:41

There is no way to “handle this”
he knows he will cheat that you are so pathetic you’ll forgive him. You know he will cheat.

Eventually you’ll probably get some nasty disease and you may bring children into this shitshow, but you’re far too late to stop him from being a cheating loser. He needed to know there was no second chances before he cheat on you. Now he knows you’re a pushover.

I don’t know what you expect anyone else to tell you. Sorry my reply is so brutal, but you asked.

Get used to being the laughing stock of your town, knowing he may well have several children with others, that he doesn’t care how you feel etc. He’s never going to change.

Star81 · 30/03/2023 09:41

Read this back as if it was written but someone else. What you you think of it and advise them ?

CattySam · 30/03/2023 09:41

Get rid. ASAP. You deserve better.

EggyBreads · 30/03/2023 09:42

Jeepers OP. You don't have to put up with this shit. You are worth more. Dump him!

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/03/2023 09:42

ChickenDhansak82 · 30/03/2023 09:33

The biggest issue here is YOU!

FFS stand up for yourself! This man clearly doesn't respect you at all and has cheated on you multiple times!

Let him go to Amsterdam and end the relationship! There are far nicer men in the world and you are being treated like a doormat!

Yes exactly! Look at yourself and what you're putting up with. Are you crazy?

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/03/2023 09:43

I think you will find it a lot easier to make friends when you've got rid of this man. It would be very hard to be friends with someone whose partner was so sexually incontinent.

Coxspurplepippin · 30/03/2023 09:43

'How do I approach and handle this now'

If this is real, which I hope it's not, you get yourself some self respect and dump his sorry arse.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 30/03/2023 09:43

00621644B · 30/03/2023 09:40

For the posters asking. No not a joke. To be honest this probably is the end . The fact he knows why I am not happy with it but still pushes the idea and sulks like I am this awful harradian taking all his freedom away is deeply insulting. Without the rest of it. I am angry and fed up having the piss taken out of me.

Yes I lack confidence. My self esteem is on the floor and I have zero friends. I readily admit all that. That's a whole other post

Most people can trust their partner to go away for a weekend and not shag anyone though so him being away for a couple of days is not the problem. He could be shagging Betty down the street for all anyone knows.

It doesn't matter where he is. You can't trust him.

You're better off without him. Say he can go (which he will anyway and that's his choice) and pack his bags ready for when he comes back.

MinnieGirl · 30/03/2023 09:45

Why are you still with this man child?
He has no respect for you whatsoever.
He has cheated on you, he seems to be constantly searching for sex workers, and he sulks when you tell him quite reasonably that you don’t trust him.
If he is cheating he is putting you at risk of STD.
Get rid of him. Find a man who treats you with respect, because this idiot never will.
This isn’t about Amsterdam or Vegas, because you know he will cheat while he’s away. It’s about putting up with a man who thinks so little of you he is prepared to chest full stop.
Tell him when he comes home that you’ve had enough of his cheating, you clearly both want different things and he can move out and do exactly what he likes. And then get tested.

PlanetLuna · 30/03/2023 09:45

You are being unreasonable by being in any kind of relationship with this guy.

He cheats. He will always cheat. Either accept and live with it, or get out.

Otherwise, you will spend the rest of your life having this kind of unnecessary drama.

Kam610 · 30/03/2023 09:46

00621644B · 30/03/2023 09:40

For the posters asking. No not a joke. To be honest this probably is the end . The fact he knows why I am not happy with it but still pushes the idea and sulks like I am this awful harradian taking all his freedom away is deeply insulting. Without the rest of it. I am angry and fed up having the piss taken out of me.

Yes I lack confidence. My self esteem is on the floor and I have zero friends. I readily admit all that. That's a whole other post

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. But it's likely you lack confidence and self esteem because he cheats on you all the time. You need to leave him, for your own sake!

TequilaNights · 30/03/2023 09:47

This man drags you down to the pits and keeps you there.

Walk away from him and find you again

Itsmyturnnow1 · 30/03/2023 09:48

Have more respect for yourself and leave this dick

Lemonem · 30/03/2023 09:48

Have some standards, you'd be far better off without him. You deserve way more than him

Original poster
00621644B · 30/03/2023 09:49

When he was caught in October he said he would get counselling. Nearly April and none has been arranged. I am not sorting it !! He gave me the password to his phone. Phones now been changed as old one broke and passwords changed. I know what the answer is deep down. It's being strong enough to do it. I do love him as he has another really nice side to him too. It's like 2 people. My friendship network is all via him. One friend stopped talking to me over him. Another friend isn't keen and doesn't keep in touch or wants to meet up as they don't like me being with him. So I feel lonely and isolated . I do care about him as do my wider family (who don't know obviously )

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 30/03/2023 09:50

Why bother?
He'll fuck whoever he wants to no matter where he is.

Coxspurplepippin · 30/03/2023 09:50

Just read your other thread. Your teen son is spending time with this man - great influence. You really do need to get rid of him immediately. If you need childcare for your younger children, far better to pay for it than have to rely on someone who treats you like dirt and is showing your son how women should be treated.

NyanBinaryJohn · 30/03/2023 09:52

Yes I lack confidence. My self esteem is on the floor and I have zero friends.

The longer you stay with someone who has such little respect for you, the further your self confidence will drop. The first step towards building your self confidence is to cut loose that what is dragging you down.

Original poster
00621644B · 30/03/2023 09:52

I have now sorted childcare for drop offs and pick ups. I didn't get the hours promised on this new job so it's been easier to juggle

OP posts:
BlackBarbies · 30/03/2023 09:52

I voted YABU because honestly, keeping him from Amsterdam will not stop him cheating. He’s already shown that he’s very happy to cheat locally so not sure why you think stopping him from going to another country will make a difference.

You need to develop some self love and self respect and then leave the bastard. He doesn’t love or respect you. AT ALL

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 30/03/2023 09:52

00621644B · 30/03/2023 09:49

When he was caught in October he said he would get counselling. Nearly April and none has been arranged. I am not sorting it !! He gave me the password to his phone. Phones now been changed as old one broke and passwords changed. I know what the answer is deep down. It's being strong enough to do it. I do love him as he has another really nice side to him too. It's like 2 people. My friendship network is all via him. One friend stopped talking to me over him. Another friend isn't keen and doesn't keep in touch or wants to meet up as they don't like me being with him. So I feel lonely and isolated . I do care about him as do my wider family (who don't know obviously )

No amount of counselling is going to stop the amount of times he's already stuck his cock in other people. (Which he won't sort out anyway). You shouldn't have to put up with it.

Please leave him. You deserve better.

Sorryyoufeelthatway · 30/03/2023 09:53

Jesus OP you are worth more than this scum bag. Ffs! “let” him go to the dam and get the hell put of this sham of a relationship.

Sorryyoufeelthatway · 30/03/2023 09:54

You care about him? Fine but he doesnt give a shit about you or women in general. You sound so nice and caring please now care for yourself and get out.

Fedupofdiets · 30/03/2023 09:54

How do you approach it? You really need to ask? You kick him out, change the locks and never ever let him near you again. Something tells me you won't though and that is your choice but then you have to accept that you will live like this forever. I know which I would choose.