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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is a complete waste of bloody money now?!

479 replies

TheScreams · 29/03/2023 16:09

For Christmas, DH booked us a weekend away. In reality, what that means is that at 10pm on Christmas Eve, DH realised he hadn’t bought me a bloody Christmas present and so booked an airbnb hut on a campsite for next weekend. He spoke to a relative we were staying with for Christmas and they agreed to have DS and DD for the weekend (booked from Saturday to Monday). I tried to be grateful at the time and not express that it was bloody obvious that he’d thrown it together at the last second and not given it a single second of actual thought.

He spoke to the relative a few weeks ago and they told him they can only look after DS and DD from 8pm Saturday until 8am Monday. So, we’ll get to the campsite from midnight on Saturday and will have to leave by 4am on Monday. He’s also not planned anything for the dogs so they’re coming too - so, on Sunday, our only day there, we can’t do anything that’s not dog friendly. But DH didn’t think to mention this until today.

I live in a bloody national park so I’m not sure why my Christmas present is travelling across the country, for “two nights” where I don’t get a decent night’s sleep on either and then get to have a dog walk and to sit in a pub for the day. I could bloody well do that two minutes from my house!

It’s bloody non-refundable. It feels like a complete and total waste of time and money to go on this trip. AIB a complete bitch to be completely ungrateful for this “gift” that actually just sounds like shit?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheScreams · 29/03/2023 16:39

Dacadactyl · 29/03/2023 16:36

Have you told him that the lack of forward planning has upset you?

I mean, I wouldnt advise that you take a friend or not go...although i understand what youre saying about it being a massive faff. I think that it coukd cause issues between you.

But i do think it needs addressing that your present seems like an afterthought.

Show quote history

The only thing he says in response is “I thought it would be nice” and nothing else.

OP posts:
SpookyBlackCat · 29/03/2023 16:40

Yes, it’s a shit present. Is there anything nice to do there? I guess you won’t even be able to go out to a nice restaurant because of the dogs.

I guess you have to suck it up and go and pretend to have a wonderful time just to save his ego though.

jemimapuddlepluck · 29/03/2023 16:41

I wouldnt go and I would be telling him why. Otherwise you will continue to get shit gifts. He didn't give a shit, as evidenced by booking it last minute on Christmas eve, so why should you?

BirthdayBBaker · 29/03/2023 16:41

"Nice" involves him thinking through the practical reality of his idea/gift.

Honestly OP i'd go on my own and take a book and a bottle of wine. or take a friend. or get him to take the kids and deal with it. it's YOUR christmas gift. make it into something YOU want. what do you want? is it time alone, or with a friend? or take the kids and leave him there.

what do YOU want more of?

ilovesooty · 29/03/2023 16:42

Well he needs to know that what he thought would be nice and what you think is nice are apparently two different things.

BirthdayBBaker · 29/03/2023 16:42

I guess you have to suck it up and go and pretend to have a wonderful time just to save his ego though.

why does she HAVE to do this?

he didn't care about her feelings. why should she paper over the crack now?

DaveyJonesLocker · 29/03/2023 16:43

Send him on his own and have the house to yourself for the weekend.

Ktime · 29/03/2023 16:44

Please get him a very shit Christmas present. Or Father's Day present.

Angebot · 29/03/2023 16:45

It just sounds utterly stressful to me

Runningonjammiedodgers · 29/03/2023 16:45

Shit gift.
I second the take a friend idea. Or the send him on his own idea.

EmmaDilemma5 · 29/03/2023 16:46

YANBU. But I didn't get my husband anything (we just do the kids).

I think just make the most of it.

Original poster
TheScreams · 29/03/2023 16:49

DH has decided that he’s very upset that I don’t link it and he can’t understand why I’ve suddenly decided it’s not worth going. He doesn’t accept the answer that it’s because he’s suddenly told me I won’t get a decent night sleep on either bloody night!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheScreams · 29/03/2023 16:49

I don’t have a friend that I can really take. Most of my close friends live abroad or are male or would have work on Monday.

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 29/03/2023 16:49

Someone once said to me, "Whether you think you'll have bad time, or think you'll have a good time, you'll be right." (It's all in the expectation/mindset).

Is it a shit pressie? Kind of yes, but I've heard worse.

Either cancel, or go and make the most of it.

Floralnomad · 29/03/2023 16:49

It’s a shit present , tell him to take the kids and have a nice weekend at home alone .

Ponoka7 · 29/03/2023 16:51

I think that it should have been addressed the day after boxing day, so it could have been cancelled, or even resold. I don't see the point of going. It would be better to save the petrol money and go out on the Sunday, nice food etc.

ChimChimeny · 29/03/2023 16:54

Someone once said to me, "Whether you think you'll have bad time, or think you'll have a good time, you'll be right." (It's all in the expectation/mindset).

Nah I totally disagree. I'd be happy to get up at 4am to get a flight on a sunny holiday, not to drive 4 hours to my house.

No amount of positive mindset will create more hours for sleep on this weekend east

FictionalCharacter · 29/03/2023 16:56

That’s not even a weekend away if you arrive midnight Saturday and leave by 4am Monday. You don’t even get 2 full nights.
Did the relative back out of having the kids for longer, or did he not actually ask them until recently? 🤔
It’s a badly thought through plan of his. I wouldn’t be prepared to arrive at midnight and leave at 4 am the following night, with no chance of spending Sunday in nice restaurants and galleries and theatres etc, so I wouldn’t go.

SpookyBlackCat · 29/03/2023 16:57

BirthdayBBaker · 29/03/2023 16:42

I guess you have to suck it up and go and pretend to have a wonderful time just to save his ego though.

why does she HAVE to do this?

he didn't care about her feelings. why should she paper over the crack now?

Well, she doesn’t have to but it seems he has decided he’s the victim in all this. So, if she doesn’t go, I suspect she’ll never hear the end of how she ruined his lovely present.

Im very glad to be single and not to deal with this kind of thing anymore though. I get myself lovely presents!

TwinsAndTiramisu · 29/03/2023 16:59

TheScreams · 29/03/2023 16:39

The only thing he says in response is “I thought it would be nice” and nothing else.

Show quote history

You should tell him, that he had weeks to think of something nice. And in failing to do that, he got something rushed and therefore not thought out. Now there has been time to think about it, it's actually not a good idea at all, which he would have realised, if he hadn't done nothing until the very last minute and had no time to think. That's not something you should be grateful for.

Rainmakerof69 · 29/03/2023 16:59

I think that it should have been addressed the day after boxing day, so it could have been cancelled, or even resold.
I don't think the op knew that the dcs would have to be picked up so soon and that the dogs hadn't been catered for at that point.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 29/03/2023 17:00

Stop buying each other presents. He obviously can't be bothered and it just causes stress.

And, yes cancel.

fiorentina · 29/03/2023 17:02

Can you take a friend and have a fun time instead?

Bramshott · 29/03/2023 17:03

Do you have 2 cars? If so, I'd be tempted to go down early on Sat, and he can drop the kids and join you later. Then on Monday, he can leave early and collect the kids and you can drive back much later in your own time.

Willowtre1 · 29/03/2023 17:03

If I went I would only go for one night, tell him you hope he's booked something amazing there on the Saturday night- a meal or something that you wouldn't get at home, to make it worth the drive. Then come home Sunday after brunch and have a relaxing evening before kids collected Monday. Make him work to make it nice! Or just say no!

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