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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum wants to come on holiday with us

384 replies

Supermummy88 · 29/03/2023 10:03

Hey everyone,

I just need some advice. My husband wants to go on a beach holiday this year with me and the kids. We have one holiday every year and he hasn’t had any time off for a while. However, my mum really wants to come with us. My mum travels and goes on holidays about 4 times a year. My husband wants it to be just us, as he wants to just chill out and feels it won’t be the same if my mum comes. I don’t really know what to say to her because I feel really bad saying no and that we just want to go as a family. My husband said that considering she goes away 4 times a year and we only go once it’s not fair that we don’t get that time together as a family.

I’m thinking we will go with her this year and then next year we can go as a family just me husband and the kids. But he’s still not happy about it and has now put me in a difficult situation!

Any suggestions?

Thank you x

OP posts:
WitheredandOld · 30/03/2023 10:48

My parents tried to invite themselves on one of our holidays and I said no. We often holiday with them when one or the other suggests something, but this was a specific holiday for us and they tried to say we’ll come too. No!

Ibizamumof4 · 30/03/2023 14:14

Have to agree unless there’s specific reason why your mum needs to go on holiday with you, it’s a definite no. It’s time to bond as a couple and your immediate family. I normally do like a weekend away or every now and then a separate break with my parents and kids which is nice

babywickenswinebottle22 · 30/03/2023 15:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 30/03/2023 15:32

It would have been nice if OP had returned to this stupid thread but then she knew it was. The last response was indicative of the type of poster MN seems to be attracting these days

Pearlygates · 30/03/2023 15:51

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 30/03/2023 15:32

It would have been nice if OP had returned to this stupid thread but then she knew it was. The last response was indicative of the type of poster MN seems to be attracting these days

Yeah it would have been nice.

aloris · 30/03/2023 16:27

ukholidayseeker · 29/03/2023 23:55

I'm sorry but I disagree... I would love for my mum to come on holiday with us. She'd have quality time with her grandkids, help out loads and be great company. I'll miss her when she's no longer around.

Just because you enjoy having your mum along doesn't mean your spouse does also. The spouse in this case has stated clearly that having his MIL on the trip would prevent him being able to relax. I don't why someone would ruin their spouse's vacation by bringing along an extra person. It seems like a major boundary violation.

eurochick · 30/03/2023 17:28

I am with your husband. Time as a family unit is important.

I've holidayed with my in-laws many times over the years but they have always been short breaks and we have had a family holiday in addition to them. The suggestion to separately take the kids away with your mum is a good one.

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 30/03/2023 17:58

Agree 100% with other posters incl those who have suggested other compromises, you and the kids for a shorter break with her sometime
This is precious family time for you and dh and dc's.

Blossomtoes · 30/03/2023 18:02

I know someone who has never had a family holiday without his mil. I actually think he’s a saint - or a mug. I’m longing for the day he says no.

Katherine1985 · 30/03/2023 18:36

What is your usual time together like with your mother? If it involves her doing a lot of graft like hosting and childcare, then I think it would be lovely to do something like this. Ditto if you get on with her and would like to include her this year, and if dc have a positive relationship etc. And I don’t think DH should be ruling it out on the basis of her other holidays as that’s something very different.

If she’s always asking, or doesn’t give you much space as a family then I’m with your dh

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/03/2023 18:37

Your husband is right, her presence will completely change the dynamic of the holiday.

"I’m thinking we will go with her this year and then next year we can go as a family just me husband and the kids. But he’s still not happy about it and has now put me in a difficult situation!"

No, your husband has NOT put you in a difficult situation, you MUM has! Why is your automatic reaction to acquiesce to your mother? Why not say 'not this year, maybe next year' (which is essentially what you are saying to your husband).

Put your Big Girl Pants on and tell your mother 'no'.

'No, this is our one family holiday and we want to be just us four.'

DeeDoyle · 30/03/2023 18:38

Wow Im really surprised by evetyone saying your mum has enough holidays. Maybe she wants to spend time with you and the kids??? If it was my mum id snap her hand off and take her. Im always trying to get her to come with us and she rarely does.

We dont know how long we have anyone for so im always up for making memories with family. Could you convince your husband by maybe saying that she could babysit one or two nights of the holiday so ye could have time to yourselves that you wouldnt otherwise get?

Madamum18 · 30/03/2023 18:39

I think you should go away just you as a family and tell your mum that is what you are doing. Discuss with your husband about including your mum for a short break maybe some time as a compromise if you like but it would be really unfair on your husband to miss out on his one chill out family holiday so just tell her. To be honest I think your mum is quite cheeky raising it.

GUARDIAN1 · 30/03/2023 18:55

No your mum shouldn't come. Explain to her (if she's not already aware) that you only get to go away as a family once a year and you want it to be you, your partner and kids. Ask your mum if she'd like a holiday with you and the children at another point in the year.

nuttynet · 30/03/2023 19:07

Im with husband. However, is she offering to pay or help with kids so you get a break/evenings out?

frazzledasarock · 30/03/2023 19:11

Would you want your MIL joining you on your only family holiday?

You need to tell your mother no it’s our only family holiday and we want to spend quality time together.

mylifestory · 30/03/2023 19:12

Even my kid doesn't want to go on holiday with my mum anymore! Says it all ....

toxic44 · 30/03/2023 19:56

Just tell her no. We went on holiday with my mother once. It was hell on earth. Not one moment to ourselves, a great discussion about ever single thing we suggested to do. Never again.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 30/03/2023 19:56

Sorry OP, I agree with your DH.
Offer your Mum a weekend instead - but she may have trouble fitting in around her 4 hols Smile

Oldtigernidster · 30/03/2023 20:01

Sorry mum - no.

ScrumpyTree · 30/03/2023 20:01

Harsh but true.

Most of the holidays we've had with (either sets of) our parents are because they were paying for it.

So of course that very much changes things and make it's worthwhile one partner being on holiday with their in laws.

But if it's your only family holiday of the year, unless it's a huge trip you couldn't afford without your mum going too to chip in (big villa etc etc) then think about how you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Justontherightsideofnormal · 30/03/2023 20:04

I agree with your husband, offer to have a weekend away with your mum without the husband as a compromise

oosha · 30/03/2023 20:12

Can’t you go with your mum and the kids another time but save this holiday for you, hubbie and kids?

KatherineJaneway · 30/03/2023 20:40

OP has not returned.

Lovelyring · 30/03/2023 20:56

You side with your husband of course.

Do you get more annual leave than him? Could you arrange a holiday for you, Mum and the kids another time? That's what I do. Mum and I go to a place DH has no interest in, and we have a lovely time.