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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum wants to come on holiday with us

384 replies

Supermummy88 · 29/03/2023 10:03

Hey everyone,

I just need some advice. My husband wants to go on a beach holiday this year with me and the kids. We have one holiday every year and he hasn’t had any time off for a while. However, my mum really wants to come with us. My mum travels and goes on holidays about 4 times a year. My husband wants it to be just us, as he wants to just chill out and feels it won’t be the same if my mum comes. I don’t really know what to say to her because I feel really bad saying no and that we just want to go as a family. My husband said that considering she goes away 4 times a year and we only go once it’s not fair that we don’t get that time together as a family.

I’m thinking we will go with her this year and then next year we can go as a family just me husband and the kids. But he’s still not happy about it and has now put me in a difficult situation!

Any suggestions?

Thank you x

OP posts:
aloris · 29/03/2023 18:16

Your husband has explained that he won't be able to relax if your mum comes along. What is the point of a holiday if he's not able to relax? Taking that away from him so your mum can have yet another holiday seems rather selfish. And what gives you the right to do that?

It makes me uncomfortable that, despite his having clearly stated he does not want her to come, you are saying your plan is that she will come this year, but not next year. You don't have the right to force him to accept extra people on his only annual vacation. If the two parties in the marriage do not agree on bringing an extra person, the default should be that the extra person does not come. Your plan is essentially to overrule him as if you are his boss in the relationship. That is not ok.

It is not your husband who has put you in an awkward position. It's your mum who has done that by inviting herself along on your family vacation. She should have waited to be invited, and, if not invited, left it alone.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 29/03/2023 18:55

Your husband is allowed to want a holiday with his family. Tell your mum no.

Wishawisha · 29/03/2023 18:57

I agree with almost everyone here. Your DH has a right to veto here as should you if someone from his family wanted to tag along.

Wiseflower · 29/03/2023 18:59

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TyneTeas · 29/03/2023 19:01

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Head of household...!?

nomoremerlot · 29/03/2023 19:01

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He is certainly not wrong!

So not a matter of keeping the peace, it's a matter of him setting his boundaries and sticking to them!

Ewock · 29/03/2023 19:02

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Head of the household 😂 didn't realise we were in the 1950s

Coffeepot72 · 29/03/2023 19:03

Wishawisha · 29/03/2023 18:57

I agree with almost everyone here. Your DH has a right to veto here as should you if someone from his family wanted to tag along.

This

pointythings · 29/03/2023 19:04

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There are many, many reasons why OP should listen to her DH. This is not one of them.

Snugglemonkey · 29/03/2023 19:15

BungleandGeorge · 29/03/2023 15:10

Do you want your mum to go? Is she the type who would give you some space and maybe babysit so you can have some time together? I don’t think your husband automatically has the right to decide your plans! It should be a decision between you and will depend a lot on the personality of your mum

I think he has the right to veto a holiday he cannot relax on being his one holiday of the year!

Maray1967 · 29/03/2023 19:26

Untitledsquatboulder · 29/03/2023 15:42

Maybe you were putting them in an awkward position by asking? In a relationship of equals surely all parties can make a suggestion? Equally, all can say no

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No way is that the same - inviting someone to join you is not cheeky. Inviting yourself is.
Fair enough if we’d put pressure on them to come - but we didn’t. We told them where we were going and said let us know if you’d like to join us.

Bored86 · 29/03/2023 19:26

Not really up for debate. He doesn’t want her there. He wants to spend time with his family.

Wiseflower · 29/03/2023 20:00

Ewock · 29/03/2023 19:02

Head of the household 😂 didn't realise we were in the 1950s

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just joking! couldn't help it...😉

LaughingSomnambulist · 29/03/2023 20:03

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Wtf? This isn’t even a funny joke in the context of this thread.

He is simply right. Writing this as a joke to imply that everyone is just agreeing with him because he is a man isn’t funny; it is just stupid. He is right because he is right, nothing to do with genders.

Mixkle · 29/03/2023 20:11

So your husband gets one holiday a year and you think it’s ok to bring your mum to it?

No, no, no. The solution is that you and kids go on a different holiday with your mum some other time. You cannot ruin your husband’s only annual holiday buy taking his MIL along.

nomoremerlot · 29/03/2023 20:12

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Ridiculous

Wiseflower · 29/03/2023 20:13

LaughingSomnambulist · 29/03/2023 20:03

Wtf? This isn’t even a funny joke in the context of this thread.

He is simply right. Writing this as a joke to imply that everyone is just agreeing with him because he is a man isn’t funny; it is just stupid. He is right because he is right, nothing to do with genders.

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sorry you were so upset. Some did talk as if he....... so I made a joke. Move on..

nomoremerlot · 29/03/2023 20:15

@Wiseflower did talk as if he ...... what?

TheMorningBird · 29/03/2023 20:15

If I was your husband I would be furious with you. For suggesting your husband is putting you in an awkward position. It’s not your husband it’s your mum.

If this was a post from a wife about her husband and MIL everyone would be screaming control issue and red flag.

Spinningaround18 · 29/03/2023 20:38

I'd take your mum. Life is short.

Hoppinggreen · 29/03/2023 20:47

Spinningaround18 · 29/03/2023 20:38

I'd take your mum. Life is short.

Nice of you to volunteer

Lifeisapeach · 29/03/2023 20:51

I’m with your husband! If it was my only holiday in the year I wouldn’t want to share it with the in laws. I happily go away for breaks with them but I value family time just us so much more therefore our annual abroad holidays is always just us and it’s my favourite time of year.

I don’t think your husband has put you in a difficult position at all. I think your mum has.

turnthetoiletpaperroundproperly · 29/03/2023 20:52

OP I know you dont want to appear as the bad guy here with your mum but I feel you cannot place her needs above your husbands.By all means if you are insistant on asking her lets just hope you are not putting your own marriage in jepordy as a result, cos I wouldnt put up with it if I was your husband.

nomoremerlot · 29/03/2023 20:53

Spinningaround18 · 29/03/2023 20:38

I'd take your mum. Life is short.

So are some marriages...... for obvious reasons!

MeridaBrave · 29/03/2023 20:53

I’d suggest a second shorter cheaper UK trip without your husband with her and the kids as compromise. No way to the family holiday.