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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum wants to come on holiday with us

384 replies

Supermummy88 · 29/03/2023 10:03

Hey everyone,

I just need some advice. My husband wants to go on a beach holiday this year with me and the kids. We have one holiday every year and he hasn’t had any time off for a while. However, my mum really wants to come with us. My mum travels and goes on holidays about 4 times a year. My husband wants it to be just us, as he wants to just chill out and feels it won’t be the same if my mum comes. I don’t really know what to say to her because I feel really bad saying no and that we just want to go as a family. My husband said that considering she goes away 4 times a year and we only go once it’s not fair that we don’t get that time together as a family.

I’m thinking we will go with her this year and then next year we can go as a family just me husband and the kids. But he’s still not happy about it and has now put me in a difficult situation!

Any suggestions?

Thank you x

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 29/03/2023 20:57

I'm with your husband on this one, you need to politely tell your mum no and be honest with her why.

choccytime · 29/03/2023 21:05

Tell her no , cheeky mare

DangerousAlchemy · 29/03/2023 21:06

Op has done a runner! 🤣🤣🤷‍♀️

BabyTa · 29/03/2023 21:22

Agree with your husband - seems odd and if she goes away often why doesn't she take her grandkids?

Mylittlepea · 29/03/2023 21:27

I love my mum dearly but absolutely don’t want to go on holiday with her. Come back OP🤣

MermaidMummy06 · 29/03/2023 21:30

Goldbar · 29/03/2023 12:12

I feel for you. In your situation, I'd be clear that I'd rather stay at home - my DH and SIL could take FIL away together with my blessing and I'd take my DC somewhere separately (or they could have the DC as well) but I would not be joining.

Show quote history

Don't worry. I've made it clear I won't be doing it & will just stay home. DH just doesn't see the problem.

IL's have been horrifically abusive and have bullied me in the past. There's zero chance I'll allow it.

Snowythecatbitch · 29/03/2023 21:31

Yes if she's paying, no if she's not 😊

ThreeRingCircus · 29/03/2023 21:36

I have a feeling that OP told her mum yes before speaking with DH, or at least didn't shut it down.

Both of our family holidays last year were with in laws, DHs family for one and mine for the other but it is totally fair enough for your DH to not want to spend his one holiday a year with his MIL, and totally unreasonable of you to be saying he's put you in an awkward situation. You and your mum have made things awkward for him.

Wiseflower · 29/03/2023 21:37

It's funny though, my sister was in a similar situation but now divorced. Looking back, with hindsight, she wished she had taken her own initiative and let children be with their granma on holiday instead of listening to her stubbon ex who had his way most of the time.

Maybe, men should see this as a positive light and let granma look after the kids while they are free to go out in the evenings with their partners.

Ewock · 29/03/2023 21:37

Wiseflower · 29/03/2023 20:00

just joking! couldn't help it...😉

Show quote history

😂

nomoremerlot · 29/03/2023 21:45

Wiseflower · 29/03/2023 21:37

It's funny though, my sister was in a similar situation but now divorced. Looking back, with hindsight, she wished she had taken her own initiative and let children be with their granma on holiday instead of listening to her stubbon ex who had his way most of the time.

Maybe, men should see this as a positive light and let granma look after the kids while they are free to go out in the evenings with their partners.

Granma?

Wiseflower · 29/03/2023 21:53

nomoremerlot · 29/03/2023 21:45

Granma?

Show quote history

I feel like I'm being followed! 😂

Grandma - your mum would be your children's "Granma".

tammie49 · 29/03/2023 21:58

I can see it from your point of view but if I turn it on its head I cannot think of anything worse than a holiday with my MIL.

nomoremerlot · 29/03/2023 22:09

@Wiseflower I'm following the thread, not you......

Why would you think otherwise?

PerfectPenquins · 29/03/2023 23:53

Some extremely hostile replies on here.

Maybe she just wants to create some nice holiday memories with you and the kids.

I have some great ones of holiday as a kid with my dad's parents. They died while I was still quite young, so those memories are special to me. My mum never minded her inlaws joining either.

My ex is deceased, but I'm planning a major holiday next year with his mother and sisters with me and my kids.

I'd save up and go away with your mum and the kids. Do a small holiday with your husband and then have another one leaving him behind.

My ex was a bit like your husband. It was a real drag.

Your mum is family, he married into the family he wasn't forced. Nothing insinuates your mum is a nasty overbearing person from your post.

Skallywag1985 · 29/03/2023 23:55

With your husband. Couldn't be doing with mothers on holiday

ukholidayseeker · 29/03/2023 23:55

I'm sorry but I disagree... I would love for my mum to come on holiday with us. She'd have quality time with her grandkids, help out loads and be great company. I'll miss her when she's no longer around.

LadyJ2023 · 30/03/2023 01:01

We love love having all our extra family come on holidays so for that last few years we take 2 one for just us and kids and one for grandparents etc to come and we live both and our kids adore grandma and grandad coming and not gona lie all 4 get spoilt rotten on our big family holiday by them and so do we lol

TyneTeas · 30/03/2023 02:08

Your mother can have the opportunity to create all of these lovely grandparental memories and experiences on other holidays

Your family deciding to have a holiday just for your family without extended family does not stop other grandparental memory making experiences happen.

This is a holiday for parents and children alone and that is not being unreasonable. It is not unreasonable also to have holidays with different attendees but it is not this holiday

Murdoch1949 · 30/03/2023 06:44

Have a lovely family holiday, then go away with your mum & children another time, leaving husband to relax at home.

nomoremerlot · 30/03/2023 07:07

ukholidayseeker · 29/03/2023 23:55

I'm sorry but I disagree... I would love for my mum to come on holiday with us. She'd have quality time with her grandkids, help out loads and be great company. I'll miss her when she's no longer around.

I'm sure you will miss her when's she's no longer around, it nonetheless the DH doesn't want to holiday with his MIL. So as it's his holiday with his family OP needs to say no the her DM. Can you imagine if it was his DM that wanted to come?

Soozikinzii · 30/03/2023 07:15

I'm a MiL myself and we like to go away for a long weekend with our DSs families but would never expect to join them on their main holiday of the year .

Devoutspoken · 30/03/2023 07:23

We've been on holidays with my mum and his mum, but we also have holidays to ourselves, it's a bit mean to never do it, they are not here forever

Coffeepot72 · 30/03/2023 07:53

Mylittlepea · 29/03/2023 21:27

I love my mum dearly but absolutely don’t want to go on holiday with her. Come back OP🤣

Yep

smizing · 30/03/2023 10:05

ukholidayseeker · 29/03/2023 23:55

I'm sorry but I disagree... I would love for my mum to come on holiday with us. She'd have quality time with her grandkids, help out loads and be great company. I'll miss her when she's no longer around.

And what if your husband said he doesn't want your mum to come along on his ONLY holiday with his wife and kids?

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