To stop seeing guy who lied about his age?

[JollieJullie]

Went on two lovely dates with a guy. I thought this had potential, we got on really well and there definitely was mutual interest.

However, a thorough Internet research has showed me that he is 3 years older than stated. I even asked him for confirmation about his age on the first date (casually in conversation) and he confirmed the age stated on his OLD profile.

3 years is not a big difference, but to me it makes a difference. I am 33 going on 34, so dating a 44 years old vs a 47 years old IS different. He is closer to 50 than 40 FFS!

More importantly, I am just bothered by the lie and unimpressed about the insecurity this reveals. I think I will have to call it a day.

What do you all think? Not a big deal or am I right to be so annoyed? AIBU or not?

Honestly, that sounds like the rhetoric of someone who doesn’t have a lot of options. As an attractive woman in my early 30’s on OLD, I had a LOT of options. I liked and had fun with lots of them, but was selective with regards to my criteria. Binning someone for not meeting said criteria (and, even more egregiously, lying about it) would have been no great loss. And I certainly would never have dated anyone pushing 50 - even OP’s stated 10 years would be too much for me. It’s not a ‘missed option’, it’s culling.

The pool is very big. Limiting it is fine. There is no reason to keep as many people as possible in it other than desperation.

He confirmed his age on the date.

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t Google potential dates. It’s basic common sense and self preservation.

@PousseyNotMoira I agree! Without (hopefully) sounding like I am full of myself, I have quite good success on OLD in terms of attracting men, so I don't see why I should settle for dating a liar? Surely we can all do better than that?

One guy told me on the second date that he took off several years in order to get dates. I told him what I thought about that and didn't see him again.

A few years later he messaged me through a different OLD app, obviously not recognising me. He was still the same age (apparently) that he was claiming to be several years before! I reported him to the site, and I hope they blocked him.

How do you know what you r found online is correct?

Depends on how old the women are. Women in their 40’s would quite happily date a 47 year old. As would some women in their 50’s. But, he doesn’t want them, does he? So, he’s lying to attract younger women.

If you don’t find that gross and problematic, I don’t know what to tell you.

This would be my approach. 3 years isn't a big deal. It's not like 10
Years.

Of course I don't know it with absolute certainty, but all other info matches (including birth month) and I found the same info in three different places.

That, coupled with the fact that I thought he looked a bit older than 43 when I met him, makes me inclined to believe he is lying.

We certainly can! I had a fab time and met my lovely DH OLD. Got married last year. 😊

Bin this idiot and go on some lovely dates!

See, to my mind this is a big deal. If she lets this slide, she’s sending him the message that he can get away with lying to her and there won’t be any repercussions. That’s an awful way to start a relationship.

He’s a liar. You’ll never be able to believe anything he says.

This happened to me too. About five weeks in, when some age-related thing came up in conversation, she sheepishly revealed she was five years older than she'd said.

It was a pretty pivotal moment. We didn't part right then, but it certainly damaged the foundation of the relationship.

I think I'd probably get out now, OP.

Sorry, I intended to add.....

I couldn't see how she'd ever planned to sustain the lie. I mean, if we'd ended up together longterm, it would have come out eventually. So what was the plan there?

The alternative was that she didn't expect us to be together long enough for me to find out - which would have been pretty callous.

Never date an insecure man. Never ends well!

He's also fast approaching the age where a lot of men need a little "help" to facilitate a full and varied sex life.
Very unattractive in your 30s
(One guy that lied about his age was also secretly popping cialis to get it up too. Bought online.
Seriously, some of them are awful.

There’s the truth. It’s unpalatable isn’t it?

Not something I am keen on experiencing anytime soon

Before on-line dating we’d meet people from our social circles and we’d often quiz those closer to them ‘what are they like? How old are they? Is he single? Etc’ And we’d likely have the wife/GF pointed out and if he is dodgy we’d be told quietly probably not a good idea (though we don’t always listen because socially women are typically manipulatively competitive)

now we date online that ‘social circle’ is google because we don’t have the safety net of knowing someone who already knows your would be date.

i think it’s incredibly naive to NOT google your online date.

a previous date claiming to work as a professor/lecturer at a university. (Men overstating their intellect/ability is common I’ve noticed) It took me 10 seconds to google and see that his job title matched what he claimed. I’ve had the flip side where a man claimed to own his own business. Turned out that business was an MLM and a hard hell no from me.

I reverse image search profile pictures on dating sites of matches I’m a bit hesitant about, I’ve caught out several potential matches who are allegedly single according to their profile are actually married according to their wives and recent updates or using a photos belonging to someone else so clearly scammers or in very rare cases traffickers (this is why it’s important that go to busy places and tell your friends who you’re meeting and send them a screen shot of their profiles! 99% of the time you’re OK
) .

googling is about balance though. Looking them up. and checking their info matches whats available is fine. Checking up on them regularly is not.

anyone can be who they want to be online and doing initial rudimentary checks guarantees you’ll only meet the 99% of decent men wanting a date or a one night stand not the 1% of arseholes and abusers.

@PousseyNotMoira if you read the thread you'll see that's because he wants kids. There's nothing wrong with that. That bit doesn't make him a creep. It's the lying that's the problem - and the bit that suggests he might be.

@Allblackeverythingalways i mean that's just a massive exaggeration that plays on men's insecurities to sell commercial drugs. Most men don't get ED until 70s or even older.

I wouldn’t worry about a small age difference, it’s just vanity but I would be more alert to any other differences between fact and fiction, women are just as likely to lie about their age, most of us will have done at some time.

Worry about the big lies, money, job, wives, and the things he is not telling you.
My cousin John, was really keen on a well to do lady with a child they were a couple for about a year - then her husband was released from prison unexpectedly. !!!. She forgot to mention that.

In the early days of our relationship, my now husband lied about his ago. Only by one year, but I didn't find out until we were engaged.

I should have broken the engagement off, but I didn't. I told myself that it wasn't important, but I didn't notice how comfortable he was with telling a lie in a situation where it might benefit him (or indeed, in any situation at all!). To me, the truth matters in itself, but to him it really doesn't. It's very difficult to live with someone when you can't just automatically rely on what they tell you.

I went out with a guy who randomly told me he was one year younger than he actually is. Forgot to keep up the lie so was easily caught out. I don't know why he bothered! Didn't work out romantically but he's a nice guy and we're still friends.

Wondering if he is someone I dated years ago who lied about his age by three years 😅

Seriously, steer well clear. Apart from the lie and what that says about his character and morals, the age difference is significant. I’m 43 and if I wasn’t married I can’t imagine trying to date 30 year olds. Obviously if a relationship develops organically with this kind of age gap that’s different, but this guy is actively looking for women who are more than a decade younger.