To stop seeing guy who lied about his age?

[JollieJullie]

Went on two lovely dates with a guy. I thought this had potential, we got on really well and there definitely was mutual interest.

However, a thorough Internet research has showed me that he is 3 years older than stated. I even asked him for confirmation about his age on the first date (casually in conversation) and he confirmed the age stated on his OLD profile.

3 years is not a big difference, but to me it makes a difference. I am 33 going on 34, so dating a 44 years old vs a 47 years old IS different. He is closer to 50 than 40 FFS!

More importantly, I am just bothered by the lie and unimpressed about the insecurity this reveals. I think I will have to call it a day.

What do you all think? Not a big deal or am I right to be so annoyed? AIBU or not?

Men who are well into middle age deciding that they want to have kids and seeking much younger women to enable them to do that is pretty gross to me. I think there’s quite a lot wrong with it.

There is also quite a lot wrong with that if he’s lying to the prospective mothers of said kids to get them to go out with him.

His desire to have kids does not entitle him to dates with women of childbearing age, most of whom do not want to date a man pushing 50. He clearly knows this, so is lying to mislead them and taking away their right to choose to date within their desired age range.

Every single thing she’s said about this man disgusts me.

Not always unfortunately (Anecdotally)

It's the lying that would put me off too, I mean sure the age boundaries you have in place for yourself are also fair enough of course but it's not a good start to be dishonest. If he wants children with someone even more reason to build an honest and trusting relationship; I suspect we all know the real reason he did it.

Agreed! I had a 13 years gap relationship and it was too much for me.

100% agree.

I am late 50's with a fit, energetic husband nearly 4 years older than me.

The difference between 47 and 60 is huge.
I can clearly see it in us as a couple of fit people.

Until you grow older, it is really hard to explain and quantify.

Aging creeps up very quietly, even when you are healthy and fit.

Also I think some men get old manish a lot earlier than women of a comparable age.

Whatever about women trying to run around after grandchildren at 50, and finding it exhausting, first time fathers of that age often aren't able to adapt and leave it to their partners to carry the load.

I've seen it first hand, they may like the idea of it in theory, but the reality is just so different.

My husband had a few colleagues in this situation.

They had a blast working, travelling, living it up for decades, then decided a family was a good idea in their late 40's.

Met much younger women in their 30's and because they were so solvent and charming, sold them on it.

All have had a couple of children quickly together, in their early 50's but seemed to age over night.

Being 60 with pre teens to rear is no laugh at all.

When I have come across it, it is absolutely the women who carry the rearing as the men are just not able energy wise.

Of course people will suggest I am generalising, ....and I am.

I am giving my general experience!

I'm sure there are exceptions out there too, but I just haven't come across them.

These much older dads are like grandads, while their wives very much keep the show on the road.

Of course not always, but I do think some assume every man once they hit 50/60 and beyond is unable to have a sex life without the aid of viagra etc which isn't true- many don't.

Another vote for 🚩

I don’t see why it’s acceptable to lie to pretend to be under 45 because many younger women will choose 45 as a cut off. These younger women are likely to be under 40. Almost all women using OLD who are between about 42 and 52 would date a 47 yo. He doesn’t want them, he wants a 35 yo so he lies, knowing he will get a date with someone who specifically doesn’t want to date someone that much older than them. It doesn’t matter that some women don’t mind a 13 year age gap, or that if you had met someone in a more organic environment and got to know them before dating then you would accept the age gap. I’ve lied about my age hundreds of times to try to get into clubs
of buy alcohol and cigarettes when I was under age. I’ve never lied to someone so they will shag me. Funnily, I don’t want to shag people who wouldn’t want me if they knew the truth about me. He does. He’s a dick.

@billy1966 your post has put me in mind of Boris Johnson.

@billy1966 my parents…. 30 & 45 - wonderful. 55 & 70 - fml.

What's him being controlling got to do with his age?

This!

He's pushing 50 and is interested in women in their early thirties. Age gap is too big, especially if you're wanting kids in the future.

Someone lies in internet dating profile shocker.

It's probably harder to find someone that doesn't that does.

If you can afford to be choosy like you say then bin him and aim for perfection !

For the rest of us mere mortals, we'll probably have to suck up the odd lie here or there. Or stay single and ask where are all the decent men/women (with all the decent women/men of course).

Lying is not exactly a small character flaw though

This

This. Shows he’s not interested in anything serious too as obviously you would eventually find out his age in a serious relationship. Definitely ditch.

I dated a man who lied about his age. Continued dating him for about a month, he was gradually turned out to be a right oddball in a lot of ways and would not have made a good long term prospect.

He basically couldn't accept the way his life had turned out, and rather than put in the work to improve it, he wanted to blame everyone and everything else, and live as if he were richer and younger. Plus it seemed like he was deeply embarrassed behind that front.

so he really liked you. He wanted to say his age but he thought he might put you off and so tell you another time. Yea it is a lie but it isn’t a bad lie just him not wanting to put you off so soon.
you got on well so is it really a deal breaker. ? I would ask him outright and see what he says. Let’s face it lying about age is very common. I have a friend who has lied for so long about her age that she actually believes it now !

But maybe most young women don’t want to have children with much older men and their inferior quality sperm?! Just as there are consequences for women who leave it too long, there are for men too.

His real age ours him much closer to 50. Yet he’s sharking around women in their early 30s.

Some of us have higher bars than accepting that.

It doesn't make it right just because other people do it though. Honesty is the least someone should expect in the early stages of dating, I don't mean someone's unabridged life story but something like age is just starting off a dishonest foot. Yes women might be put off by this age, that is their decision to make, I suspect he would be put off by women his own age if he's actively searching for younger women.

I say this having zero against older men, I dated someone briefly who was a lot older than me- but he didn't lie about his age.

OP you know this isn’t ok. Why did you start a post about this?

I’m not trying to be the thread police here and I’m enjoying the discussion. What I’m saying to you is take a moment with yourself to affirm that your are entitled to your boundaries and check that all your perimeter alarms are in good working order.

You get you can do better than a liar (being single is better than being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you enough/have the courage to tell the truth)

I’m also not saying don’t post these things! It’s affirming for everyone to discuss these issues. But if you find yourself getting wobbly or worn down it might be worth taking a break from it for a couple of weeks.

Not a bad lie? He tried to override her boundaries because he decided that his desire to date a much younger woman was more important, he felt entitled to it. I’d say that’s a bad lie. Just because lying about age is common, doesn’t mean everyone else is duty bound to date a liar.

I think this is an interesting point.

My husband always said about these colleagues that he had worked with for years and liked, that it almost seemed like they decided they were now finally finished with the having it all as a single man and the next box to tick was a family.

They were definitely a bit shell shocked by the change in lifestyle expectations, and not being up for every night out.

I have met all three spouses and 2 seemed like women that you wouldn't mess with and the other stopped at 1 child having openly stated that he was utterly useless and she had zero intentions of having anymore as a result.

They are all still together a decade on.

They still do all the fun family days that the company holds on a regular basis.

But as peers of my husband, their weekends are still full of standing pitcheside, soft play birthday parties and primary school events.

Not for the faint hearted.

It’s a selfish and self serving action to achieve his personal goals regardless of the impact on others.

Thats who he is and always will be when push comes to shove.

Entitled. Untrustworthy. Liar.

I don’t really see the difference between 44 and 47. Yes he probably lied because he’s sensitive about being seen as old/too old for you. But equally this is important to you,and I’m sure you said as much when you questioned him. I wouldn’t be happy carrying on with someone who couldn’t be honest when caught out like that.

I think though you probably need to redefine your parameters. If you want kids then you need to fish in the right pool. And frankly the younger they are the better… 😁