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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop seeing guy who lied about his age?

447 replies

JollieJullie · 29/03/2023 07:42

Went on two lovely dates with a guy. I thought this had potential, we got on really well and there definitely was mutual interest.

However, a thorough Internet research has showed me that he is 3 years older than stated. I even asked him for confirmation about his age on the first date (casually in conversation) and he confirmed the age stated on his OLD profile.

3 years is not a big difference, but to me it makes a difference. I am 33 going on 34, so dating a 44 years old vs a 47 years old IS different. He is closer to 50 than 40 FFS!

More importantly, I am just bothered by the lie and unimpressed about the insecurity this reveals. I think I will have to call it a day.

What do you all think? Not a big deal or am I right to be so annoyed? AIBU or not?

OP posts:
TulipsLilacs · 29/03/2023 09:05

FreyaDoig · 29/03/2023 08:10

Maybe instead of throwing away who could possibly be the love of your life think about this. Three years is NOT a big deal. Three years is only 36 months. Yes he lied, but maybe he had felt he needed to for some reason and you should find out why. I would never throw a person away for something this minor and especially someone I was interested enough in to go on a date with. Fine wine my girl, fine wine.

Does the last sentence apply to older women too? You've posted on another thread advocating for women to avoid younger men and date older ones too.

RaininSummer · 29/03/2023 09:08

I had a few dates with a chap who had shaved 5 years off. I wouldn't have minded his age but I did mind the lie so stopped seeing him.

Naunet · 29/03/2023 09:09

TulipsLilacs · 29/03/2023 09:05

Does the last sentence apply to older women too? You've posted on another thread advocating for women to avoid younger men and date older ones too.

Show quote history

😂 typical double standards! But you know, when men start to lose those hard toned abs and replace them with a beautifully rounded beer gut, their hair recedes down their back, and their dicks don’t get hard anymore - phwoar!!! Just like fine wine!

LlynTegid · 29/03/2023 09:14

It's not the three years to me but the lying, and I'd wonder what else he could lie about.

CheekyHobson · 29/03/2023 09:16

Yes he lied, but maybe he had felt he needed to for some reason

The only plausible reason to lie about your age on a dating app is that you understand that people in the age demographic you want to date are unlikely to be interested in dating people in your age demographic, and you want to circumvent that boundary by being dishonest.

To be clear, that’s a want, not a need.

There is no plausible need to lie about your age when it comes to dating.

echt · 29/03/2023 09:26

CheekyHobson · 29/03/2023 09:16

Yes he lied, but maybe he had felt he needed to for some reason

The only plausible reason to lie about your age on a dating app is that you understand that people in the age demographic you want to date are unlikely to be interested in dating people in your age demographic, and you want to circumvent that boundary by being dishonest.

To be clear, that’s a want, not a need.

There is no plausible need to lie about your age when it comes to dating.

This.

Logicoutofthewindow · 29/03/2023 09:29

illiterato · 29/03/2023 07:46

It also suggests he’s not really interested in women his own age- he’s gone lower so he can fish a younger pool. That in itself is off putting.

This.

A few years ago I tried online dating and lots of the men wanted much younger women than their age. They saw themselves as some sort of prize because they had wealth and status, almost like that they could buy a younger woman; didn't seem about the individual at all.

Yuck, rather be single that with a liar.

WhatdoImean · 29/03/2023 09:33

OK - so you got on, had a connection and sounded like you had fun. However, because of your rules, if he HAD been honest you would not have met him. So he lied about his age (which got you to meet him so it "worked" - for a given value of "worked") and you found out that he is actually good company with whom you had a connection.

I would suggest 1) the lying is NOT good - talk to him about it and 2) the fact that you liked him, had fun etc. suggests that your rules may be making you miss options for a partnership.

At the end of the day - it sounds like you WANT to meet a partner, but if you start having hard and fast rules about age etc. you may be locking yourself into a smaller pool and losing options for contacts who could be just what you actually want. If you don't like anyone, don't see them - but for me personally, I prefer a more flexible set of guidelines than hard and fast rules...

I guess I am in the minority here though!

Acrylicpainter · 29/03/2023 09:34

@FreyaDoig there is never a good reason to lie about your age , it's deception plain and simple.

Mamabear48 · 29/03/2023 09:35

Nah if he can lie about such a small detail imagine what else he can lie about in the future…

Mixkle · 29/03/2023 09:35

Did he lie to you or to the internet? If you, dump him, but if he’s just put a fake date of birth on sites like Facebook then that’s just good sense. (I’m old enough to remember when banks thought “What is your date of birth and your mother’s maiden name?” was a great security question.)

HoneyPotBee · 29/03/2023 09:41

I honestly think doing ‘internet research’ is much more a read flag that shaving 3 years off your age. You might be doing him a favour if you dump him.

FrostyFifi · 29/03/2023 09:42

I honestly think doing ‘internet research’ is much more a read flag that shaving 3 years off your age. You might be doing him a favour if you dump him.

Not at all. One is dishonest, the other is due diligence.

determinedtomakethiswork · 29/03/2023 09:42

positivethoughts1 · 29/03/2023 07:50

I would be annoyed,.. but I'd also be interested to know why he lied? The outcome of that conversation would determine if I would continue or not.

Because he wanted to date younger women, clearly!

WhoStoleMyTiddyOggy · 29/03/2023 09:43

I had this, every time we met his DOB shifted by a year or 3. Turned out he was 13yrs older... He said you wouldn't have dated me if I'd told the truth... Yup

Original poster
JollieJullie · 29/03/2023 09:44

Sirius3030 · 29/03/2023 08:54

He probably thinks you are lying about your age too.
The very idea that people lie about their age, IRL or OLD. Almost unbelievable, right?

I don't lie about anything on OLD, not only because I don't like lying in general but also because I know that lies come out usually sooner rather than later! There is so much info about everyone online these days that it is too easy to uncover this stuff

OP posts:
blondiepigtails · 29/03/2023 09:44

Sadly this seems to be very common. My sister is mid 50s and been internet dating for a while. She puts mid 60s as her limit and there are far too many men who turn out to be at least 5 years older than they put on their profile. She doesn't want to date a 70 year old! The last one was 71 and couldn't see the problem because in his head he was young and trendy..

Cattenberg · 29/03/2023 09:45

I once dated a man who misled me about his age, without directly lying. I should have run away then, because that was the tip of the iceberg. Later, he told big lies, small lies and utterly random WTF lies.

These days, if a man lied to me about his age, I wouldn’t give him a second chance.

Original poster
JollieJullie · 29/03/2023 09:46

HoneyPotBee · 29/03/2023 09:41

I honestly think doing ‘internet research’ is much more a read flag that shaving 3 years off your age. You might be doing him a favour if you dump him.

So you wouldn't Google a complete stranger before potentially spending time alone with him in his or your place? Isn't it basic safety?

It is not like I snooped on his phone or invaded his privacy, he told me his surname so I simply Googled his name and surname. All the info was there for the general public to see.

OP posts:
Wheresthebeach · 29/03/2023 09:49

Get rid.

Fine wine my arse...more like 'corked'.

Lying so he can date younger women, knowing that he wouldn't have the opportunity if he was honest about his age. No...no...and no...Maybe if he hadn't repeated the lie to you, and had fessed up straight away but he didn't.

Confusion101 · 29/03/2023 09:53

My friend met a guy who lied about his age. He really liked her and thought she'd be turned off by his real age. They are happily married now and it's a running joke.

billy1966 · 29/03/2023 09:55

JollieJullie · 29/03/2023 08:07

Agreed! 10 years is my absolute maximum age gap, which is why those extra 3 years make a difference to me. I understand that even 10 years is quite a gap but I have always been into slightly older people so I thought a gap of 5 to 10 years could work.

13 years is a proper age gap and not something I am inclined to explore tbh.

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Agree with @Greenfairydust ...

Listen to your gut.

10 years is a big age gap, 13 much bigger again.

I am suspicious of men who are old wanting much younger partners.

So selfish.

Dump him.

SVRT19674 · 29/03/2023 09:55

My best friend has been lying about her age for decades. When we were 33 she would say she was 27. I always told her it was ridiculous. I remember a guy she was seeing telling me he knew she was lying when he learned my age, which I am super proud of and always state accurately.

honeypancake · 29/03/2023 09:56

It is an online dating thing. You have to put him in his shoes, how many women click on a man aged 47 vs 44? Many people may have 45 as their cut off line. What would you do when you are 45 and dating ? I bet you would put 40 there! If he is good in any other way and you really like him, and he doesn't lie about other things I would let it pass to be honest! Not that he made him 10 years younger there!

JimnJoyce · 29/03/2023 09:57

@Fluffodils he told me he was 5 years younger. Plus he was foreign so all his documentation etc was in a language i couldn't read. It wasn't until his 30th birthday arrived that he confessed. In front of my parents and friends too.