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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop seeing guy who lied about his age?

447 replies

JollieJullie · 29/03/2023 07:42

Went on two lovely dates with a guy. I thought this had potential, we got on really well and there definitely was mutual interest.

However, a thorough Internet research has showed me that he is 3 years older than stated. I even asked him for confirmation about his age on the first date (casually in conversation) and he confirmed the age stated on his OLD profile.

3 years is not a big difference, but to me it makes a difference. I am 33 going on 34, so dating a 44 years old vs a 47 years old IS different. He is closer to 50 than 40 FFS!

More importantly, I am just bothered by the lie and unimpressed about the insecurity this reveals. I think I will have to call it a day.

What do you all think? Not a big deal or am I right to be so annoyed? AIBU or not?

OP posts:
Annoyingwurringnoise · 31/03/2023 12:32

Wow, all the posters on this thread piling onto you OP because you dare to have boundaries and standards. How dare a woman not be grateful for any attention she gets from a man. There are some seriously desperate doormats on here. You stick to your boundaries OP, don’t worry about the lying loser men of this world, if this thread is anything to go by there’s plenty of women who would be grateful for their attention.

LooseGoose22 · 31/03/2023 12:55

How dare a woman not be grateful for any attention she gets from a man.

A man 13 years older at that.

And who lies about basic things.

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 31/03/2023 13:23

Fair enough, I thought he said he was 44, I stand correctef

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 31/03/2023 13:34

'3 years is not a big difference, but to me it makes a difference. I am 33 going on 34, so dating a 44 years old vs a 47 years old IS different. He is closer to 50 than 40 FFS!'

You did originally say you were dating a 44 year old, hence I thought you'd breached your 10 year boundary as you're 33, soon to be 34, I assume

monsteramunch · 31/03/2023 13:39

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 31/03/2023 13:34

'3 years is not a big difference, but to me it makes a difference. I am 33 going on 34, so dating a 44 years old vs a 47 years old IS different. He is closer to 50 than 40 FFS!'

You did originally say you were dating a 44 year old, hence I thought you'd breached your 10 year boundary as you're 33, soon to be 34, I assume

Even if so... so what? How does that change anything about the situation?

He still lied.

Nettii1971 · 31/03/2023 14:09

HoneyPotBee · 29/03/2023 09:41

I honestly think doing ‘internet research’ is much more a read flag that shaving 3 years off your age. You might be doing him a favour if you dump him.

Doing internet research is a must, not a red flag. I arranged a date with a guy and looked him up, he had been given 13 years for attempted murder and was out on probation slightly earlier than the 13 years. Could NOT believe it. Obviously I didn't meet up with him,but had given him my number which alone freaked me out worrying he's be able to trace me.

As for lying about age, nope. It's the targetting younger women and thinking they somehow DESERVE to be with a younger woman that is not ok. There are lots of wonderful women of all ages, it's just disrespectful to women full stop.

Ooonafoo · 31/03/2023 14:25

Nettii1971 · 31/03/2023 14:09

Doing internet research is a must, not a red flag. I arranged a date with a guy and looked him up, he had been given 13 years for attempted murder and was out on probation slightly earlier than the 13 years. Could NOT believe it. Obviously I didn't meet up with him,but had given him my number which alone freaked me out worrying he's be able to trace me.

As for lying about age, nope. It's the targetting younger women and thinking they somehow DESERVE to be with a younger woman that is not ok. There are lots of wonderful women of all ages, it's just disrespectful to women full stop.

Show quote history

I wonder if these 47 year old men get targeted by 60 year old women (same 13 year difference)

illiterato · 31/03/2023 14:51

Ooonafoo · 31/03/2023 14:25

I wonder if these 47 year old men get targeted by 60 year old women (same 13 year difference)

Show quote history

Lolz- they'd be utterly horrified by the suggestion.

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 31/03/2023 15:01

Indeed, and that's probably the deal breaker for OP, it may not be for others, as I've said upthread . Each to their own

FrostyFifi · 31/03/2023 15:16

Yes, some people clearly like liars and fuckwits or we wouldn't get so many threads from women whose blokes treat them like absolute garbage.

T1Dmama · 31/03/2023 15:36

I’m not sure at 33 you should be dating a 44 year old BUT the age thing isn’t as worrying as just the sheer fact he’s lied to your face.
I’d apologise and say you don’t want to meet again because he lied.

monsteramunch · 31/03/2023 15:46

T1Dmama · 31/03/2023 15:36

I’m not sure at 33 you should be dating a 44 year old BUT the age thing isn’t as worrying as just the sheer fact he’s lied to your face.
I’d apologise and say you don’t want to meet again because he lied.

She shouldn't apologise though, she's done nowt wrong!

Mamanyt · 01/04/2023 00:22

I could not agree with you more, hence the "I do not see this." Nor do I lie about my own age. I'm rather proud of it. However, I won't fault someone for that insecurity, the way so much of the world seems to worship youth now. A more serious lie, about being married or some such thing, would end things very, very quickly.

aurynne · 01/04/2023 04:58

When I encounter these kind of men who think "age is just a number" I encourage them to seek women 20 years older than themselves. They often show a disgusted face. Then I tell them: "yep, that's exactly how I feel about men 20 years older than me".

Ooonafoo · 01/04/2023 06:59

aurynne · 01/04/2023 04:58

When I encounter these kind of men who think "age is just a number" I encourage them to seek women 20 years older than themselves. They often show a disgusted face. Then I tell them: "yep, that's exactly how I feel about men 20 years older than me".

I agree it’s the entrenched male privilege and entitlement - as I said in PP I wonder what his reaction would be if he was contacted by a 60 year old woman (same 13 year age gap) who lied repeatedly?

FitAt50 · 01/04/2023 07:16

People like about ages all the time. Maybe he should be more alarmed that you did a "Thorough internet search" on him, so early in the relationship.

LooseGoose22 · 01/04/2023 08:33

I’d apologise

For what?

LooseGoose22 · 01/04/2023 08:35

FitAt50 · 01/04/2023 07:16

People like about ages all the time. Maybe he should be more alarmed that you did a "Thorough internet search" on him, so early in the relationship.

Idiotic.

You must do your due diligence on potential partners met online ..... As threads on here show every day.

Not single, criminal etc etc.

LooseGoose22 · 01/04/2023 08:35

People like about ages all the time.

People really don't.

Some people do.

The immature, foolish, dishonest ones.

LooseGoose22 · 01/04/2023 08:40

Ooonafoo · 01/04/2023 06:59

I agree it’s the entrenched male privilege and entitlement - as I said in PP I wonder what his reaction would be if he was contacted by a 60 year old woman (same 13 year age gap) who lied repeatedly?

Show quote history

I gave a man 9 yes older than me a chance in a relationship once.

The relationship lasted for about a year. Which was 9 months longer than I should have stayed in it.

When I finally got out, he threw age related slurs at me; "No wonder you're a 36 year old spinster!!".

When I started replying that he was a 45 yr old single man, again.... He dropped the phone on me very quickly.

It was not the first time he'd done that to younger women either; he relayed (with relative pride) that he'd gotten an ex a cheap anyo aging moisturiser as a present with a jab before they finished. He was amused & gratified by the implication it should send to her about her needing it.

He was nearly a decade older than me and I think not much less older than her.

They feel entitled to younger women and they feel entitled to attack even younger women about their age.

LooseGoose22 · 01/04/2023 08:43

*anti aging moisturiser

LooseGoose22 · 01/04/2023 08:47

By the way this man pointedly buying younger women anti aging moisturisers and calling them "36 yr old spinsters" was paunchy, receding, not exactly smooth & line free facially, and had two saggy flaps at his arse.

LooseGoose22 · 01/04/2023 08:54

Ooonafoo · 31/03/2023 14:25

I wonder if these 47 year old men get targeted by 60 year old women (same 13 year difference)

Show quote history

I seriously doubt it.

Most women think about whether someone would want them, rather than just whether they want someone .... Unlike a large portion of men.

LooseGoose22 · 01/04/2023 09:04

They feel entitled to younger women and they feel entitled to attack even younger women about their age.

And from comments like "at your age" and "not in the first flush of youth" (to a not much past 30 women dealing with a 13 yrs older man) from presumably women (?) on this thread; it's clear some women feel the same.

Greenfairydust · 01/04/2023 09:34

@JudgeRudy

''I'm not sure if preferring a more attractive woman is necessarily gross, however lieing is.''

Nice bit of misogyny...

You are part of the problem if you automatically think that women in their 40s/50s are unattractive or that it is OK for older men to target much younger women (who very likely don't want anything to do with them...)

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