To stop seeing guy who lied about his age?

[JollieJullie]

Went on two lovely dates with a guy. I thought this had potential, we got on really well and there definitely was mutual interest.

However, a thorough Internet research has showed me that he is 3 years older than stated. I even asked him for confirmation about his age on the first date (casually in conversation) and he confirmed the age stated on his OLD profile.

3 years is not a big difference, but to me it makes a difference. I am 33 going on 34, so dating a 44 years old vs a 47 years old IS different. He is closer to 50 than 40 FFS!

More importantly, I am just bothered by the lie and unimpressed about the insecurity this reveals. I think I will have to call it a day.

What do you all think? Not a big deal or am I right to be so annoyed? AIBU or not?

*nearly a quarter of a century

Sorry not a quarter of a century
but almost 15 years older.

Oh, so he can't shave 3 years off his age but you can just arbitrarily add 2 years to the age gap?!! 😂

Yeah you can round up but not down. That's why posters are calling op (33) "35".

Anyway I'm not in a dating site advertising myself as 3 years younger and in the "mids" rather than the "lates" of a decade and going after significantly younger partners; so I can be arbitrary.

That's not the most important measurement, know wot I'm sayin.

Is he allowed round that up?

They all do anyway, have you not realised that?.

I'm a bit on the fence about this. Many, MANY women lie about their ages...and by more than 3 years. Should the men they are dating drop them? According to you, they certainly should! I do not see this as a big deal, however. Not at your ages. Now, if you were 21, and someone told you that they were also 21, you then found out that they were only 17 years old, that's a different matter. Three or four years is a lot more difference at that age than it is once you are fully grown and matured (about 20-25 for women, 25-30 for men...our brains finish maturing faster than men's do).

I'm a bit on the fence about this. Many, MANY women lie about their ages...and by more than 3 years. Should the men they are dating drop them? According to you, they certainly should!

How is that OP’s problem? She doesn’t want to date someone that much older or a liar. How is the fact that other women lie about their ages relevant to that?

I do not see this as a big deal, however. Not at your ages. Now, if you were 21, and someone told you that they were also 21, you then found out that they were only 17 years old, that's a different matter.

She thinks it’s a big deal. Like most other spoke, she doesn’t want to date someone over a decade older. He knows this - that’s why he lied.

To each, his own. That is my point of view.

I thought that was what this forum is for...getting different points of view. I stated mine, I thought, respectfully. Sometimes I agree with others, sometimes I do not. And I respect those who do not agree with me.

You stated your point of view and I stated mine. This is a forum in which people do that. We also have conversations about posts. Is this new information?

True. A disproportionate amount of women on OLD have been "39" for a long time! 😁

I couldn't get worked up about it either, most people embellish the truth on OLD or CVs! I think the OP is being a bit overly precious about it, but up to her!

To quote my grandmother, " 'To each, his own,' said the old lady as she kissed the cow."

Nope.

... While some of us have higher standards and prefer men who don't embellish the truth. As other posters said, to each their own.

I don't lie about my age or embellish profiles or CVs. I never saw the point of portraying myself in a way that meant that when people got to meet me, they'd be disappointed. So I seek partners who have the same standards and values.

You're not reading the op's posts.

She looks like she's trying to meet someone for a long-term relationship leading to kids etc. The op seems like a sensible, level headed, intelligent young ex pat and she probably wants to give a relationship a reasonable amount of time to grow, establish itself, price itself etc and then proceed to children, probably after marriage. That process takes at least a could of years (minimum), then TTC does not always happen immediately... The chance per cycle and time to conceive is respectively lower and longer than in your twenties (25% or a bit more peak, to about 15%) so it could feasibly take up to a couple of years. Op is willing to consider men UK to a decade older than her and if she does get together with a man a few years older (over 39 certainly), his fertility will factor in too (presuming it's "normal" to begin with. This man, lying about being at the absolute extent of her age criteria) would be 51 before they've even feasibly started having kids. And that's with only a two year period to build a relationship and no major setbacks in TTC. It's totally understandable that op, 33/34 doesn't really want to go for that. (And she doesn't have to go for that, there are other men in the world). He's already - being past 39 - past optimum fertility and with an increasing chance of having a child with autism. Op has not yet passed the beginning of the steeper descent in fertility. Bit nonetheless she would be wise not to make things harder for herself re the potential father.

She has also explained that she has had relationships with men more than a decade older than her, and that her experiences have led her to feel that they are not for her.

A decade is a significant gap, half a generation ... Aside from any of the above. Noone should be encouraging a woman to abandon get perfectly reasonable criteria for any man, let alone a lying man. A man who.sys he wants a serious relationship and family but is apparently prepared to start that off with lying.

*prove itself

https://www.verywellfamily.com/does-age-affect-male-fertility-1959934

This is a very relevant article re. the future plans/hopes the op might have abd her relationship/partner she goes for.

Age isn't the real problem, lying to you is!
Rule of thumb, Half-his-age-plus-seven" rule
According to this rule, a 28-year-old would date no one younger than 21 (half of 28, plus 7) and a 50-year-old would date no one younger than 32 (half of 50, plus 7).

This is true, but not everyone is lucky to have kids sorted in their 30s. Imagine a woman in her early 40s looking to find someone to still try and have a family with and you would be telling prospective male candidates to look younger because they have better eggs. It is not always down to finding the best sperm/egg donor. There are also options now. Plenty of people have children in their 40s, men and women. It is important not to delay if you can but the reality is millions of people these days cannot find a partner to settle down with earlier. I would definitely not discard someone in their 40s purely because they are not the perfect sperm donor!

Blimey. No wonder there are so many relationship troubles and LTB recommendations on MN: lots of posters seem to see no problem with dating, producing offspring or marrying a proven and consistent liar! You know, no one is going to stop at one lie if they get away with it.

So what if he wants children? That's his problem. Doesn't mean he should build a relationship on dishonesty.

I wonder how many women on this thread who advocate for the guy a)met their partners online and b) were lied to (older, fatter, shorter, heroine addict and so on)

Sorry but half-page-plus-7 is bs in my opinion! Would you say that a 34 years old and a 55 years old are a good match?!

I means surely two people of such ages can fall in love and be happy, but would you say that the age gap between them is ideal?

I always hollow laugh when I hear guys say 'age is just a number'. Yeah right.

If age is just a number why don't men over 40 want to date women their own age or older?

a little white lie

Just to make everyone's clear, a white lie is for the benefit of the person being lied to.

Like when your friend puts time and effort into making a birthday cake for you, but it's chocolate and you're not a big fan of chocolate, and they ask 'Do you like it' and you say, 'Yes, it's SO delicious, thank you'.

A black lie is when you lie for your own benefit. Like the OP's date did.