Is this really what 'friends' do?

[hollypolly12]

Dh and I had our first night out with some friends at weekend since having our 2 year old.

Group of 15 or so of us booked an air bnb in a city about 2hrs from us to celebrate a birthday of one of the friends.

Friday night we had a group message from one friend asking if we can chip in an extra £5pp for the air bnb as one friend had dropped out and not yet paid the air bnb. Fine, whatever. I was a bit put out initially as i didn't get why the friend that dropped out hadn't paid when it was booked months ago. This wasn't a surprise for this particular friend as they often drop out of things last minute.

We had a good night over all. Dh and I have a joint account for things like this so all our spending went on there. We bought lots of round of drinks for friends if we were going to the bar etc. I was only bought a drink once. We in the end spent a small fortune but we didn't mind as it was good to see our friends and we hadn't been out with them for a while.

We drove the 2hrs and took 4 people with us. Friend that asked for air bnb money, in the car said not to pay as we drove. Fine, however still Not sure why it was up to us to cover cost of other friend. Other 3 didn't make a peep about chipping in for fuel or parking.
Again, we actually weren't bothered as that's what friends do?

Until we got a group message from another friend in the group last night asking if everyone could send them £4 each as they went to the shop on the way back to the air bnb and bought some drinks which they offered to share.
I did ask them to get milk so we could have coffee the next morning and they bought the smallest one which I offered money for and at the time they said no.
It's really not about the amount of money, it's the principle of it.

I know for certain that non of them are strapped for cash as we have open conversations about money etc. I know times are hard though but I would never in a million years message the group to ask everyone to pay us back for all the drinks we bought?

Aibu?

They sound petty to me

I wouldn't reply to the message

Yes but that wasn’t happening and yet you still kept buying everyone drinks. You were being flashy and then when you sobered up decided to take it out on someone who, as far as we know, didn’t take advantage of your lifts and free drinks.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

……….asking if everyone could send them £4 each as they went to the shop on the way back to the air bnb and bought some drinks which they offered to share.

I’m cringing for this individual. How petty & mean-spirited. How embarrassing that they felt so in need they had to ask the group for this contribution. Seriously, this is a social faux pas. Cringe

And asking in hindsight too……somehow makes it worse & even more penny pinching. Clearly some people have no shame😳

@PinkSyCo
As I already explained, maybe I worded the original post wrong, if we were going to the bar we would offer if anyone wanted a drink. Some people said yes, some said no. There was absolutely nothing flashy about it 😂 but thanks for your input 😊

Sounds like you haven’t been treated well at all. Work out who was the worst offender and decide if it’s worth taking them to task. Maybe there is a lesson to be learnt around setting out a few ground rules before the next trip.

This ⬆

I have never done rounds and always ask for a little towards fuel. We don't have a lot of money and if people don't get it then they aren't real friends.

When we go away as a group we have a kitty for drinks, shopping etc. Start with a tenner each and top up as required, even within that we top up individually if one of us drinks more expensive than the others.
Also the one that drives gets lunch paid for by the driven ones rather than petrol. Parking is paid by the driven one also.

My late DH and I many years ago were invited to a family reunion by one of his (wealthy) cousins. We stayed in a nearby B&B which was fine as they obviously couldn’t sleep all 30+ of us. On the Saturday night they hosted a dinner for us all.

After our return we were astounded to receive a bill from the cousin itemising what had been spent on food and drink and asking us to pay a proportion! One of the items was for bottles of port which hardly anyone (except our host) had drunk!

No way would I be sending £8. I would ignore the message. If they ask again I would say 'just take it out of the petrol, parking, drinks money.'

I would actually send £1 and say ‘for the milk, so all square now!’

Not very nice friends to not do rounds of drinks but still accept the drinks you bought but the ask for money. Also not chipping in for petrol but then asking for money back for items bought at the shop.
If you choose to do this again (I'd be reluctant) then from the start stick to your one drinks and don't buy rounds. Also if someone asks for a lift then ask them to chip in for fuel.

If they decided themselves to buy booze and not ask if people wanted to chip in then that's their fault

DO NOT GIVE YOUR BANK DETAILS ON LINE.