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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to stop SIL bringing children to girls hen do abroad

512 replies

Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 17:23

Right going to bullet point as much as possible otherwise it’s too long:
-I’m the maid of honour that organised a hen do abroad.
-19 of us going originally was 20
-small boutique adult only resort. , we have booked 10 rooms. We were under the impression that as we had booked nearly all the rooms we would pretty much have exclusive access to the whole resort. It’s okay if we we didn’t and there were other guests there but it’s just so your aware that in terms of guests there it would be just us so hard to avoid each other
-sister in law of the bride is the typical nightmare sister in law, has made the whole process difficult
-SIL then decided she wanted to pull out AFTER WE BOOKED as she couldn’t justify spending that much on a hen do.
-She wanted her money back for the room, as she’s a difficult person who can’t get her head around the fact it’s already been paid to hotel and if we cancel the room the other person sharing her room would be without a room or we all have to pay to reimburse her
-This caused a big bust up as SIL was adamant she wanted money back, so bride took the hit and paid her sum.
-This was 4 months ago, everything settled. Now SIL has disclosed that she really doesn’t want to miss out on hen and as she couldn’t justify spending this much on a hen do so she’s combining this with her family holiday so she’s rebooked to our holiday with the brides 4 nieces and nephews that are all young and the brides future brother in law (brother of the groom)
-How can I help fix this, brides distraught she doesn’t want to let her hair loose and getting drunk while her nieces and nephews are sat in the pool watching her and her brother in law who is very conservative to see everything that’s going on.
-Additionally the brides nieces and nephews are very attached to her and so she knows they will keep coming up to her.
-Have already emailed the hotel to ask why for an adult only hotel 4 children are being allowed to stay, so far it appears that they were under the impression they were joining our big booking and as we would of then booked all available rooms for that time then it would be okay.
-Have been in contact with hotel also to ask to cancel booking because surely allowing children there is a breach of their contract of being “adult only” so far they are not budging
-If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.
help….

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
gooseduckchicken · 28/03/2023 17:24

The groom needs to have a word with his brother

DraconianDen · 28/03/2023 17:25

Surely the groom needs to deal with this as it's his brother and family? Get him to speak to the brother and tell him to get a grip, they can't crash a hen do with a family holiday!!

Nimbostratus100 · 28/03/2023 17:26

get the booking cancelled, who cares if they know it has come from you? Tell them you only booked because it was adult only, and if there are children there they have broken the TandCs of your booking

HaggisBurger · 28/03/2023 17:28

This is insane. Who does that?

Bubblyliquid · 28/03/2023 17:29

I saw this exact situation on TikTok earlier being discussed by a talk show type show.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 28/03/2023 17:29

totally missing the point, but what is a 'typical SIL'? surely most people who complain about SILs are SILs themselves? likely to have siblings who are married/married to people with siblings? are you a typical SIL OP?

Partyandbullshit · 28/03/2023 17:30

This sounds like a stressful nightmare. Poor bride. Honestly, if I were her close friend, I’d probably take the stick and tell the BIL/SIL myself, as the person who’s organised it all. Bang out of order to allow this one woman/family to ruin a trip that 18 other people have given up annual leave and money for. I’m angry for you!

NotAnotherBathBomb · 28/03/2023 17:30

Bubblyliquid · 28/03/2023 17:29

I saw this exact situation on TikTok earlier being discussed by a talk show type show.

honestly the effort these days for stories are 0/10

bluebird3 · 28/03/2023 17:30

Have you paid the whole fee to the hotel or just a deposit? Just wondering if you threaten to cancel the whole booking if that would sway the hotel. I think bride needs to keep at the hotel and look closely at terms of the booking. Maybe go to the credit card company and see if you can chargeback the fees as they are not providing the 'adult only' hotel they promised in booking.

Hankunamatata · 28/03/2023 17:31

Tell hotel to cancel ypur booking and refund you as its not the adult only hotel that you and booked.

DisappearingGirl · 28/03/2023 17:31

Oh goodness that is really out of order!!! I don't know what you do about it though. Yes I would try and get the groom to talk to his brother and say it's really not on for him and his kids to gatecrash an adult-only women-only hen do!

Minfilia · 28/03/2023 17:33

I hope this isn’t real because surely nobody can be that entitled (and thick).

And how spineless are the groom and his brother for going along with it?!

ToDoListAddict · 28/03/2023 17:33

Is there a group chat? Totally immature but I'd be tempted to get the other guests to go on about how excited they are to have a man to flirt with on holiday and they're gonna pack their sexiest bikinis etc, just to piss of the SIL 🤣

Also demand SIL to reimburse the bride for the the room money!

bridgetreilly · 28/03/2023 17:35

Well, first, don’t have overseas hen dos.
Second, see first.

bridgetreilly · 28/03/2023 17:37

If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.

And? It doesn’t matter. She needs to know she can’t do this because it’s not her family holiday, it’s the bride’s hen do.

Original poster
Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 17:37

The groom supposedly doesn’t know anything about this. The grooms brother and the groom are quite polar opposite, so the grooms brother isn’t even going to the stag do because they are going to Amsterdam for a weekend and he knows they will be partying non stop and isn’t like that. This adds on to the brides stress because she knows he will be judging her the whole time (E.g inappropriate straws And other silly hen do items)

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 28/03/2023 17:38

Well, tell the groom!

PuppyMonkey · 28/03/2023 17:38

Oh no don’t tell me this isn't real - it was looking like a good un.Sad

Cancel her cheque booking.

ISpyCobraKai · 28/03/2023 17:38

Christ alive, that's awful, she's insane.
I honestly think the only way forward is to tell her in no uncertain terms that she is not welcome.
Harsh, but she clearly has the hide of a rhino.

HelenaHurricane · 28/03/2023 17:39
  • hotels advertise as adults only if you book through a third party, but they will take bookings from families with children
  • if you stop sil booking the room, may you not end up with someone else in that room anywH? You haven't hired the whole resort and the hotel clearly won't block out the rooms and keep them empty
  • clearly she's completely bonkers wanting to bring her kids to a hen party though! I can understand her not wanting to go at all, but the to-ing and fro-ing plus now wanting to bring her DCs is annoying
  • I'm not sure you can stop her if she's hell bent on doing it, but I'd also try getting the groom to speak to his brother
EyesOnThePies · 28/03/2023 17:41

Pincer movement:
The Groom HAS to talk to his brother and tell him this is 100% unacceptable. Would the BIL want a female relative plus kids at his stag? But no matter: it’s majorly out of order.

Plus insist the hotel maintain an adult only policy. They had no business to add to your party without checking with you. Say your booking stands as it was, as made by you, on the basis of it being adult only.

Also as the organiser of the hen do, and presumably not needing to remain friends with your friend’s groom’s brother’s girlfriend, I would message her and say she is no longer invited to the hen party since she reneged on her booked place, that she will not be invited to or welcome to any hen social activities as organised by you, and that she needs to know that the hen group will not be making any concessions at all to the presence of children or family. Tell her she is no longer invited to the hen do!

Original poster
Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 17:42

When I say that the groom didn’t know I meant up until them booking the holiday, he’s aware now.

Realistically him speaking to them will do nothing - she’s not the easiest person and I know she thinks she’s okay to do this. Same way how she was okay for the bride to fork out the cost of her room.

The only option I can think of is to get the hotel to either cancel their booking or cancel ours and we can rebook elsewhere. Ideally the former of the two options because finding a hotel for 19 people and it not costing an arm and leg now will be a nightmare.

OP posts:
curious79 · 28/03/2023 17:42

IF they still come, some very clear boundaries need to be set. But this is an all shades of hell scenario
BUT I think you do need to push the hotel to cancel this booking and say they are adults only and you need them to reinforce the rule - get hold of the hotel manager lady!!

Sunset6 · 28/03/2023 17:44

The answer really is for them to go to a different hotel in the area. Then the SIL can join the hen do at certain points and the kids can have their own family holiday. Someone needs to have a word to achieve this outcome, and surely either the bride or groom would be better placed than the OP.

Pubesofsoberness · 28/03/2023 17:44

If i was the bride I'd be cancelling their invite to the wedding as well