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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to stop SIL bringing children to girls hen do abroad

512 replies

Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 17:23

Right going to bullet point as much as possible otherwise it’s too long:
-I’m the maid of honour that organised a hen do abroad.
-19 of us going originally was 20
-small boutique adult only resort. , we have booked 10 rooms. We were under the impression that as we had booked nearly all the rooms we would pretty much have exclusive access to the whole resort. It’s okay if we we didn’t and there were other guests there but it’s just so your aware that in terms of guests there it would be just us so hard to avoid each other
-sister in law of the bride is the typical nightmare sister in law, has made the whole process difficult
-SIL then decided she wanted to pull out AFTER WE BOOKED as she couldn’t justify spending that much on a hen do.
-She wanted her money back for the room, as she’s a difficult person who can’t get her head around the fact it’s already been paid to hotel and if we cancel the room the other person sharing her room would be without a room or we all have to pay to reimburse her
-This caused a big bust up as SIL was adamant she wanted money back, so bride took the hit and paid her sum.
-This was 4 months ago, everything settled. Now SIL has disclosed that she really doesn’t want to miss out on hen and as she couldn’t justify spending this much on a hen do so she’s combining this with her family holiday so she’s rebooked to our holiday with the brides 4 nieces and nephews that are all young and the brides future brother in law (brother of the groom)
-How can I help fix this, brides distraught she doesn’t want to let her hair loose and getting drunk while her nieces and nephews are sat in the pool watching her and her brother in law who is very conservative to see everything that’s going on.
-Additionally the brides nieces and nephews are very attached to her and so she knows they will keep coming up to her.
-Have already emailed the hotel to ask why for an adult only hotel 4 children are being allowed to stay, so far it appears that they were under the impression they were joining our big booking and as we would of then booked all available rooms for that time then it would be okay.
-Have been in contact with hotel also to ask to cancel booking because surely allowing children there is a breach of their contract of being “adult only” so far they are not budging
-If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.
help….

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
EyesOnThePies · 28/03/2023 17:44

I also think the bride needs to be straight with SIL: “please don’t take this personally but you were invited as a hen, and dropped out. To be honest I do not want this holiday to turn into a family holiday. It is a hen do, not a family trip. I hope you find something suitable for your family holiday”.

lunar1 · 28/03/2023 17:46

I'd push the hotel to cancel their booking, if they won't, then cancel yours.

JudgeRudy · 28/03/2023 17:47

Outrageous! I guess you can't stop them. I think though that as the venue is advertised as adult only, I'm pretty sure they have broken their contract. Unsure how much you've paid so far but I'm hoping it's one group booking on a credit card. Get on the internet now and start looking for alternatives quickly. Send another email to the hotel (or tour operator) informing them to assure you that the venue will be as advertised and if not, you will consider the contract broken and will seek reemburment.

Get the groom to speak with his brother. Another alternative you could suggest is that instead of SIL and family coming on the hen do, which has 'sadly' been cancelled, they all tag along on the stag do. Bet the groom sorts that one.

oldsoulrebel · 28/03/2023 17:49

I would be sending SIL pictures of the giant inflatable cocks and other Hen do paraphernalia that you will all be enjoying around the pool and suggesting she might want to reconsider

PurBal · 28/03/2023 17:49

I agree with PP who have said that the groom needs to speak to his brother. But you say this will make no difference and the SIL won’t budge. If this is truly the case then you have no choice but to cancel your booking and go elsewhere. It’s shit, but it’s unreasonable to expect a hotel to cancel another persons booking. The adult only / kids thing is weird on the part of the hotel, but it’s their choice to honour it; I would push and expect a full refund.

Original poster
Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 17:53

I do totally agree that’s it’s unreasonable to expect a hotel to cancel another persons booking but realistically they shouldn’t have been able to book it in the first place as this is an adult only hotel and they are bringing children.

OP posts:
BreakfastClub80 · 28/03/2023 17:53

I would push for a refund for yourselves. Surely the hotel would prefer to cancel their booking than lose 10 rooms and have to resell them with children there?

Milkand2sugarsplease · 28/03/2023 17:54

Realistically, I don't think the hotel are going to cancel their booking.

If you really want to go somewhere different to them, you're gonna have to cancel for the party and find somewhere else - possibly using the "adults only" reason for leverage.

You're other option, given it doesn't sound like the brother will do anything, is that one of you takes one for the team and really lays it on the line how ridiculous she's being and the effect she's having.

grayhairdontcare · 28/03/2023 17:55

I would go the complete opposite route.
Let it be known now that it's all day drinking, inflatable dicks, male strippers, pole dancing and any other childish behaviour you can think off.
Make sure it's not kid friendly at any point.
So the children are nowhere near the bride.

Original poster
Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 17:56

oldsoulrebel · 28/03/2023 17:49

I would be sending SIL pictures of the giant inflatable cocks and other Hen do paraphernalia that you will all be enjoying around the pool and suggesting she might want to reconsider

this made me chuckle because I was too scared to type those words incase I was banned but this is exactly the hen do paraphernalia that we have brought.

this was also another reason why we chose a adult only hotel so kids won’t see this, never in our wildest dreams did we think the brides nieces and nephews might!

Also it’s only myself and the bride that know about this currently, I know that the other people in the group won’t be happy as some of them have children themselves and I think they were looking forward to getting away from screaming children for a while.

OP posts:
TuesdayJulyNever · 28/03/2023 17:56

As MoH I think it’s your job to contact sil and have the difficult conversation.
point out that it’s a hen, it’s not going to be suitable for children, men aren’t welcome and she’s welcome to come as a hen but it would be better to stay elsewhere and join in as and when.

Don’t repeat anything the bride said. Part of the MoH job is to shield her from issues like this. If necessary you have to be the bad guy in this.

trevthecat · 28/03/2023 17:57

Bubblyliquid · 28/03/2023 17:29

I saw this exact situation on TikTok earlier being discussed by a talk show type show.

Same!

Tisasatsuma · 28/03/2023 17:58

Can you get your money back if you cancel your booking?

toomuchlaundry · 28/03/2023 17:59

If you haven't actually booked out the whole hotel, there may be other guests around the pool, or have you picked a particularly tacky hotel to go to?

Emotionalsupportviper · 28/03/2023 17:59

bluebird3 · 28/03/2023 17:30

Have you paid the whole fee to the hotel or just a deposit? Just wondering if you threaten to cancel the whole booking if that would sway the hotel. I think bride needs to keep at the hotel and look closely at terms of the booking. Maybe go to the credit card company and see if you can chargeback the fees as they are not providing the 'adult only' hotel they promised in booking.

This is a good idea,

If the hotel aren't fulfilling their part of the contract, you may be justified in cancelling - or at least threatening to.

Can you re-book somewhere else?

Pipsquiggle · 28/03/2023 17:59

Do all/ any of the following:

Groom speaks to his DB and says this is not on

The hotel need to cancel SIL booking adhering to their adult only policy

If the hotel will not cancel their booking, they need to ensure that the DC are kept away from your group - as you booked this hotel as it was adults only. You want a written confirmation of what they are going to do to make this happen

Tell the hotel that you are cancelling your booking due to them not following their adult only policy

Just tell the SIL that her behaviour is appalling and she is ruining your friend's hen do.

I hope SIL does the right thing but she probably won't so you might have to be the 'bad guy' in this shit show.

Original poster
Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 17:59

TuesdayJulyNever · 28/03/2023 17:56

As MoH I think it’s your job to contact sil and have the difficult conversation.
point out that it’s a hen, it’s not going to be suitable for children, men aren’t welcome and she’s welcome to come as a hen but it would be better to stay elsewhere and join in as and when.

Don’t repeat anything the bride said. Part of the MoH job is to shield her from issues like this. If necessary you have to be the bad guy in this.

I had plenty of hard conversations with her about her pulling out and expecting money after we already paid but it falls on death ears.

Never ever being a maid of honour again and planning a hen do abroad, the stress and pressure is ridiculous.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 28/03/2023 18:01

Presumably when SIL first cancelled her flights were also cancelled? Which would have cost a lot! Now she’s managed to rebook not only the hotel but the flights too?
If this IS genuine, I’d be telling SIL that she’s totally out of order and has ruined the whole event.

pippinsleftleg · 28/03/2023 18:01

Your friend needs to show SIL she won’t put up with this kind of behaviour or she’ll be dealing with it for the rest of her life.

Cancel the hotel and don’t tell SIL where you have re-booked.

ChickenDhansak82 · 28/03/2023 18:02

You need to have a "conversation" with the SIL. I would send her a message say that you hear she is planning on coming on the hen do again, but you also heard a rumour she was planning on bringing her kids with her. I'd then say that hopefully this rumour isn't true as it is an adult only hotel and it would ruin the hen party for her SIL if they came, so if she is contemplating bringing the kids, could she please make sure that she does NOT bring them!

With arrogant people like that, you need to be very firm and direct!

Nandocushion · 28/03/2023 18:06

Like a PP said I think it's fairly simple for you to tell the hotel that unless they honour the adults-only rule that you specifically booked for, you will be cancelling your (much larger) booking and they will be left with only a family with 4 children booked for those dates, and will have to explain why to other guests. If the hotel says you can't cancel, tell them you'll be getting the money back from your credit card as they have not honoured their contract with you. CC companies are seriously really good about this and you will get it back, so I imagine the hotel will capitulate.

Original poster
Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 18:06

Soontobe60 · 28/03/2023 18:01

Presumably when SIL first cancelled her flights were also cancelled? Which would have cost a lot! Now she’s managed to rebook not only the hotel but the flights too?
If this IS genuine, I’d be telling SIL that she’s totally out of order and has ruined the whole event.

As far as we are aware she didn’t cancel the flights. To be fair, the cost of the flights were cheap as chips as it was only EasyJet. She did however try and recoup the hotel cost back. Knowing her that’s probably one of the reasons she’s still choosing to come at the same time.

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 28/03/2023 18:07

Wow, what a nightmare she sounds. Just a thought but could her very Conservative dh be behind this? Maybe he doesn't want her going abroad where he can't keep tabs? Either that or she is just an entitled twat. I think in the first instance you need to message her something like this.

Sil I hope you don't mind me asking but has your dh insisted that he come on this trip with you? I am sure you are aware that in this is a small and exlusive resort it is going to be very awkward to host a hen party with an audience of your dh and children. And I know you wouldn't intend this but I believe it will put the bride in a very uncomfortable situation of either including or leaving out your children. Not to mention that it just isn't fair on all the other hens who have paid for an exclusive only holiday. I wonder if you could discuss the idea of booking a different but nearby hotel for your family. Otherwise, I'm afraid we might have to reconsider the whole venue as the hotel did indeed promise adult only.

Twazique · 28/03/2023 18:07

Perhaps you can get the money back from the hotel as they advertised as adult only and now there are children, breach of contract? Or, the thread might be enough for them to cancel SIL?

BakedTattie · 28/03/2023 18:08

Don’t worry, the daily fail will most likely pick this story up soon then you don’t have to confront her

yanbu, she obvs thinks the whole world revolves around her