How to stop SIL bringing children to girls hen do abroad

[Pink39tree]

Right going to bullet point as much as possible otherwise it’s too long:
-I’m the maid of honour that organised a hen do abroad.
-19 of us going originally was 20
-small boutique adult only resort. , we have booked 10 rooms. We were under the impression that as we had booked nearly all the rooms we would pretty much have exclusive access to the whole resort. It’s okay if we we didn’t and there were other guests there but it’s just so your aware that in terms of guests there it would be just us so hard to avoid each other
-sister in law of the bride is the typical nightmare sister in law, has made the whole process difficult
-SIL then decided she wanted to pull out AFTER WE BOOKED as she couldn’t justify spending that much on a hen do.
-She wanted her money back for the room, as she’s a difficult person who can’t get her head around the fact it’s already been paid to hotel and if we cancel the room the other person sharing her room would be without a room or we all have to pay to reimburse her
-This caused a big bust up as SIL was adamant she wanted money back, so bride took the hit and paid her sum.
-This was 4 months ago, everything settled. Now SIL has disclosed that she really doesn’t want to miss out on hen and as she couldn’t justify spending this much on a hen do so she’s combining this with her family holiday so she’s rebooked to our holiday with the brides 4 nieces and nephews that are all young and the brides future brother in law (brother of the groom)
-How can I help fix this, brides distraught she doesn’t want to let her hair loose and getting drunk while her nieces and nephews are sat in the pool watching her and her brother in law who is very conservative to see everything that’s going on.
-Additionally the brides nieces and nephews are very attached to her and so she knows they will keep coming up to her.
-Have already emailed the hotel to ask why for an adult only hotel 4 children are being allowed to stay, so far it appears that they were under the impression they were joining our big booking and as we would of then booked all available rooms for that time then it would be okay.
-Have been in contact with hotel also to ask to cancel booking because surely allowing children there is a breach of their contract of being “adult only” so far they are not budging
-If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.
help….

Sigh. Oh OP. Get a job or hobby or something.

Could the BIL be the weak link in all this? If he is as conservative as you say - then isn't the solution to add him to a specially created Whatsapp group of all the people going to the hen do - you could introduce him as the one man on it and get everybody to make outrageous comments on the Whatsapp group about what they are going to do. If he isn't prepared to go to Amsterdam with his own DB, might not a full on Whatsapp group from a bunch of lustful girls (leaving the bride out of it - maybe don't include her on the Whatsapp group, so nothing can be attributed to her - it is just all the people other than the bride on this group - doing the planning) allowing you and the rest to be as sexually explicit as you like - from now until the hen do. The one person surely SIL will listen to is her DH, and if he really is that conservative for himself, he is going to hate his DC being exposed to this.

Proms don't cost £100s? They really do...with fittings, nails, hair, limos etc. I think majority of Hens I've encountered have been 2/3 nights...so a long weekend. I guess that's longer than a wedding ceremony but definitely not in terms of prep and foreplanning.
I can appreciate you think its a waste of time or money, but that doesnt make her selfish. Each to their own I guess.

Usually hen-do on AIBU goes as follows:

• Pressured into a weekend hen-do.
• Can’t justify paying £££ on a Hen-do.
• friends agreed on paying £££ for the hen-do now backing out which is now costing us ££££.
• AIBU to think that Hen-do’s are getting out of hand

Not ‘SIL says she can’t justify paying for a hen weekend therefore she’s bringing future BIL and DN. AIBU to think this is going to change our boozy vibe’.

So basically you’re asking us how to accommodate a bully without upsetting her ie allow her to control you all. And you can’t say no. To anything.

I would first complain to hotel threatening to withdrawals the whole booking if they do not cancel. Failing that I'd message the sil and tell her it's not fair and to book else where . If I was the bride I'd be telling her to not bother coming to the wedding.

I was going to suggest this, I would say that you had booked it because it was an adults only hotel so that you will need them to cancel your bookings if they refuse to cancel the children at the hotel. No idea of wording, I am not good at stuff like that but I would be so pissed off to book an adults only hotel to then have kids there.

Well, aren't you horrible. You think anyone who makes other choices than you deserves to have their event ruined and you find that funny. Your behaviour is unkind and unpleasant.

Missed this post 🙈

I was thinking exactly the same!

Dear CFSIL.

I'm getting in touch about Brenda's Hen Weekend.
As you know, we've been planning this for a long time, and we've all been looking forward to it. It's a shame that we weren't able to make the weekend work for you, and that Brenda ended up refunding the money you'd paid as your deposit.
But now I hear that you, Alan and the children have booked to come to the Hen Hotel so you can join in with Brenda's weekend.

I can't tell you how much this has upset the group. Its turned the event into a completely different vibe, caused Brenda to be uneasy about letting her hair down in front of her DB and nephews/nieces and has prompted discussion about cancelling the whole thing and losing all of our money.
I hope you can reconsider your plans. It's a shame that Brenda has been looking forward to her Hen weekend for so long but it's been such a stress for her.
See you at the wedding.

I'm at a loss as to why an adult only hotel would allow children to stay? Clue is in the name aka adult only no kids

What on earth are you on about! Surely if people didn't want to go they wouldn't FFS. You sound nice

Remove yourself from the situation and look dispassionately.

1. There are two separate bookings. One for 10 rooms and one for c.5 rooms.
2. The 10 room booking was made first.
3. The terms and conditions of the booking include not only what you have agreed to in the contract, but also the implied terms in the hotel's advertising. A key implied term was that the hotel is adult-only.
4. The second booking was made by someone who claimed to be part of your party, but it was not booked by you. While the hotel may have been told this, it is a separate booking and they did not check with you before accepting the booking.
5. Consequently, you knew nothing about the booking until afterwards.
6. The second booking appears to be malicious - designed to disrupt the hen-do. It doesn't take a rocket-scientist to work this out and the hotel-owners would be sensible to realise that they will either lose your booking or the family booking.
7. The hotel should honour the first booking without children and go back to the second booking and tell them that, upon further inquiries they have found out that they cannot offer bookings to groups with children, even if they book the entire hotel. They are very sorry for the inconvenience and hope that they can find somewhere more suitable to stay.

Try to talk the hotel through the above and say that if they can sort this out for you then you will do your very best to find a meaningful way of thanking them. This is all you can do. If that doesn't work then cancel your booking and start from scratch. Don't tell the sister-in-law. She'll find out when she gets there. Or do tell her that she should have got in touch, as since she pulled out they have found somewhere that will accommodate 19, so had decided not to stay there. What a shame. It is too late now.

@Pink39tree this is exactly the hen do paraphernalia that we have brought.

I'm confused - so you're already over there? When is SIL joining?

In your view why is it entitled to spend ££ making memories, why should things be celebrated Asda basics range so to speak, if people have saved ect then why not enjoy the event and make the most of it ???

Principles of what. Being scrouge, may as well not celebrate anything just to prove the point of , well I didn't need to spend ££ on x

small boutique adult only resort

How has someone made a booking for four DC in a small, adult only resort?

-Inform the hotel in no uncertain terms that you booked this resort because it was billed as adults-only, and your event is meant to be adults only.

-Refer them to their own terms and conditions which presumably state that the resort is adults only.

-Tell them you should not be held responsible for them believing someone's claim to be part of your party without checking with you first, especially given that it changes their terms

-Ask them what exactly they will do with the rooms you will be vacating if you have to cancel your reservation, because they will still be an adults-only resort with children on the premises if they allow the SIL family booking to stand. Who will they replace you with if everyone looking to book there wants an adults-only resort?

The obvious solution is for them to cancel her booking and it's insane that they won't.

Personally I think you should be looking into alternative options. Maybe a nice big holiday rental?

Stop worrying that whatever happens, SIL 'will know it was you', she's the one ruining things and she has the hide of a rhino.

Principle of mocking and laughing at other people and feeling superior, I think it is.

I have drafted an email to send to the hotel, can someone just read over and see if anything I need to add. Thanks for some of the responses I have incorporated a lot of what you said.

Dear Miss XXXX,

Thanks for your earlier response. I’m disappointed that a resolution from yourselves hasn’t been made sooner in regards to this situation considering there has been a clear breach of the terms and conditions that this hotel was advertised at.

“Xxxxx is an Adults only retreat hotel in the heart of XXXX that embody’s this concept and targets to guests that appreciate the blissful and relaxing scenario that this kind of environment offers. To ensure undisturbed escapism XXXX has a minimum age of at least 18 for all guests.”

Therefore, I’m sure you can appreciate our frustration that despite this holiday being advertised as adult only and very clearly states “all guests must be the minimum age of 18” you are allowing children to stay- which goes against the whole reason of booking an adult only holiday.

Our earlier correspondence seems to suggests that you believe we are aware and wanting the children to be allowed to stay and that the booking was an add on to ours. I can confirm that this is definitely not the case. Frankly, I am shocked that nobody decided to get in contact with the lead booker, myself, to clarify this was the case before breaching your own terms and conditions to make sure it was a wish we wanted. We only request for this to be the adult only holiday that was advertised. Again, the hotel being adult only was a key criteria in our booking.

As we have come to believe that the accommodation you are now offering is not as advertised and not in accordance with your terms and condition we consider that our agreement has been broken.

I hope to hear from you soon on what your plan of action is to honour this to an adult only environment during our stay, and in failure to reach a appropriate compromise to do so we must ask that you make immediate refund in full.

Many thanks, “

additionally the bride and I have spoken and we are going to wait to see what the hotel say before speaking to SIL. The reason being we’re hoping for the ideal situation where the hotel get involved and say to her “apologies about the misunderstanding no children can stay we can cancel your booking” and then she will think it’s between her and them and try and keep the drama down. Secondly if the hotel cancel our booking then we would want to secretly re book somewhere else because I definitely believe this was done maliciously and we wouldn’t want her to know where we are going.

Sorry but there are people like this. I arranged for the children to be looked after on my WEDDING NIGHT. Brother in law to be thought he was staying at ours with his kids!!!!