How to stop SIL bringing children to girls hen do abroad

[Pink39tree]

Right going to bullet point as much as possible otherwise it’s too long:
-I’m the maid of honour that organised a hen do abroad.
-19 of us going originally was 20
-small boutique adult only resort. , we have booked 10 rooms. We were under the impression that as we had booked nearly all the rooms we would pretty much have exclusive access to the whole resort. It’s okay if we we didn’t and there were other guests there but it’s just so your aware that in terms of guests there it would be just us so hard to avoid each other
-sister in law of the bride is the typical nightmare sister in law, has made the whole process difficult
-SIL then decided she wanted to pull out AFTER WE BOOKED as she couldn’t justify spending that much on a hen do.
-She wanted her money back for the room, as she’s a difficult person who can’t get her head around the fact it’s already been paid to hotel and if we cancel the room the other person sharing her room would be without a room or we all have to pay to reimburse her
-This caused a big bust up as SIL was adamant she wanted money back, so bride took the hit and paid her sum.
-This was 4 months ago, everything settled. Now SIL has disclosed that she really doesn’t want to miss out on hen and as she couldn’t justify spending this much on a hen do so she’s combining this with her family holiday so she’s rebooked to our holiday with the brides 4 nieces and nephews that are all young and the brides future brother in law (brother of the groom)
-How can I help fix this, brides distraught she doesn’t want to let her hair loose and getting drunk while her nieces and nephews are sat in the pool watching her and her brother in law who is very conservative to see everything that’s going on.
-Additionally the brides nieces and nephews are very attached to her and so she knows they will keep coming up to her.
-Have already emailed the hotel to ask why for an adult only hotel 4 children are being allowed to stay, so far it appears that they were under the impression they were joining our big booking and as we would of then booked all available rooms for that time then it would be okay.
-Have been in contact with hotel also to ask to cancel booking because surely allowing children there is a breach of their contract of being “adult only” so far they are not budging
-If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.
help….

Came on to say exactly this!

If I was the bride and groom, I would be going ape shit at this. The groom, needs to say to his brother ‘Mate, why are you going on my wife’s hen do? You must see that’s very fucking odd? She wants to drink out of a Willy straw, and dance around with her best friends and you and the kids are there? You won’t come to my stag do but your happy to gatecrash my wife’s hen! The kids won’t leave her alone and she wants to get drunk and let her hair down. You and your wife are literally ruining what is supposed to be one of the best weekends of her life.

Failing all that, I would cancel the hotel, find somewhere new and I would disinvite the SIL from the wedding.

Can anyone please help write a professional/angry/complaint that I can send off to the hotel to ask them to cancel their booking or at least refund us ours as they are breaching the adult only policy. (Realistically would much prefer for the hotel to cancel theirs)

Or I’m thinking atleast don’t cancel their booking but the hotel need to be very clear children are not allowed so then it pushes SIL to cancel her own booking and find somewhere new or if she wants to come just her and her husband fine whatever.

So they are happy to lose a big booking and have children on an adult only resort??? The mind boggles

I'd be surprised if your insurance policy doesn't cover for exactly this sort of situation. Give the insurance company a call and see what they say.

This

I've read a few more replies now. OK, brother sounds quite rigid. I've seen lots of posts about hen and stag dos (usually cost related) so it takes conviction for him to say, no I don't wanna come to my brothers stag do. If he gets the same vibe about the hen do could he be put off coming and stay at home with the kids (or better still cancel them all together. Is she the jealous type? Im assuming they're on a budget/broke. Simpler all round if they cancel, so.....

Set up a mock WhatsApp group. Include them both . Get friends who don't give a shit what they think to start posting the following
Booze fund - can everyone chip in £200pp
£75 for Saturdays meal.
£30 towards surprise Butler in the Buff for hen
£25 each for Hens looking for Cocks T Shirts (inc pics)
£100 for Drag Night
link to skimpy Bride Tribe Bikinis....cue Kelsie saying she'll never fit this bad ass girls in that
Cue Singleton saying More interested in bikini wax...which do you prefer
2nd Rauncy lass ....ha ha Abbie. No getting off with waiter..
Etc, etc...pics of Willy straws, blow up men, etc. Pics of clubs....everything Amsterdam is an more
If nothing else it'll make you laugh. Good lord you need it with this conundrum

Tell them they can only come if the kids also go on the stag do, to make it fair obvs. And to ensure an equal penis:vagina ratio.

Just tell sil that you have lilos shaped as dildos, penis pasta and bunny girl swimsuits etc…..all innocent enough, but definitely not suitable for children!!

I would also be crystal clear with the hotel that they are NOT part of your group and should not have any relationship with your booking AT ALL.

If the hotel sells itself as an adult only resort it's breach of contract to then book kids in. Did you book it directly with the hotel or through a third party? I would be inclined to put in a formal complaint to the hotel stating in writing if the hotel are not willing to cancel the children's spaces then you consider it breach of contract on there part as you booked there because no kids were allowed so will cancel the whole booking. I would also state the rest of your party do no want children at a adults only resort and are in agreement. Before you do that take screenshots with dates and times of everything that states the hotel is adult only, look up online selling regulations as I suspect they are in breach of them and contact the credit card provider then rebook elsewhere without telling SIL.

I think the bride and groom need to speak to the brother and sister-in-law. Tell them that is is completely inappropriate to take children to an adult only resort where she will be enjoying her hen do. Remind her that the invitation was for her only and not the children.

And then request your money back from the hotel for breaching their adults only policy and book somewhere else. Which means you need to tell the others coming. Is the groom's mother involved? Could she have a word with them? And if not then you will have approx 16 other people who are angry and her and maybe they will refuse to come and start demanding money back from her and give her a taste of her own medicine. With the money she got back from the room share she should be completely able to book a child friendly hotel for her family.

If this is true (and I see that there is a very similar situation on tiktok) then maybe it's the groom who has set it up. You say he is conservative - so he's asked his bro to be there to keep it in check.

I would just try and cancel it and book somewhere else. She's just not going to be able to relax and I don't blame her. It doesn't matter if its adult only you just don't bring children along to a hen do it's selfish especially as she's now booked a whole family holiday whilst taking money off the bride for the room paid that she couldn't afford.

Message her with a timetable of activities something like this:

Guess the cock - will your husband volunteer seeing as he is going to be there

Bra pong

Naked cocktail class

Who can wear the most cocks

Sex lingo bingo

Pass the dildo

Dickionary

Paint your own Willy

So, where will you hide the husband and kids while we take part in these activities? Obviously it's not a place for children so events have been planned that are NSFW... best leave them at home.

I don't get it. If he is conservative then why would he want to share a holiday with a bunch of women he does not know? Surely that would be inappropriate by his standards.

Someone is going to have to be direct and tell them that the kid's are not welcome. I would threaten the hotel with cancelling the booking as if children were allowed you wouldn't have booked in the first place. You need to get on the phone and speak to them rather than just email. I would also not volunteer or agree to arrange a baby shower for this friend (should she go on to have kids) as you will still have to deal with this cf sil. I also think you meed to tell the sil that activities you have planned are not appropriate for children so you will not expect them to be present and that having her husband their changes the dynamic and is unfair to the other women coming on the hen do.

Give your sister in law the heads up that the hen do will be a carnival of self indulgence with extra gambling, cocaine, drinking, strippers…

Yes this, and actually buy them. Then proceed to act fucking disgracefully whenever the family are nearby. She’s basically bringing her husband and kids in a hen do. No no nope. Hope you get it sorted out asap.

How ignorant, just because YOU don't like a hen do being abroad doesn't mean they deserve it to be spoilt because some entitled piece of crap thinks the world resolves around her. Or are you the Sil? The only person that matters on a hen do is the bride. If she wants it abroad then it's abroad. The hens have the choice of whether they go or not. If you can't offer anything constructive then don't comment. Keep your nastiness to yourself.

did you book the hotel directly op? Or through a booking company ? It may make a difference as to the help you can get to deal. Check the booking conditions regarding it being adults only. As has been said if they try to stonewall you get in touch with card issuers and attempt a chargeback. Good luck

But you could say that about anything! School disco v leavers Prom, game of dead lions and egg n cress sandwiches v bouncy castle and pizzas.....things change. Its really not considered out of the ordinary to have a mini break for your hen do. I dont think that makes the couple selfish. Of course it can put pressure on people particularly financially but no one is forced to partake.......so can Xmas. Shall we cancel that too.

Why don’t you tell the sister in law this. Say either she cancels her room booking or you will cancel everyone else’s and all go elsewhere without her.

Has anyone had a direct conversation with her to set out how unhappy everyone will be and how it’s not at all what the bride wants. Isn’t there an outspoken bridesmaid who can speak up and tell her she’s being a dick.

I feel like nothing but very direct and assertive communication will get this sorted.

also I agree with the poster who said about being clear that there will be dicks. Maybe order some extra explicit stuff to show her on the WhatsApp??